i don't disagree with that statement the way it was made.

I really understand what you are going through.
I had a story today we have a family whats app group, I was messaging her but it was really flirting .....

I used to fantasize about her by sex
but I know its lust and since I started working on lust it became a small challenge what I mean is, yes I can fall and flirt with her but GUE taught me to focus on the big picture "lust" so when I talk to her I try to view her as human being not a sex object...
and I tell myself she is not mine and off limits and I am ok with it.

The more you work on lust the easier self talk will become you will be able to control the way you think...


Sorry I wrote so sloppy had no patience.

good night and good luck !!!

Thanks so much to everyone with the input.
I just listened to my wife tell me about aforementioned sister's problems for close to hour and this is usually when I get depressed, but seeing all these messages reminds me that my feelings are pure lust and nothing real at all.

dsm1234 - my current recovery plan is based on accepting fact # 2 I wrote above. (i.e., sex is optional), and staying away from websites that promote women as sex objects (i.e., all websites except GYE).

Bigmoish

Shalom aleichem R' Moish!

Heartwarming introduction. Awesome attitude. Nice plan.
I'm learning to keep an open mind about the plan.
Included in ODAAT, is the how I learn new strategies every day.

Limoshol, I could never grasp the 'surrender' thing. Then a coupla days ago, (in middle of shmona esrei, of course) it clicked.
That particular davening just wasn't going anywhere. I kept trying so hard to guide my mind back to what's right in front of me- the Rbsh"o- but no, wasn't happening. Then it me. It's takke not up to me. I can keep trying, I can say the words, I can make whatever hachanos I'm capable of, סוף סוף, the kavana is not necessarily up to me. So I actually said 'Rbsh"o, I'll just keep trying. But I give up- no, I surrender- my image of a mutzlichdike davening to You. You know how much effort I put in, You'll decide how much reward I deserve, including in oilam haze (עיון תפילה?). (After all, what greater schar than the feeling of a good davening!) Since then, I have been having hatzlacha at least not allowing my dimyon of a not 'ideal' davening get me down.
I now am internalizing that yesod for lust. 'Rbsh"o, I surrender my Dimyon of a mutzlichdike fight, and instead, I'll invest my energies on doing the next best thing I can. You know which soldier deserves credit, and it's not necessarily the one who's neat and clean. (Actually, maybe that's a sign that You didn't send him to the front lines.)

הבא לטהר מסייעים לו!

Welcome Big Moish!!!

great start for you as cordnoy said you wrote your first post as if was #200, and you seam to have your head on straight,

looking forward to hearing from you, and wishing you lots of hatzlachah and siyata dishmayah,

KUTGW!!!!

Funny you say that - I actually think I have my head on straight too! (hard to really internalize it sometimes though)

One of the things that keeps me going through it all is the fact that I know that I am a good person, I just have raging tayvos that I have to work on. I never doubted this. Perhaps I am a bit of a baal gayvah, but I think that that's necessary to an extent for people in our situation just to combat the depression.

Ineedchizuk - I just posted this on my 90 day journey thread - I love this vort so it's worth reposting.

WELCOME BIGMOISH! It's nice to have you with us. Let go of your fantasies, they will only cause you pain. I know you know this already, but sometimes it helps to "hear" it.

Don't focus on the SIL thing. Let go of lusting in general, whenever you feel it getting ahold of you. If you can - preemt it by staying busy with good stuff.

Stick around and keep on posting.

Thanks for the warm welcome, gibbor.
Before I took the plunge and posted my story (which took me nearly 3 hours to write btw), I got chizuk from many of your old posts. KUTGW

Thank you! It gives me chizzuk to see that people get chizzuk from my posts.

I get chizuk from your new posts as well.

KOP!

Thanks

AS far as I remember, Big Bad Moish ended up being a big tzaddik who saved things from fires. (I don't remember if it was people or sifrey torah or something like that)
So here you have come to help save yourself and the oilam from the fire of tayvohs.

Welcome, and hang on for the ride. It's loads of fun. Ups and Downs but fun like a roller coaster.

Welcome Big Moish!!

Sorry I'm late, haven't had my feet on the ground lately

It's great that you opened up!! It was for sure the starting point of my growth over the past few years, and especially since joining GYE!!

will go read you other threads now, see you around!!

Thanks for the warm welcome everybody!

I think I'll stop posting here as it seems I've been sufficiently introduced.

I'll try to keep upating my path to 90 days thread consistently.

Kol Tuv

Bigmoish wrote:


This thread is short, but a hell of a good one!

And yet, I still seem to be coming back to the same issues time and time again...