SIB. thanks for your advice.
It has served me well. I make a short list of things I have to do. Certainly gives me time to do everything on the list.
So I have more time and I fulfill my duties.

Thank You!

Tonight, I walked thru two subway cares whose odor reeked of homeless people. I finally found a seat and three guys of uncertain ethnic origin were standing and sitting next to me and glancing at their Ipods in a strange manner. When I glanced for a split second while trying to concentrate on my Gemara, the images were clearly inappropriate. I got up and walked to the other end of the subway car and stood until they left the subway.

Today, I slipped on the ice while walking to shul, and avoided hurting my arm and back. That was compounded by a lousy commute due to a fire on the subway tracks, which caused me to be 45 minutes late. Then my boss started in with his claim that I am anxious, that I have a speech problem, and suggested that any reaction on my part was just being defensive. Since he is really a control freak and acts in a paranoid manner on many occasions, I suggested that he try out for the main character in a revival of a certain Broadway play. I apologized and he said let's move on-but that kind of episode would have sent me down the rabbit holes of porn and masturbation. Due to my age, the economy and a daughter in the parsha, I don't think that a job hunt would be wise, but I think that I am just going to have to go with whatever he says-regardless of how offensive he is. Any act of defense on my part would just feed his temper on my part and send me right down the rabbit hole as a means of escape. My long term strategy is to do the best I can until I am ready to retire from a profession that I really should not have entered in the first place.

SIB101854, I really, really relate to your problem. A few years ago, I left a job with a boss who, aside from probably being antisemitic (he used to openly profess his views on the "silliness" of Shomer Mitzvot lifestyle), had a personal axe to grind with me for reasons beyond my control. Suffice it to say, I had a rough tenure at that company, and my addiction worsened. Like you, I was very, very angry, frustrated with my lack of recourse, and downright depressed that I was being -- let's be honest -- openly abused.

I heard, some years later, a recovery program veteran talk about leaving justified anger to people mentally equipped to handle it. That is, we addicts obviously can't handle being angry; it has a very toxic effect on our behaviors. Some people, however, could handle it. And those people are the ones we should count on, in a way, to deal with the jerks of the world. And chances are, you're not the only person being abused by your boss (unfortunately). I'm sure there are other people who are equally angry with him, but who don't have to worry about their anger exacerbating their addictive behavior. Let them be angry with him; it's their job. Your job -- aside from the responsibilities you have to your family and as a professional -- is recovery. That's it! And that job is foundational to the success of all your other endeavors, the ones I just mentioned. So, really, your job is just recovery. Don't let a jerk, like your boss, mess that up for you.

So, remember... Leave the justified anger to the people who could handle it, and focus only on staying sober and optimistic.

Thank you very much for your Divrei Chizuk!

Yasher Koach again your excellent advice. I didn't go down either of the rabbit holes and I have had a very calm day in the office both yesterday ( I work Sunday mornings when Shabbos starts early) and today.

Things have been much better with my boss lately, and our youngest daughter , who had gotten out with many guys, is now a kallah maidel!B"H, I remain Tahor. Tonight, a woman with an impossibly short skirt sat diagnolly across from me on the subway, and I realized that I had to move . So, once the subway car thinned out, I stood up and rode standing with my back to this woman the rest of the ride home.

Mazel Tov!!!

KUTGW!!!

Mazel tov!!!

and KUTGW!!!

Mazal Tov!!!!!

Whenever I feel down, I look for posts like this; they immediately lift me up and get me back on the derech!

SIB101854 wrote:
Great work there! An inspiration to all of us!

Great news x2! Thanks for sharing!

Mazel tov!
Much nachas!

Hi SIB101854, Just wanted to say hello and get onto your thread. I saw one your posts and thought your sobriety sounded healthy.

Hatzlacha!

I am home alone "on the beach" today due to a virus that I came down with last night. Previously, in such instances, such a day would have been an invitation to engage in masturbation and porn. Since I have been here, I have recognized that I have to get out of the house, engage in some constructive activities, and realize that being alone for such a long period of time can be a huge trigger.