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Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas

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TOPIC: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 1207 Views

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 13:27 #420157

BenHashemBH
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 27 Aug 2024 12:40:

Looking forward to hearing what you have to say, from a current bochur's perspective.

legabay what? how bochurim would take to hearing such things from their rebbeim?

Not 'bochurim' - you! What would help you?
Hatzlacha

Every challenge is an opportunity. Every stumbling block is also a steppingstone. Keep climbing.
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
"In the place where the penitents stand, the perfectly righteous cannot stand." -Berachos 34b
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.

A little about what I'm doing here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others

Last Edit: 27 Aug 2024 13:27 by BenHashemBH.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 13:52 #420159

tzaddikvikam13
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Not 'bochurim' - you! What would help you?
Hatzlacha

Do you struggle with porn addiction? Are you looking for help?

Yes, I need help, but I'm not interested in posting about it on this forum, which is open to the whole world (-try googling 'guardyoureyes forum', see attached screenshot). Private messaging isn't working by me, and I'm trying to figure out how to fix that. Someone on the forum said I should email chaim@guardyoureyes.com, tried 2 days ago & didnt get a reponse. Any help in resolving this would be appreciated.

About my last post, I'm pretty sure this thread started,

A more practical approach as I see it would be to get the rebbeim in yeshivas to push bochrim to do this. the bochrim will listen to the rebbeim, and the parents will listen to the bochrim. There is no sure fire way to get anything to work, but this is what I think might work (I could be wrong, and your idea could be better). As an aside, I am coming from a home that has filters on the devices, but that never was able to stop me. Filters are a very useful tool, but they only work if the person is not trying to get around them/really wants to stop.
All the best, and hatzlacha raba in everything that you do.
Ezra W.
P.S. If you anyone has any comments or questions, I'd love to hear back from people

I was responding to that.

Attachments:

image_2024...3517.png (133KB)

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 14:08 #420162

chosemyshem
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 27 Aug 2024 13:52:

Not 'bochurim' - you! What would help you?
Hatzlacha

Do you struggle with porn addiction? Are you looking for help?

I believe the forum isn't indexed on Google and results are from other areas of the site. I'm no absolutely nothing about this stuff though. It is completely true that the forum is open to the world. In fact, occasionally a random troll or predator actually makes an account on the forum just to harm people. It's a sad and scary world we live in.

That being said, it's literally an anonymous forum. We all share, and we all share safely omitting personal and identifying details. Trust me, there are literally thousands of bochurim struggling the exact same way you are and no one will know it's you unless you put your social security number up on here. Safety is important but so is connection and it's possible to do both.

If prefer to not share on the forum that's totally fine. You can reach out to some of the many amazing experienced mentors on the site such as Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com) Eerie (1gimpelovitz@gmail.com) ChaimOigen (chaim.oigen@gmail.com) or Muttel (Muttel15@gmail.com or (908) 251-9590).

Honestly, and I know this is going to sound impossibly difficult, but the best person for you to talk to is likely your father. . .

Links: TBOTG (and a peirush); F2F Program; Hall of Fame thread; Dov's 12 Step Workshop recordings; Welcome New Members; Muttel's Bochur Schmooze; The Easy-Peasy book; The Big Book (a pdf version) (and the White); Markz's compilation thread; Accountability relationships;
Me: My trip. Please feel free to reach out.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 19:07 #420180

siyatta
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Thank you Tzadikvkam for bringing this thread back to life. I already forgot about it. I tend to be that guy who comes up with ideas to improve the world but never does anything about them.

I think this idea of sending letter home to the parents before bein hazmanim can make a big difference but I don't know where to start. What do people think about publishing a generic, fictitious letter in one of the Jewish magazines, saying Dear Tatti and Mommy...signed your precious son learning in Yeshiva...? In other words a letter that everyone's son could and should write to their parents but we write it for them. Would somehting like that cost money? Does anyone have an idea who to speak to at Ami/ Mishpacha. Is this the best way to reach the Jewish world these days?

