parev wrote on 13 May 2024 15:29:

I actually was asking an honest question. An simple, non-sarcastic answer would be nice. Maybe I am uneducated about SA, are there no separate meetings? 

Dear Parev,
We can all get upset sometimes. Sometimes we are really mad. But please go back to your post and take out the words we should never say, even if they are abbreviated
Thanks,
Eerie

Your behavior on the bus is amazing. Keep up the good work.

From what I read on GYE, it seems to be very common to use blunt language in SA meetings. On the GYE forum it is less common, and perhaps this is one of the reasons for people's responses to your posts. Don't let that get in the way of journaling on GYE as it is necessary for you to journal in order to heal. It is good that you are honest and vulnerable about the behavior in your home. You may gain some trophies by using more delicate and less vivid wording to express the same ideas. Keep on posting and sharing.

About CO's question, for example GYE used to have the forum mixed. I can't imagine how that went. But obviously it is more ideal separate. 

Similarly, I've would think that it would be more ideal for someone working on growing in shmiras habris to go to a separate SA group, if there is one. 

If there is none, maybe we should make one?

PLEASE NOTE:
The purpose of this thread is a place for me to express myself personal feedback or questions can be done through PM 
Therefore I am purposely not responding to the questions posed on this thread. perhaps I will on a different one.

BTW: I wish there was a way that one can PM a user directly by clicking on his profile instead of searching his name from a drop down menu....]

Back to journaling.
Was sleeping in my car when a group of girls walked past and started giggling, one said very loud - "ehr shluft gut!", I replied to their big surprise Shkoyach! , dont think I would have said anything had it been a group of boys. Just sharing. 
noticing that im sometimes taking second looks at the chest area, trying to notice underwear outlines.
Thats it for now

parev wrote on 14 May 2024 12:21:

See attachment. You can hit the highlighted icon by every user to PM.

calmed down a bit...
not easy to be so misunderstood by some of the bigshots on here, but hey I came for my own recovery and gota takeout of here what i can.
The shprach with a fellow in SA to an outsider is like trying to be masbir a Reb Chaim to a female.
Surprised that there are kimat no SA's here, but I suppose we have program GYE is less relevant.
I came here to connect with people I can relate to BSD found 1 [my old chavruso!!] and a few others who I can call.
the forum is a good chanel sometimes too.
now this journal is a dovor choshuv for me for now.
Keep hitting that negative karma guys - thank you so much I love you chevra!!! 

I apologize for coming on strongly, overly judgmental, and questioning. 

You have my genuine best wishes for growth in recovery. 

And I am always interested in “chapping” a Rav Chaim that I didn’t chap yet. 

Keep climbing, friend Parev. 

(Just try to remember that some of us are unused to SA Shprach. It may be better to talk in the language that’s commonly used here. For example, here we strongly encourage TRucking!

Get to know some of the people you think are bigshots.
You may just find that they are not. 
Possibly misunderstanding . but not big shots.

parev wrote on 14 May 2024 21:50:

gevald!


maybe try to only see the outer layer, dont go so deep, its not a Reb chaim,
or i would bring it up with the SA girls.

keep trucking
הצלחה רבה

Whoever doesn’t like the treif words Parev has used, should please look in the mirror and ask yourself the question “How different am I in my behavior. Should I be banned from gye because I masturbated in the past 12 months?”

This is an accepting zone.

I know this is tough, but helping others starts by being a listening ear.
If it hurts, you’re alllowed to say ouch respectfully via PM.

No need to drag anyone down.

If it’s deeply inappropriate (which it maybe) there’s always a moderator around.

Guys, you’ve been slacking from the “depressed persons chill spot”. Get back to where you belong!!!

Marks you're my man!!

Reminder:
This thread is a journal of sorts of one particular person, and the language, sentiments and experiences shared may seem inappropriate to some.
User discretion is advised.

A good friend of mine called me up yesterday and told me that he's been following the latest hack on the forum, and he sees my reactions misplaced as he read the other posters using different tones than I did [sans sarcasm and criticism].
That togethers with the positive posts on here has calmed me down, and made me realize that i don't have to fe'enfer myself as long as i am being honest with myself and my sponsor.

I have rejoined the mir and have noticed myself to act as a recluse and anti social. by natre i am a freindly guy and love shmoozing [and wasting time] the open lack of structre in the mir has made me one track minded on my learning and im grateful that i am using my time wisely. throught my life i have found myself to be a all or nothing guy, at least now the all is learning.... Bien hasdorim is for preparing for yeshiva [and clocking into GYE!] so I eat lunch by myself 123...
the bus I use exclusivly for shlufing [or phonecalls etc] ignoring my seatmates and fellow mirrers...
LEMAASA I have never been so spritually fulfilled in my life, davening 3 minyonim a day, leaning well and enjoying it, writing up chiddushim, comming an time for seder and not taking breaks in the middle, not shmoozing in seder AND helping my wife with bedtime!!! there is definatly something good thats hasppening inside me, and I know that loosing sobriety means loosign this serenity...

This packed shtieging program has come with a price of not spending chilling time with my wife on a daily basis, we do sneak in a cuddle supper time, but not more that 5 mins. Since I only come home at 12 am the rebbetzin is sleeping already, although BH I have engh sanity not to resent it and instead thank her for allowing me to shtieg as she puts herself to sleep by herself. the nights are nice BH [details omitted to protect the innocent] but obviously no sex. Im grateful that I am in position where I readily surrender even asking for it in the morning, a) its not the right thing to do  b) she doesn't really want it then 3) its more ejaculation than connection 4) it will ruin the experience for when we will IYH be together as couples should be. even if i wake up physically uncomfortable I can surrender and get out of bed without it being to much of an issue.

one consequence of my acting out hit home hard last night when I realized that I have lost the privilege of giving tremps to females. I have even lost the privilege of stopping at a trempidia where there MIGHT be a female. It hurts because it breaks my heart to drive right past and ignore them, but I have proven myself that I need to go of lust in all its forms and shapes, and even though i'm not giving the ride because of lust, it pangs when I ask myself had they been boys would you also have been so willing to stop.... 

Seems like years of conditioning to notice and focus on females curves is part of my psyche, have to let go just for today!!!

Cool move - though to an onlooker it may look the opposite…

Just wanna say to all my fans; giving me positive karma to counter the negative isn't doing very much for my ego, it reminds me that I'm just parev with zero karma.
I wanna get to 50, I don't care which way, I was doing really well [-14] till pple started the trend the other way.
I asked on a thread to give me negative karma - that way EVERYONE is giving me karma - fans and foe alike, it adds up and the foes get diluted with the overwhelming of karma I get from fans [even if its negative]
It could be that it's my foes giving me positive karma to outdo all the negative karma my fans are giving me, in that case just keep it up, thank you and its shows how many foes I have BH!