Sorry I didn't reply right away. I was playing basketball in the park with my kids!!! (seriously!!)

As far as the song, you are dead on. That was me!!! I was Abe's inspiration for that song. He just didn't know it!! 


By The Way - I play center field, not catcher. I was always afraid of breaking my leg...................

realsimcha wrote on 25 Mar 2011 16:30:


I feel totally clearer and am able to laugh without feeling guilty and like a fraud. so how do we keep it up? whta keeps people motivated and strong?

How do we keep it up ? [BTW can someone tell me how to quote other posts? ]

Not sure. But I have learned a few things from the chevra here:
1. We just have to keep it up today. Thats it.
2. We keep it up by posting and posting and posting and posting.
3. We keep it up by davening and davening and davening. Ultimately its not in our hands so we keep asking Hashem to keep us clear minded.

Jew, I can't tell you what it means to be sharing this journey with you! Chazak!

I must write down what happened to me last night. I had a dream [I know this sounds wierd but stick with me]. In my dream I was acting out somewhere [somewhere that does not exist in real life] and in the middle some yeshiva bochrim - some of whom I knew - walked in! I was mortified and jumped out the window leaving my cell phone there. The boy's rebbi (who is a friend of mine) approached me to return the phone. I stammered, embarassed, humiliated, and tried to make it make sense. But it didn't. It was horrible, mortifying, humiliateing. I wanted to die. I begged him to understand that I am not a "faker" that i am ... i don't know. It was completely real. I woke up, and I was in my bed on a beautiful shabbos morning. My first thoguht was, "IT WASN'T REAL!!!!!!!! BARUCH HASHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". My second thought was, "It could have been..."

I fel like Hashem gave me this gift so that I can remain true to my path.
Any thoughts chevra?

Only a few.
First of all, I have dreams like that all the time.
Second of all, I have been caught many times by my wife, and once by my principal!!! (Ouch! It still hurts to think about it)

But I now realize that if I had never gotten caught, I probably never would have found the strength to be going now on 66 days. I would not have been desperate enough to handle the recovery process. So my getting caught was a gift!!!!

And you my friend received a greater gift. You have the experience of being caught, without being caught!!!

Remember that feeling. It is a great motivator!

Now the second thing:
realsimcha wrote on 27 Mar 2011 01:45:


Well, just like that!!!
But seriously. While you are replying, the previous posts are underneath your new one. On the top right corner of each post are the words "insert quote". When you click on it, it will put THE ENTIRE POST INTO YOUR REPLY. Leave the heading and the closing, and delete all but what you want to quote in the middle. It's much easier to do than that sounded. Try it. Also, if you are not sure if it worked, just click preview before you click post, and you will see it as we see it.

Hatzlocha!!!

RS you're so holy! Reb Yid is so right, it was a gift. cherish it!

last night was such a close call for me! motzei shabbos a;ways is hard for me. BH still counting!!!

Hey Jew! Your truggle is such an inspiration for me to keep at it myself and not to give in.

I also have a really hard time on Motzei Shabbos. My two hard nights are Thursday night and motzei shabbos. Sometimes by the time shabbos is coming to an end I feel that tension starting to gather in my stomache. I started to say V'Yiten Lecha because of that and I do feel that it calms me and helps me focus on starting the week on the right foot.

Reb Yid wrote on 27 Mar 2011 04:56:


Thanks Reb Yid! And thanks for making me feel like I am not the only one having crazy dreams! I hope that I can utilize this gift properly!

Today was a really shleppy day for me. I was not able to finish half the things that I meant to do, and I was tired and anxious. The ingredients for a fall were there, and I was really not sure if I would make it past this day...but then i thought of Jew and his struggle, I thought about reb Yid who has been looking out for me and I thought about tzadik90 whose words always inspire. I thought asbout Gesher and how hard he is working and about his great advice. I thought of Dov.ii. who pops in for a hello from time to time just so I should know he is rooting for me... Chevra, you saved me --- again!

At first I was insulted that I didn't rank in first place.  >
And then I saw that I made second place, so I forgive you!!!

Hatzlocha and we are rooting for you!!!

we all need each other!
KOT

Thanks to all the inspiration and caring of everyone here, the pressure and hardship of the past few days seems to have gotten a bit easier. Today was a much easier day, and I hope that its the beginning of a trend. DAY 18 is really exciting and getting to level 3 on the chart -- I feel so good working my way up that chart!

Keep on going strong!!!!  Great work!!

One of the reasons brought down why it helps to get a brocha from a tzadik is because he cares so much, and it hurts him so much, that if we get hurt, he feels pain. Since the Tzaddik doesn't deserve the pain, so I can't get it.

I think that works here too. If one of us Chas veshalom should happen to fall (98 bottles of beer........sorry) THE REST OF US WOULD ALL BE IN SO MUCH PAIN, so Hashem has to help one for the sake of all. We are literally all in this together!!
So stay strong for all of us!!!

Real, where are you?

I'm waiting for you and i'm not leaving!

DAY 6 is underway. Its been a long day. Somehow I always feel that when things aren't going well I have a valid. Trying to listen to Dovii.i. and stay clean for the next three seconds. 1, 2, 3. There. That went well Let me try that again...1...

WELCOME BACK!!!

RealSimcha wrote
I hope that its OK if I chime in here. I am also returning after being away for .... 5 years. Over the past five years I've had many many many ups and just as many downs. Sometimes I went for months ... other times for days or hours. I finally decided to return to GYE in the hope that connecting with the chevra here will give me the chizuk I need to break free finally. 
Its funny. I kept debating if I should reconnect with GYE. I found myself saying to myself that I dont want to be involved with GYe because I dont want to live a double life and to be hiding my involvement from my family. LOL!! Here i am living a double life regarding SHMUTZ but when it comes to recovery suddenly I am worried about a double life. Incredible. 
So... here I am. I've been looking around and reacquainting myself with the forums. So many. Overwhelming. So i am pushing myself to post. and I would like to make a bli neder commitment to post each day. At least something short. Something personal. Thanks to all of you whose gevura gives me the chizuk to try this again.

 

Wow...so here I am. Back. Thanks.