HHM: I hear, but it's not happening. If I didn't do it for 89, I'm not doing it for 90. (I've hit 90 days a bunch of times). No length of sobriety yesterday guarantees sobriety today. I had 9 months and then I acted out for a month straight and I did things I had never done before.

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Feb 2017 22:17:

Wow. I only read the politics. But I like to make machlokes

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Feb 2017 22:17:


Thanks Shlomo. You touch my heart.

Today is 4 months of sobriety! And tomorrow, God willing, will be 90 days of sobriety for alcohol.

Shlomo24 wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:27:

Great stuff.

And without the fanfare.

Workin' the real one day at a time.

Change from within.

Bravo to you and beneficial for usI.

Continued hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:37:

Hatzlocha! Mazeltov!

I happen to like fanfare..

Mazel Tov!! Keep On Armor-Plated Monstuh Toucaning!!!

Mazal tov should be with continued Hatzlacha ODAAT

Keep up the great posting they really help me get my thoughts straight

Mazel tov on both accomplishments. Incredible. What an inspiration. You conquered a double doozy.

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 07 Mar 2017 17:04:

That's ironic. I've learnt to accept myself and I no longer have to keep my thoughts straight. Just kidding. Thank you.

I'm writing this because I am aware of my status on this forum and I believe I can send a strong message. I've been struggling a bit for the past two weeks. I've been taking my will back in many areas of my life and it's affecting me. I haven't been taking strong actions of lust, but my discipline has been getting weaker and weaker. It kind of came to a head a couple of days ago. I was watching a cooking show and I was attracted to the chef. I sought comfort in him and I desperately wanted connection with him. He also seemed like a nice guy, which made it more triggering for me. The thought process was, "It's a cooking show, you can watch it!" Even though it was lustful and triggering FOR ME. That was a strong example of unwillingness. I then proceeded to watch YouTube for some hours, watching videos that I knew might have some lustful content in them, even though I thought they would be mostly clean. But I willingly allowed some lust in, which is not a good sign for my sobriety.

As a result of that event and realizing that I need to get back on the horse if I want to stay sober, I did a mini cheshbon hanefesh. I went on the YouTube app and looked at all my subscriptions. I asked myself, "Is any of this necessary for my life?" The answer is no. So I deleted the app and I have been avoiding YouTube since. I still find myself itching for it a bit and I am still escaping. The problem is me, not YouTube. However, I do think it was the right thing to do and I am feeling much more quality of sobriety over these last couple of days. 

My main point is that a couple of months ago I talked about this on GYE. I talked about how I watch YouTube and it's not triggering for me. But things have changed and I don't think that it's the right thing for me anymore. I wanted to make this public to show the forum and myself that 1) I don't know everything. 2) Things change with time. 3) Humility is necessary for sobriety. I also want to show that everyone has their failings and their own issues. I think there's a theme on GYE that some people are infallible (I'm not referring to myself). They aren't. And I want to be up front with how I am holding and not just "talk the talk." It's very easy to do that. But the hard things are usually the things that are helpful for me.

Shlomo, thank you for your super post. So many important lessons there! So much truth and so much humility. Very helpful for me and I am sure for many. You put us at ease when we see the issues still crop up - it happens even to the big guys. May Hashem bless you!  

I am no expert, but I think it very wise you deleted the app. Chazal tell us the more gedorim we put for arayus, the more kedusha and hashroas ha shechina we bring in. So besides the obvious benefit of making a nisayon less accessible, you are allowing for more s'yatta d'shmaya.

I'm happy that you found my post to be helpful.

Shlomo,

It was a great post for me as well- especially what you wrote about some people on GYE seeming infallible. It's very hard to be honest about your flaws once people have a different perspective of you. Kol hakavod.

Many of the seemingly infallible people on GYE are actually the most honest.