No question that Bein hazmanim is necessary for a ben torah but also no doubt that there is very little guidance as to how to do it right. I believe the Roshei Yeshivos know that the bachurim fall during bein hazmanim, but not sure if they know to what extent... I think the best solution would be to create a bein hazmanim structure for boys, ideally something in person, or at least some sort of curriculum that they can do virtually that keeps them engaged in things, both in learning and otherwise but most importantly something they're busy with and make them feel accomplished....sorry I'm brainstorming again, hoping that someone will take an idea and run with it.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 20:21 #420186

yitzchokm
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I think that an unfiltered device and the problem of falling during bein hazmanim are two separate issues. An unfiltered device is just as much a problem when a young bochur is home from yeshiva for the weekend or when he sleeps at home all the time as it is bein hazmanim. Bein hazmanim is a problem even without computers. As a bochur in Yeshiva Gedolah away from home my problems were only during bein hazmanim, this was before the internet and it was even when I wasn't exposed to sexually charged material. Not having a regular schedule and that nobody saw what I did were the only culprits. Computers are usually addressed during school registration. Unfortunately, there are parents who don't follow the rules and harm their children. If a bochur is able to tell his parents about the problem he is having then that would be the best solution. There were other suggestions in the past of how to handle such a situation but I don't remember the name of the thread.

I assume that yeshivas nowadays give some advice to bochurim before bein hazmanim and I am sure that there is a listening ear in every yeshiva for a bochur who wants to discuss his bein hazmanim struggles. There is usually very little that a parent can do for a bochur who isn't having a structured day during bein hazmanim but some parents are better equipped to help their children with struggles in kedusha than others. The bochur should speak to a parent or to someone from the yeshiva staff or with someone on GYE that he feels would be the right person who can help.

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/399000-My-long-journey

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 21:40 #420194

ezraw
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Yes, I need help, but I'm not interested in posting about it on this forum, which is open to the whole world

@tzaddikvikam13, Thank you for bringing this topic back!
As a side point,
If you want to speak to someone privately, (and you haven't done so yet), feel free to read my story at gye.nu/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/419269-Re-My-journey-to-happiness-and-freedom-%28ongoing%29
If you connect with my story and want to reach out and schmooze, feel free to email me, using an anonymous email address, at ezrawrecovery@gmail.com
P.S. I'm not one of the experienced mentors mentioned above, they sound like good people to talk to (I personally haven't). But I am also a bochur (dunno if that'll make you more comfortable knowing that but thought to post it anyway), and am here to help you if you want.
P.P.S. If anyone else want's to reach out to me for any reason, feel free.
All the best,
Ezra W

(General message to the oilam: To clarify, PM-ing on the site is definitely safer and therefore better, If that doesn't work, the mentors are the next best route. The reason I posted here to email is because his PM is not working!)

Feel free to contact me privately with any questions or comments here on the GYE private messages or at ezrawrecovery@gmail.com
Looking forward to hearing from you!

Last Edit: 27 Aug 2024 21:54 by ezraw.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 22:04 #420199

tzaddikvikam13
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I agree with ezraw that

In my personal opinion, letters from the yeshiva/magazines sent out in a general way have little to no impact. If bochrim really want to make a difference at home, they have to approach their parents themselves.

Anyone who doesnt already have a filter won't be convinced by articles and ads. Even if it talks about how they're destroying their kids/bochrim, they're already convinced that "he's better than that".

A more practical approach as I see it would be to get the rebbeim in yeshivas to push bochrim to do this.

Any rebbi thats already dealing with these things and knows of a bochur who has unfiltered access anyways would be pushing the bochur to take care of it. (I know of such a maaseh with someone I know).

Therefore, I'm not sure where such a campaign would be directed at. Rebbeim and yeshivos that aren't dealing with these inyanim at all?

Last Edit: 27 Aug 2024 22:12 by tzaddikvikam13.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 22:21 #420202

tzaddikvikam13
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Honestly, and I know this is going to sound impossibly difficult, but the best person for you to talk to is likely your father. . .

I figured that out by myself. If I would have the courage for that, I would've done that years ago, instead of trying to deal with it myself and then landing up here.

