Welcome, Guest
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Introduce Yourself

Being Stuck In The Addction
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!
Reply Topic
New Topic

TOPIC: Being Stuck In The Addction 3748 Views

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 07:30 #212793

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
id love to be in contact thru gmail on phone
just need a way that it can go to an app on the phone
wife takes phone during night when she cant sleep

deleting emails is not an option

thoughts?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 12:22 #212815

  • davewave
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 19
  • Karma: 0
I am not a rabbi nor someone who can give advice but i incerely think your wife should know about what youre going through. however failing that I cant see any other way besides for reomoving your gye email address from your phone before you go to bed.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 15:56 #212831

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
no dave
With all the things we are goin thru this would crack her
Many have advised me not to tell
Its 20 plus years of marriage like this
Her feelings would be indescribable

I'm lookin forward to a day down the road when I'm clean for a ton of days maybe even weeks to say, "honey, let's have a talk."

And no, deleting the email acct just will not work

Thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 16:45 #212838

  • gevura shebyesod
  • Current streak: 1248 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 4178
  • Karma: 505
If u r just viewing gmail in the browser on your phone u can just log out and delete your history and cookies.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 20:59 #212851

  • chesky
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 213
  • Karma: 14
cordnoy wrote:
no dave
With all the things we are goin thru this would crack her
Many have advised me not to tell
Its 20 plus years of marriage like this
Her feelings would be indescribable

I'm lookin forward to a day down the road when I'm clean for a ton of days maybe even weeks to say, "honey, let's have a talk."

And no, deleting the email acct just will not work

Thanks

I am not any authority on this, but my own experience and that of many in SA has been that involving the wife is a major step in your own recovery. Honesty is the first requirement in recovery.
I also hid my acting out from my wife and also when I started going to SA meetings until my sponsor told me that I was not being honest. And guess what, she accepted me and today I get full support from my wife, although for the life of me, I cannot understand why.I am sure if I would be the wife I would have thrown out my husband then and there.
Many other people who have (in my eyes) much "worse" secrets to share, have said that ultimately sharing it with their wife made a big difference to their recovery.
I am not saying that you should or you shouldn't. That should preferably be done with the guidance of a sponsor. I just want to share with you that it is really not so scary.
Just my two cents.
May G-d be with you.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 21 Jul 2013 22:36 #212861

  • Pidaini
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
  • Posts: 2189
  • Karma: 107
chezky wrote:
I just want to share with you that it is really not so scary.


I am very happy to hear that you had such an easy time, but there are plenty on the forum, and being close to some rabbi's I have heard from them, that for sure in the beginning we should make sure they don't find out!!!!!

To say that IT IS NOT a scary thing sounds a little bit rash, and i think that you may be part of the minority.

i will admit that i hope to reach the day when i am comfortable enough with myself, and that my wife has enough trust in me, that i will be able to tell her, but as for now I don't think it would be wise.

just my two pence

Hatzlacha!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov
Last Edit: 21 Jul 2013 22:42 by Pidaini.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 02:39 #212883

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
every situation is different

guaranteed that in mine, nobody would advise that I should tell her
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 12:59 #212919

  • chesky
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 213
  • Karma: 14
Pidaini wrote:

I am very happy to hear that you had such an easy time

To say that IT IS NOT a scary thing sounds a little bit rash, and i think that you may be part of the minority.


I apologize if I was misunderstood, but i never meant to say that I had an easy time, neither did I mean to say that I was not petrified of what her reaction would be. I was just saying that almost anyone I know in SA say that ultimately sharing with their wives was beneficial to their recovery.
For me it was a step incoming out of myself and facing the reality of who I am.
Last Edit: 22 Jul 2013 13:00 by chesky.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 20:09 #212945

  • chesky
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 213
  • Karma: 14
Hey Dave,
Sorry this issue hi-jacked your thread. How are you doing?

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 20:21 #212949

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5251
  • Karma: 166
Yes, it was scary and unpleasant for both me and my wife, but after the fact, I'm VERY happy that we went through that VERY tough time together.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 20:30 #212950

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
and gibbor, perhaps you wrote about it someplace, but, how did your wife find out? did you tell her? how many years were you married at that point?

thank you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 20:50 #212954

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5251
  • Karma: 166
cordnoy wrote:
and gibbor, perhaps you wrote about it someplace, but, how did your wife find out? did you tell her? how many years were you married at that point?

thank you

12 years. She caught me looking at "stuff" on the computer. Luckily it was actually pretty "tame". We had a filter and I was trying to get around it.

It was hard to discuss, especially in the beginning, but in the long run, our marriage is much better off because of it. I found GYE about 2 years later. The material here helped both me and my wife understand what I was going through. It opened up new channels of communication and understanding.

Our Rav helped us a lot in the beginning. A person needs a good Rav.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 21:11 #212961

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
thank you

and how was the marriage the first 12 years?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 21:31 #212965

  • davewave
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 19
  • Karma: 0
Ive had a challenging two days. Today was a down day. Was quite depressed coz I sort of fell ladt night. B h notjing happened I cought myself just in time.... but ive gotten over it now and im back on track..m btw dont feel bad abiut what your didcussing. Im unmarried and this only gives me a chizuk to keep clean before I start dating!

Re: Being Stuck In The Addction 22 Jul 2013 21:47 #212968

  • Pidaini
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
  • Posts: 2189
  • Karma: 107
KOT bro!!!!

Take it one moment at a time, that means no yesterday, no five minutes ago, no tomorrow, just now!!

You're doing great!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov
Reply Topic
New Topic
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Introduce Yourself
Moderators: yechidah, skeptical, the.guard, kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, menachemgye, smartlakewood
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.68 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes