I've been down this road before and even managed to pull off 90 days not too long ago..... but I fell immediately afterward and haven't been able to pull myself out again.
Most of the time I feel like Im in control, but then there are these days when Im overtaken by a ruach shtus, it almost feels like temporary insanity, where I try to fight and I can push it off for some time but it seems like only a matter of time till im back to where I started. 
what do you do on those days?
I wish my wife was available more to help with this nisayon, but unfortunately she's not.
Can I add a bit of research I've done? It says that exercise (especially heavy lifting) can increase libido. For the average sheygetz that's a groysse bracha, but for me, its made it more difficult since I try to work out regularly. Do I need to stop working out? It's almost like my body's telling me that it "needs" this!
Last time I managed to get a good streak I used this forum as form of accountability to help me stay clean and Im planning to do the same again. If I have to come back and tell you all where Im holding hopefully it will encourage to overcome some of the harder days.
In terms of reaching out to others, I've had some communication in the past and it's helped but I've had nothing consistent. 
I don't know how I can possibly fall during the days of sefiras haomer, at least when my brain is working properly, but when the ruach shtus takes over I know anything is possible.
Please excuse my rant...and feel free to share any helpful advice.

I'm always impressed by someone who gets a good streak, falls, and doesn't give up but keeps right on trying to get better. Yasher Koach.

One of the main avodah's here is preparing  during the good times so we are prepared for the bad. So what happens during your "ruach shtus"? Do you have proper filters? Have you done the F2F program/practiced tools like urge surfing? 

Regarding exercise, I'm a lazy shlub so no real direct experience. I think people here recommend exercise as a way to help stop p&m. But hopefully someone else can chime in on the benefits. 

you should exercise. it releases dopamine which will help you get rid of the "ruach Shtus"

Hi @siyatta, welcome back! 

I understand that regular exercise or aerobics should be great for you, and us, but avoid lifting weights specifically, as you mentioned.

Have you read The Battle of the Generation?

Hatzlacha!!

frank.lee wrote on 04 May 2024 21:39:


Serious?

I think the ruach shtus is the big bear over here.
Let’s try figure out how to get it out the room, don’t you think?

Shalom! 
To echo Markz, would you like to discuss the Ruach Shtus at all? What brings it on, and how does it manifest? How have you had success resisting it, as you’ve mentioned? 

frank.lee wrote on 04 May 2024 21:39:


I just bought it. Thanks
Here's a link for those who are interested:
www.amazon.com/dp/B0B85TQGK7/ref=docs-os-doi_0

(ebook and audiobook available free here: guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation)

Im happy to discuss it. Im very in tune with it and deal with it frequently.

It seems to begin mid-week, Ive attributed this to the fact that onah by us is me'erev shabbos l'erev shabbos so mid week is when it's already been a while and won't be a while till the next. (without going into too much detail, I've tried creating another night midweek but it's not nogeah as far as my wife is concerned ...too overworked, over stressed and not open to the discussion).

It seems to begin internally, almost like my body needs it, I try very hard to avoid external stimuli. I can't say Im perfect, but I certainly try. My body/hormones start bothering and doesn't seem to leave me alone. I've tried surfing and waiting for it to go away but inevitably it comes back. If it starts Tuesday, for example, I can often hold off till Wednesday but by then I'm really struggling and if I make it till Thursday I can be full fledged overtaken, looking for ways to alleviate the need. At times i feel like Im mamash overtaken by this ruach shtus. 

I've made gedarim around devices and honestly I find porn to be repulsive but like I said I feel like this urge originates internally and pushes me to find ways to satisfy it.

Once I fall, the ruach shtus disappears and my clarity comes back and I feel like a piece of garbage for falling so low. I know that when I have this clarity there's no way I can fall but when I'm overtaken by this I don't know how to not fall.

Ive watched the F2F program and I do read TBOTG but not daily, usually on Shabbos. Probably the solution involves reading more often. 
If there is a trigger in my life it probably involves going to the gym. Like I mentioned, I try to exercise regularly and the gym is full of very fit people dressed as if they're on the beach or worse. 

I try to counter this by wearing ear buds listening to a shiur the whole time, I even started leaving my glasses off the whole time. Im definitely not gazing at the women there but I can't say i don't have occasional hirhurim imagining something. 

