Shlomo and Ina,

Thanks for your thoughts. I dont think that I know myself exactly why I love talking about myself. Ina you might be right that its less and I am noticing it more. Either way it is starting to feel like it doesnt fit. Its like a suit that you put on and realize that its just not fitting right anymore. Its just not the person that I want t be anymore. Why do I crave it? I think that I have always felt insecure about myself and I love accentuating my successes. Thanks for listening.

realsimcha wrote on 25 Apr 2016 21:35:

Sounds very familiar, as long as there is an internal dissatisfaction with myself,  i will usually try to compensate by sharing what i percieve as positives about myself with others. That is until i am so obviously screwed up in my own eyes by something I've done that i will be humble and stay quiet,  which is not an ideal solution. 
I found through deep connection in davening and giving up to gd that i felt secure enough to be quiet and at peace,  something i haven't felt for a while.  But happy days are coming. 

Apologize for sharing about me 


Keep up the great attitude and focus RS

Day 77: A thought about what we've been discussing just to make things a little more complicated. Now that I am focused on trying not to only talk about myself [except on this thread ...] I find myself unusually quiet. It seems that my talking in the past has been so "me" based that I never learned how to have conversations just because that is the nice thing to do. This is especially difficult on yom tov when family gets together more than the rest of the year. So not only do I have to try not to spend my conversations on my favorite subject: me, I also have to try to reach out to people for them and not for me. oh boy...

I don't believe that wanting to tout one's accomplishments is a rare phenomenon. I would think that quite the opposite is true. It might just be a question of degree 

Day 78: Busy day. Trips. Kids. Exhausted. Need to stay focused so tonight - after everyone is sleeping - I dont feel that I need to "reward" myself for today, the wrong way. I ask Hashem for his divine assistance.

Day 79: Today I realized that its not going to stay this way. If I keep going this way, then I wont be sober in another few days. Sure, I will shlep along a little more But I wont be able to sustain it. The reason? Because even though I dont "hold of it" and I didnt raise my family this way, I watch much too much TV and movies. The only way for me to get to day 80, 90 and beyond, is by stopping the sister to sex addiction which is - in my case - TV and movie addiction. I have a close friend who recently turned his life around. He has encouraged me to start a new journey this evening. So, I am going to try it. Chevra, I am terrified. What will I do when I am anxious? Depressed? Angry? I would like - and I hope it wont be too tedious for you - to start posting two counts every day. So tom post would look something like this Day 80 (No TV Day 1) . The reason that I want to do that is because I am not sure that I will be able to do this without your support. And whether you comment or not, I think that just knowing that my good friends on GYE are watching and sharing my journey will give me koach. Ok, here goes ... Hashem please stay with me here ....

"No TV: Day 1... ... Just knowing that my good friends on GYE are watching"

Say what?

Kidding aside, Great plan!!
Whats the replacement outlet gonna be?

realsimcha wrote on 28 Apr 2016 02:50:

Wow. So great that you could realize this and put your finger on it so clearly.  I see a lot of this for myself too.  I'm maybe 3 weeks clean, and have been on a blackout from addictive TV/movie watching because it's the only way I know that could work.  I like how you called this the sister addiction.  

Looking forward to the 2-count!  KUTGW KOMT Haiku (not sure what that last one means)

markz wrote on 28 Apr 2016 02:55:

Workin' on that. There is so much to do.... and there is no point in finding replacement numbing.

Good for you. You may find a lot of blessing from not watching TV. I watch TV a little bit, during the semester not so much, but when I have nothing to do I always veg out in front of the computer.

i'm with you on this one RS and definitely watching and sharing your journey. I have had a bad experience with TV and haven't watched in a few years (besides a couple of times when I used it specifically to act out) keep up the good work!

I also quit entertaining myself with the internet at some point on my journey. I eventually ended back on it but those were good days.

Just a word of caution though. Make sure your two kabbalos don't get intertwined, otherwise watching a movie or tv show may wind up as a fall.

KUTGW!

Day 80 (yay!) (Day 1 No TV): I feel like I am starting all over again. I am nervous and a little jittery. I am unsure that I can really do this for the long haul. I am trying to tell myself ODAAT, and I am grateful for the chizuk of all my friends here. [Oh, and Markz, thanks for "watching" :) ] Ina, your advice about not letting the two parts mix is priceless. I will keep it in mind. Please have me in mind in your prayers. [Dont worry about my name, Hashem knows who RealSimcha is]. Have a great yom tov everyone. My we meet again at the other side of the Yam Suf.

As I did for the first days of Yom Tov, I will post separately for each of the days. That way I can focus specifically on the day that I missed because of Yom Tov. 

Day 81: So I didnt include the whole TV thing, did ya notice? I thought about it alot over Yom Tov and I think stopping watching TV and movies is a must. However, I became uncomfortable with turning it into another thing that I am counting. We all know that there are two sides to the whole "streak" sugya. I think that I should stay 100% focused on staying alive. Which means no acting out. The other stuff, is super important and I am gonna give it a go [Motzei Pesach is a big challenge for me so its not the easiest time to be making this commitment]. I am just worried. There needs to be one count. The one that keeps me alive. Thoughts? Fooling myself? 

Day 82: As Yom Tov started to end I began to get really concerned about the days ahead. If all goes according to plan I will hit 90 days soon. I learned from the chevra here not to expect any major revelations on that day. I hope that I will be able to stick to the mission here and do what needs to be done in order to maintain sobriety.

Day 81: Is it your thinking through the streak sugya that changed your mind or you losing some commitment that made you decide not to count?

It's a lot easier to sneak little slips in if you're not counting. Make sure you know what it really is.

Day82: It makes me really happy to hear that you're not expecting anything from day 90. KUTGW!