Pidaini wrote:


These two statements fit perfectly into the famous words of the mishna:
אם אין אני לי מי לי
וכשאני לעצמי מה אני

tzudreiter wrote:


You can change and you obviously want to or you wouldn't be here. by telling your story and expressing how you feel (when the Arizal said a person has some kind of ruach hakodesh when he gives a name did he mean on gye also) you are making your first steps in the right direction. The shayla is if you have really hit bottom enough to take the necessary steps to continue in dreying back around. continuing to think of your whole history and the direction you are headed and the probable eventualities can help you to make the decision to do whatever it takes to work on this issue.
Hashem should give you the koach and moach to pick yourself up and realize there is hope for a better future than you dare to imagine.

tzudreiter wrote:


kilochalu wrote:


Dear Tzudreiter:
When you mentioned about your name I was reminded of a funny story which I remember from my childhood.
There was a shul near where I lived where they had built a new mikvah. During the construction work, a goyishe worker was attaching a turning knob to a water pipe on the outside of the building. A chasidishe kid was standing and watching his work. when he was tightening the screw, the kid tells the worker "Dont make it fast, it has to Dry!" The worker says "What??!!! The kid repeats himself more desperately, "Don't make it fast! it has to dry!!" and the guy is like "Whhhhhhat are you saying"????? finally the kid sees me standing there and he turns to me and says "Zug eim, er zul es nisht machen FEST, val es darf kenen DRIEN!!!!!"
So what does this have to do with you, Tzedreiter?
Maybe kilochalu was right that you had Ruach Hakodsh when you gave yourself that name, because, as we know, alot of the program of recovery from sex/lust addiction is based on AA, which is for alcoholics, with the replacement of "alcohol addiction" with the words "sex/lust addiction". In AA, there is a concept known as "Dry Drunk Syndrome". It is the issue of the feelings, and frustrations experienced by an alcoholic in the process of recovery, and the "withdrawal symptoms" which arise.
This is also often present in recovery from sex/lust addiction, and some parts of it are very much like some of the feelings which you related.
So isn't that "Ruach Hakodesh" for you to pick the name "TzuDRYter"!

For the benefit of the oilom here I'll paste an article I found on the subject of Dry Drunk Syndrome, so that anyone can use it if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Keep on Posting,
and
Keep on DRIEING !!!!!



Dry Drunk Syndrome
Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle.
Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance -- the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial -- it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime -- and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol.
Many make it through the process to the final stage -- accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It's sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven't had a drink in years, but they have also never had a "sober" day.
You even see them in the 12-step rooms... been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake!
Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, "I almost wish he would go back to drinking."

Okay, I Don't Like It, Now What?
The simple answer to that question is to find something that you do like, but that is not always as easy as it sounds.
There is a theory that in order to fully recover from the effects of alcoholism, the alcoholic must replace the obsessive behaviors in his life with their spiritual opposites. Frankly, there are those who believe that without such spiritual help from a power greater than themselves, true recovery is impossible.
The Alcoholics Anonymous program has championed this theory for many years to millions of "hopeless drunks" who are now living happy and sober lives. It's hard to argue with that record of success.
But beyond the spiritual side of recovery, there are other steps that can be taken to help make life fun again, without alcohol:
Develop a hobby. Take up gardening, start or expand a collection, build something, go fishing, or learn how to develop your own web pages! Try to find some activity to fill those leisure hours that you used to spend drinking.
Get healthy. All those years of drinking probably took some toll on your physical health. Join the YMCA, take up an exercise program or jogging, or play a sport. Get on some kind of regular (daily) improvement routine.
Improve your mind. It's never too late to learn new things. Get a library card, take a continuing education class, improve your job skills, or surf the 'Net.
Spend time with your family. Maybe you can't replace all those times that you neglected your wife and children while you were in the barrooms, but you can make a new start. Take your wife out to her favorite place, take the kids or grandchildren to the park, or start a project in which the entire family can participate.
Summary: Life doesn't have to be a miserable experience just because you quit drinking. There's a whole world out there for you to explore and learn about.