(I have another thread where I discussed my wife having put on quite a bit of weight. It doesn't help that I am very on top of my fitness and then surrounded in the gym by women who are all very fit and want everyone to know about it.)

Perhaps that and the combination of the additional libido from exercising is somehow responsible.

There are other aspects in my life that would possibly be considered triggers for many people, such as financial stress, debt, difficulty with certain teen children, etc but I don't usually feel like I am reacting to stress when seeking to act out. i certainly could be wrong but it doesn't feel like it. If anything I feel like exercise is the way I escape from stress. 

Is there a kosher gym in your city? Do the urges start or are more powerful on the days of the week that are after you go the gym? If you see that going to the gym is a trigger perhaps it is worth finding a different way to exercise.

Hi, my friend. It sounds like you have a pretty clear picture of where you stand. And kudos big time for all the effort to protect your eyes in the gym! Exercise is a great thing, and it relieves stress. But the way you describe your gym, it sounds like you need to find someplace else to work out. In such a situation, it's almost a מה יעשה הבן ולא יחטא. 
Another thought, how about making the goal to pull a few hours longer for the next few weeks. And then after that a few hours longer. In otgher words, build up your strength and tolerance step by step, until you can pull for long periods
Keep on trucking, and keep us posted!

siyatta wrote on 05 May 2024 14:37:

Going to a mixed gym and leaving your glasses off is like the guy who makes sure to wash before eating a cheeseburger.
If it's a trigger for you (and even if it's not a trigger it's likely halachicly assur to go since "is lay darka achrina") then stop going. Either find a "kosher" gym, go at weird times when the gym is empty, or exercise at home.

Just to clarify, and I apologize for the bluntness here, but are you saying that you have no porn issue, but you masturbate exactly once a week every week? Does that change if your wife is a niddah?

To add one small point to Choosurnames points- 
It seems to me to be impossible to gauge the effect that being around women in the gym has on you. Even if you aren’t gazing, the awareness that is created by exposure to underdressed, attractive women has a major impact. You write in your original post that you feel that exercise triggers your libido. Are you sure it’s the exercise and not the company and surroundings there?

I know what it would do to me. Even when I don’t look, if I’m in a a situation surrounded by Peritzus it has an effect of waking up the Beast inside. The he starts rattling the cage…
so I try to avoid any such situation as best as I can… 

Here’s a warm hand, friend. Hang on. You might have more choices than you think…

Please correct me if I am reading this wrong.
Looking through the description of the incredible grit and strength you are putting in, it seems as though a lot of time is spent fighting back and forth. Where even, before the major battle of the second half of the week, there is a consistent effort and emphasis put on not looking, avoiding triggers and external stimuli, and worrying about Hirhurim. That is very taxing! And, sometimes, it can put us right into what we are trying to avoid. Because, if I spend my week thinking about not falling, looking, or thinking, I have still not spent my week living. Additionally, I have set myself up for a much more crushing feeling of worthlessness if I fail C"V.
The method that has worked for me at times is having something to work on, spiritual or not. If I am in middle of a climatic chapter in Harry Potter and a thought of the random lady I saw on the street pops up, I don't spend the time worrying what it means or processing it.
I'm in middle of a book.
I have something I'm currently doing, and focusing on anything else would mean I'm not doing what doing.
So right now, I just don't have time for it.
Then, by choosing worthwhile things to occupy myself with, I can take this to the next level. Because even if I C"V fall, I'm still in middle of a different project, so I still have something I've been putting in the work on. And many times I can't just abandon it.
Put this in a spoiler cause it's one of the weirder things to come out of my twisted mind:

Thank you for all your responses. I too questioned whether my issue is simply going to a mixed gym (btw there is no kosher gym where I live), but I don't think so. I go multiple times a week and on Sunday l'mashal Im fine, Tuesday not so much.....

I've been making many gedarim and trying to avoid times when it's busy, I also changed gyms recently for one where I felt is somewhat better. I know I was ranting about the matzav in general in gyms because it's something that bothers me but I think my current setup is not too bad. At least not much worse than interacting with a world where women dress like they're in a bais hamerchatz everywhere they go.

I will bl'n try to be more diligent about being strategic about when I go. In general it's something that's been important for me as a way to escape my stresses in life and not so pashut to give up altogether. I had a tekufah of working out at home and it's not at all the same.