So I'm a yungerman in kollel learning very well and doing ok from that end. But I have been dealing with fantasies and mzl since I was quite young and over the years tried working on it on and off sometimes with better results than others, but still struggling.
Problem is my fantasies are affecting my marriage, makes it harder to connect in a healthy emotional way to my wife. Also makes working on z"l way harder since my mind just goes to places that I don't want to be. I know that unless I speak with a professional about it I will probably never get free of it. I'm seeing a therapist about some personal stuff (non sexual related) but I just can't bring myself to open up to him about my sexual struggles. 
Part of me is telling me that I should just go for it and bring it up with him, it's not a big deal, therapists are used to all sorts of stuff and probably heard worse stuff than what I will say. But I think that my struggles are more specific than the average stuff of other people dealing with inyonei kedusha and I feel really self conscious that he'll think I'm really messed up, and it's stam hard for me to talk about this sort of stuff as I'm a private type of person. Even if I do bring it up I feel like I'll be too embarrassed to be totally open and work through it all in a way that will enable me to heal and I don't feel I'll be able to share properly what I'm going through.
Does anyone have any chizuk for me, maybe someone else had a similar struggle with getting outside help and can share what worked for them?
Thanks!

Hello and welcome,

I think we all to a certain extent feel as if we are worse off than others or are different. To be honest we are all unique. The thing to keep in mind is that this struggle is normal and many ppl have this nisoyon. What separates us is that we are actively trying to improve ourselves in this regard.
Telling a therapist is extremely banaficial to your progress. I think that you should tell your story but if you want some practice, post it here.
We are here to help.
Much Hatzlacha!

neshomo kedosha wrote on 26 May 2024 01:00:

My time and money spent with my therapist is probably the best investment I ever made.  It gave me a clearer understanding of myself and tremendous insight in why I was drawn to the specific things that I was drawn to.  

A good therapist will respect you for working honestly on yourself.  There should be no shame in asking for help.  

best wishes
vehkam

First off if you can’t tell your therapist everything there is about you, then this isn’t the right therapist for you because you’ll find that a lot of your non sexual problems are interrelated with your sexual problems and if you can’t be completely open your just gonna find yourself beating around a bush and you’ll get very frustrated with therapy and you’ll say I tried therapy and it didn’t work. No therapy works if you have the right therapist which much like shidduchim is a shot in the dark. If this one isn’t working then move on to the next one. Secondly you’d be surprised how not so far out there your fantasies are and believe me I thought I was unique when I joined here too. Admittedly that was 10 years ago but I have learned as far out as I thought I was there are other people in the ballpark so open up a bit more maybe you’ll find someone who is in your ballpark aside for all the other nice human beans who lurk in these forums 

foolie wrote on 26 May 2024 03:08:

If our friend has been with the Therapist for 2 years week in week out, then your comment may carry weight. 

If not, then it’s not really relevant, is it?

I can take a lot of time for someone to get comfortable with their therapist. 

And moreso if there happens to be trust insecurity, which happens for the best of us

You are correct I have of course made the assumption that he has been seeing this therapist for awhile based on my reading of his post. That said you are also correct in saying it can take time to open up, but again based on my reading of the post the OP has been in therapy for some time hence the reason it was worded the way it was 

I spoke to my therapist about horrible things. He is the only one I can talk to him about these things. That is his job.

Speak to your therapist. No contest, but I'm sure he has heard worse than you can imagine. I'd suggest that you can go slow. But start. You can mention that you have troublesome thoughts. That you have fantasies etc. and you should/can slowly open up... But he is your best bet unless you don't feel comfortable with him personally.

Heilege Neshomo, 
You might consider telling him that there is something you would like to share with him but you are not comfortable doing so. You can tell him it is because you are concerned he will judge you, or because you think he won't be able to help you, or any other reason, or none at all.
It is also possible that the reason you are uncomfortable telling him what's going on inside you is as important as what's going on inside, but it might be an easier place to start the conversation (and it's not a waste of time btw). 

Thanks to everyone who answered my post!
I have been seeing the therapist for some time, about half a year. It's not that I don't feel comfortable with him, I think he's actually a very good therapist. It's more that I don't feel comfortable in myself to put it all out there, I feel like I'm a loser for having all these problems. But I guess that it's true what foolie said that everything is connected

If that is the case, while I understand that you feel poorly about yourself especially about this specific topic the best thing you can do in my humble opinion is just rip the band aid off and dive right in. Obviously move at your own pace and good luck

neshomo kedosha wrote on 26 May 2024 08:07:

You can always ask him to help you on the more general problem of “I feel like I'm a loser for having all problems, and don’t even feel comfortable sharing them with you. What do you think I should do?”

As an aside, if I may ask. How often do you see him - is it every;
2 weeks
1 week
2x per week

I say to therapist "there is something i want to work on with you but im too ashamed to share about it. Can you please help me get to a place where i can talk about it "

Possibly speaking your story out with with one of the Aurors (anonymously)  here can  make you realize that you are not as different as you think you may be.
And that can maybe make you more comfortable to speak it out with a therapist

Markz wrote on 26 May 2024 13:51:

once a week

redfaced wrote on 26 May 2024 15:31:

Someone else also mentioned speaking it out here. Do you mean posting direct onto the forum? Wouldn't it be oversharing and too graphic / triggering to others to discuss fantasies and related problems etc. out in the open