Wednesday i left for the summer to a day camp, so i'm B"H busy, which is proving helpful. The past few days were relatively good, however last night i was on my porch and i was able to see into other apartments, (one was actually a bedroom with people in it!!) and i felt like "maybe i will catch something good if i hang out here for long enough". and i did hang around for longer and tried different angles. But thank God i didnt see anything, and eventually ripped myself away. is that considered a fall? i was ready and looking to fall, it just so happens to be that i didnt see anything "good".
anyways, Good Shabbos to all the crew here.

On the one hand we know that
מחשבה רעה אין הקב"ה מצרפה למעשה.
yet on the other hand,
רבינו יונה writes in the sefer שערי תשובה that planning to do an aveira is also an aveira for itself.

Let's put aveira on the side for a moment, let's think about your life.

You are the one who is spending "quite some time" doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing. I found myself wasting time and missing out on what I really felt was important in life, I couldn't stand myself anymore. So I came here to learn from other people who have been there, and gotten out, what they did and I am slowly finding myself and who I really am.

I spoke to people who understood me and who I felt comfortable telling my day to day desires to, because they are able to tell me theirs, and that they've been there. Through that I get out of my head, and back into reality, it's amazing!!

Fall or not, is this who want to be?

KOP!!! KOT!!

Hi guys,
Its been twenty days clean, i really feel so different already, more alive, and integral. much less self-conscious, and i don't get as anxious while talking to people (probably because i felt like i was lying to them with my mere presence).
To be honest, it even feels a bit weird, i feel more intense and aware.
is that a normal phenomenon? (just a reality check )
never the less im still peaking abit before i catch myself, something which is threatening all of the above, really need to stop that...
Thanks guys

WOW keep up the good work .
Now might be a great time to build up your defenses and put some preventive steps in place if you don't already have them.
Some of the things you might have been afraid to give up or prevent while you were deep in, might be attainable now that you are riding the wave. Like stronger filters, stopping some bad habits, etc.
GO for it. and keep on trucking.

hi tzudreiter
good to hear you are holding fest.
you 20 are golden.
advice for unpeeking.
realize that even if you don't act out. the Peek may haunt you. in davening in learning, when you sleep, when you wake up, it is there, part of you, do you want to keep that peek? imagine yourself in a few more years and a more developed person. is the Peek with you?

KUTGW!!

Have you opened up to anyone? I find that in times when I feel especially vulnerable being in touch with others and expressing that and acknowledging that I need to stay low and accept my situation for what it is, is most helpful.

KOT!!

After 26 days clean, about which i posted before, i thought i am finally coming back to life, (which actually was a taste of good life, something i want back).
I fell. and then again, two days later.
I sort of felt it coming, i was very stressed, i woke up quite late and felt really bad about it.
But what i think really led to it was, that although i was learning (to some extant) "the art of living" in the present, being devoted to something and not self absorbed (as i posted earlier, i am working in a day camp with not such religious children, which by the way is great work!).
I seemingly forgot one point, the one thats in the name... To Guard my eyes! i was peeking way too much, forgetting that i am allergic to this stuff, however good it may be.
So in a way i am glad i got this wake up call.
Still got some more to write...

Maybe that is a problem keeping on referring to this place as GYE. We forget what it stands for

Well, apparently it was abit more than just a "wake-up call". because i still haven't gotten out of it.
such an experience makes me think, will i ever be clean for a long time, or is gonna be one heck of a roller coaster. i mean, i can see myself clean for (relatively) a substantial amount of time, but its hard to imagine life with no more of this stuff. on the other hand i do see people which live without it, they don't peek on the streets etc. and it dosnt seem like they feel deprived.
which makes me think even further, am i ready to live without it? every time i ponder this i get scared.
how low do i have to fall to say to hell with this cr**?
right now i need to get the strength to press Restart.

I hear you but we don't have to think for the rest of our life, let just think about today. Do you want to be clean right now?

Also, we can press the restart button. Today is a brand new day! "The past is gone, and the future is not in our hands." (GYE Handbook, 7)

KEEP ON TRUCKING!

the question of "am I ready to live without it?" is a good one.
And like DMS1234567890987654321 pointed out correctly, we can't think that far ahead.

I, however, didn't ask myself that question. I asked the followin': Am I ready to live with it? My answer to that was: Hell no!

That is when I began recovery.

So all ya' fellows who like quotin' stuff, let us pen a new one:

Ask not: Am I ready to live without it; rather, ask: Am I ready to live with it?

b'hatzlachah