I hear what everyone is saying about it my sister in law just making herself comfortable and confident in front of me, but i feel her seeking love from me.. because bh im very good at showing love and affection, and their home was very traumatized and unhealthy... her husband on the other hand is more reserved and and shy and doesn't always express himself, i hear what everyone else is saying about it might be that im way off, but i wish this wasn't how i felt l!

Your feeling prob come from your own fantasy - just like me - wen my neighbor smiles at me i think she wants to........
And from experience, i once complimented my sister in law and my wife thought i had a crush on her 
A few days later our shalom bayis coach called me and inconspicuously  called me and told me that someone called him and wanted to hire my sil but this guy doesnt hire attractive women... and wanted to know what i thought
months later my wife told me that she called him because she was nervous

wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Apr 2023 12:10:

Great point!
I think many of us (including myself) need to keep on internalizing these words (in many situations) ...
"if she knew she was turning you on sexually, she would probably vomit"

Writin' as a MOD:

When dealin' with confidin' with a wife about your hots for her sister, or tellin' the sister-in-law about her sittin' position or winkin' eyes, or when rebukin' her husband how he 'lets' his wife dress (or not), these are practical and real issues, and if implemented, can have real and devestatin' repercussions. Please tread carefully. Realize that many of our posters may not have the best perspective, and some of them may have years of experience, but may not be the greatest writer or communicator. Whatever, this is a public forum, and I am a 'free-speech' advocate, so basically, nothin' is censored - even when the advise may be ludicrous (and I haven't read much here in-depth, so I'm not even insinuatin' that). Please voice your disagreement with another member's suggestion, but do so cordially (somethin' which I may not be adept at). Godspeed to all.

I definitely did feel like alot of the responses I was getting was very invalidating ,  I have heard her say in front of her husband even as a semi joke ( every joke has some truth to it)
That's the things certain guys are cute.. 
 Another point to make is, Another point to make is, that she is  Always apologizing to me for example if I'm in the basement and she needs something she apologizes Meeting always trying to not bother me, 

 If there's anyone who has experience that it was true, 

 I don't think for me that it's as sexual related, I don't think for me that it's as sexual related, but I feel Like it has to do a lot with her nature that she gets jealous,  If anyone has had experiences like me with sister in laws I would love to hear thank you

First thing is make sure you are not enabling it in any way.

And be honest with yourself, because being the object of a girls flirtation is loads of fun.

Don't be receptive to her flirtation. You don't have to be rude, but you don't have to be receptive either. Be more businesslike with her. Most likely she shuts it down if she sees your not receptive.

movingforward22 wrote on 03 Apr 2023 15:57:

Good question. 

There must be a JSIL website for such a question - I don’t know. 

All I can say is - if you ask a question on GYE forum then you will likely get suggestions regarding guarding our eyes… outside of interactions with her.

By a far stretch, it actually may take down the pressure you feel from this SIL, if you so wish to try. It’s totally upto you. 

I like this response.  Probably best idea is to keep it perfsional and calm. I do fantasize about having se* with her and give it to her rough because I'm upset about her flirting with me.. (hope this wasn't too graphic)

I agree with nevergiveup that the majority of times, men interpret actions of women the wrong way in this kind of case.

if your are right that she does have an interest in you, you need to be even more careful.

you need to stop fantasizing about her! Regardless of her actions and interests. Don't be that guy who blames his rap* victims for going after him...

I'm no expert but my simple solution which may work would be to become a tznius fanatic. I don't mean the way you dress but In all your actions, and if someone (especially your sil) is doing something you feel is inappropriate call her out on it. (Obviously In a respectful way and a way she will accept it.) This way you're taking the blame on you while pushing the issue away from you. I believe over time she will begin to respect your boundaries.

For example; if she comments on your shirt (to you) you can simply say "I don't think it's appropriate for a woman to comment on another man's clothing".
You may be coming across as annoying or"weird" but if you stick to your guns (and don't single her out) I feel you will ultimately be respected and will succeed in this matter.

I don't think you should engage her. IMHO

I post here at great personal risk.
If you want, read my very relevant story in the links in my signature.
Feel free to send a DM, I will probably see it.
If you want, you (anyone reading this) may email me at positivebentorah@gmail.com.

Hatzlocha

Moish

Bigmoish wrote on 04 Apr 2023 04:16:


Why ?

doingtshuva wrote on 04 Apr 2023 23:29:

Take a guess.
If you can't read the signature, here are the links.
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

I like this point - no need to make a huge deal about it with her or the wife; just don't take her "volley" and hit it back to her. It can be hard especially if you know she has a harsh background and could use the support but its mamash an expense we can't afford. She takes up valuable real estate in your mind whether she knows it or not. It is not free for us. I wouldn't say to snub her directly or say anything mean, but don't take the bait. Try to respond in few words and not smile too much.