If you want to speak to someone privately, (and you haven't done so yet), feel free to read my story at gye.nu/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/419269-Re-My-journey-to-happiness-and-freedom-%28ongoing%29
If you connect with my story and want to reach out and schmooze, feel free to email me, using an anonymous email address, at ezrawrecovery@gmail.com

When I click on the link, it asks me to sign in with my username and password, and it doesn't work to sign in with my regular GYE username and password.
Should I just email you?

You can reach out to some of the many amazing experienced mentors on the site such as Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com) Eerie (1gimpelovitz@gmail.com) ChaimOigen (chaim.oigen@gmail.com) or Muttel (Muttel15@gmail.com or (908) 251-9590).

Can someone give me the links to their profiles?

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 22:29 #420203

redfaced Current streak: 491 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 909 Karma: 44	Muttel Eerie Chaimoigen Hashem Help Me
	May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/416899-The-Red-Face Last Edit: 27 Aug 2024 22:29 by redfaced.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 22:34 #420204

yitzchokm
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Eerie:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/388203-Its-all-in-the-name
Chaimoigen:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/395737-Thought-I-wouldnt-need-to-ask-for-help
Muttel:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story
Hashem Help Me:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

HHM writes on one of his threads that he had SSA as a bochur. He is just like the rest of us, only with more experience, and therefore the main mentor. Feel free to reach out to whichever one of the above you feel the most comfortable. By doing this you are going in the right direction and it is impressive.

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/399000-My-long-journey

Last Edit: 27 Aug 2024 22:36 by yitzchokm.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 27 Aug 2024 22:55 #420206

tzaddikvikam13 NOW ONLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 44	Thank you

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 28 Aug 2024 00:33 #420216

ezraw
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 27 Aug 2024 22:21:

When I click on the link, it asks me to sign in with my username and password, and it doesn't work to sign in with my regular GYE username and password.
Should I just email you?

try this link instead:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/419112-My-journey-to-happiness-and-freedom-%28ongoing%29#419269
(or feel free to email me)

Feel free to contact me privately with any questions or comments here on the GYE private messages or at ezrawrecovery@gmail.com
Looking forward to hearing from you!

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 28 Aug 2024 00:58 #420218

sammysmith
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siyatta wrote on 07 Aug 2024 17:43:

While perusing through the "Introduce Yourself" forum posts, I see the same thing over and over again. Something to effect of "During my teenage years while away Yeshiva, I had occasional falls, mostly during Bein Hazmanim where I had too much accessibility"... Seeing this trend over and over, is telling us that we need to do something about it!

Perhaps every Yeshiva should send home a letter to parents via mail, email and text, explaining the tremendous growth that their son likely had during the zman and the potential pitfalls associated with an unfiltered device in the house. Stressing that any unfiltered deice in the house is a michshal and strongly encouraging the parents to make the house technology-safe. Everyone knows that they need to be doing this anyway, but getting such a warning that their Talmid chacham son is coming home for a month, can serve as an extra impetus to actually do it and be extra sensitive for the time he's home.

It sounds so pashut, but only because on GYE we have the vantage point of seeing how much damage this is causing. Any thoughts on the matter? Are Yeshivos already doing this? If not, how would we go about creating awareness among Yeshiva leaders?

Dont want to take us off topic. As far as I know, if the yeshivas would even mention the issues of porn use it would probably in of itself solve much of the issue.... At least were I went it was never talked about except in the vague terms of smartphones being a problem if you were a "ben torah"

Last Edit: 28 Aug 2024 00:58 by sammysmith.

Re: Bein hazmanim letter from Yeshivas 28 Aug 2024 01:46 #420229

tzaddikvikam13
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Looking forward to hearing what you have to say, from a current bochur's perspective.

legabay what? how bochurim would take to hearing such things from their rebbeim?

Not 'bochurim' - you! What would help you?
Hatzlacha

I kept rereading this conversation, trying to figure out was going on, what BenHashemBH's answer had to do with what i said... until it clicked.
He was trying to get me to take bait, so he can reel me in.