Day 46 ב"ה

As usual I feel that the forum is a bad medium for discussing subtle points. I'm not going to get into the nuances of what I want to say but if I think I'd be right in saying that the vast majority of the people here came here because they felt bad. So to say the feeling bad plays no role in getting clean can't be true.

Again I'm not interested in getting into the subtle points of how yes and how no because I am learning that the forum is not a place for a conversation, it's just a place for soapboxing, and sometimes people can take turns from their respective soapboxes, and I'm not going on to mine right now.

I will say that the thing that has the biggest impact in me staying clean is talking to Hashem for extended periods of time. Tfilla, having a strong connection. And that being aware of how awful it is to fall has helped me overcome urges hundreds of times.

PS I believe I have read all of Dov's articles and listened to most or all of the twelve step workshop. He is very insightful and deep and there's what to learn there. It was a long time ago though, around 5 years. The biggest point that I remember him making again and again is self honesty. 

Now I'm sure someone big chacham out there will tell me I'm wrong but I can tell you with utter confidence: I am so far past hiding from myself that it is far far away in the clouds of dust of my teenage years. And maybe someone from behind their keyboard is licking their lips and getting ready to pounce with an "oh really friend? are you sure your belief in your own honesty is not just yet another layer of crafty lies you tell yourself to continue masturbating" So before you tell me that get a grip on your trigger finger and relax. The answer to your question is "yes I am sure"

Honesty is not my problem. I have been brutally honest with myself since I was a teenager, so we're going on 20 years. And during those 20 years besides for being honest I have dug and dug and learnt about the nefesh from different people and sfarim and therapists l'havdil. If there's one trait I have that all my good friends, therapists, rabbeim, and even my wife would agree on, it's self honesty. 

(That was not a soapbox stand which is for philosophy. That was me expressing my frustration. It seems like the assumption here is that if you struggle with filth it means you have a problem with self honesty. While that may be true for some or many it is irrelevant for me)

Reb SimchasTorah, 

I really always look forward to your honest and thoughtful musings. Please don't stop offering up those nuanced nuggets! 

I think you may be mistaken, nobody was "soapboxing" (Love that term) here. 

You wrote: "From this I deduce (open to being wrong, but this is where I'm coming from) that having clarity about the terrible feeling is indeed enough to overcome the 'addiction', but there is a 'forgetting mechanism' which makes long term clarity about this difficult. But if the bad feeling alone is not enough to overcome 'addiction' and 'endorphines', why would it be effective even for a few days or weeks?"

To this point, Shem and Cordnoy are pointing out, not necessarily a lack of self-honesty, rather a point about how the "lust cycle" works. I think it's a very valuable point worth thinking about. Dov's nuclear reset post is not just about the honesty, it's a fascinating depth of understanding how this cycle works.  

simchastorah wrote on 19 Dec 2024 05:56:


This is a hall of fame post right there.

I do not apologize for soapboxing. That being said, like YKW pointed out, it's a din in the metzuis of the cycle.

There's certainly also a self-honesty component, but it sounds like you've got that angle covered.

(Agav, heavily struggling with filth generally does involve an honesty problem -- hence the ceaseless lying to spouses, bosses, friends and generally, the self (if I had a nickel for every time I sat down by the computer and said "I'm just gonna check the news" I'd be filthy rich. If I had a penny for every time I told my wife I was "working late" I'd be retired.) Show me someone who heavily struggles and I guarantee you he lies, conceals, and hides a lot.) 

I'd love to have a chat with you about feeling bad though. PM for my number and I'd love to get into the subtleties. 

Day 47 ב"ה

Day 48 ב"ה

Day 49 ב"ה

Mazel tov!

Amazing to see the strides in kedusha you’ve made.
Tomorrow is your personal Kaballas HaTorah, listen up for the clarion call of Anochi!

And in Yovail we go free.....  Keep inspiring!

Day 50 ב"ה

Day 51 ב"ה

Thanks to the olam for all the thank yous yesterday, it's a nice chizzuk. (which i need, see title)

wow 50 days!!!! Mazal Tov Tzadik

simchastorah wrote on 24 Dec 2024 07:53:

Hey buddy, we all need it. And don't forget to realize that you are doing an impressive job of inspiring/encouraging others as well. As an aside, giving to others by clicking "thank you's" and posting on other guys' threads, actually helps people stay clean. It keeps the writer focused - but more important, it pulls the guy out of the self-centered mode that pornography poisoned him with.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 Dec 2024 12:30:

Thank you Reb HHM.

Perhaps that is one interpretation of וְכוֹף אֶת־יִצְרֵֽנוּ לְהִשְׁתַּעְבֶּד־לָךְ
That we're not just pushing back the YH - we force him to serve us. 

Brother SimchasTorah, not only are you beating the YH, but through it you are also bringing chizzuk and kedusha to others.

KOMT!!!