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TOPIC: Help me delete 468 Views

Help me delete 18 Aug 2022 21:04 #384889

Guys, I can use some help here.
I’ve been “on and off” for the last 4 years. I’d have a couple weeks clean, maybe even a couple months clean, and then I’d be right back at it. This may sound strange, but I’ve accumulated a large Google drive of “hard to get” shmutz. At times I would delete it all, but then next time I slipped, I would spend hours searching and downloading shmutz. So I told myself, I’m probably going to slip again at some point. It would be a “waste” if I then spent hours and hours looking for certain videos. I may as well save them in case I end up slipping again. As we get closer to Elul, I want to be able to do a complete “azeivas hacheit”. But it’s extremely difficult for me to delete my collection. Both because I spent so much time creating it, and because I have a feeling I’m going to lust for it at a later time. (FYI I’m currently clean for 22 days)

Re: Help me delete 18 Aug 2022 21:24 #384892

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tcproperty44 wrote on 18 Aug 2022 21:04:
Guys, I can use some help here.
I’ve been “on and off” for the last 4 years. I’d have a couple weeks clean, maybe even a couple months clean, and then I’d be right back at it. This may sound strange, but I’ve accumulated a large Google drive of “hard to get” shmutz. At times I would delete it all, but then next time I slipped, I would spend hours searching and downloading shmutz. So I told myself, I’m probably going to slip again at some point. It would be a “waste” if I then spent hours and hours looking for certain videos. I may as well save them in case I end up slipping again. As we get closer to Elul, I want to be able to do a complete “azeivas hacheit”. But it’s extremely difficult for me to delete my collection. Both because I spent so much time creating it, and because I have a feeling I’m going to lust for it at a later time. (FYI I’m currently clean for 22 days)

Hey there. Thank you for this post. It sounds like you are lusting for it already and need some encouragement to burn it. Do yourself a favor: stay far away from that hard drive and have someone wipe it clean TODAY, NOT tomorrow. Like the post above this one says, you need to clarify with yourself: what do you you want to be? Do you want to be someone who lives in fantasy land and looks at the most repulsive of things, or do you want to live in reality, be a ben Torah, and face the challenges of this complicated world to become a great person? I think we both know the answer. The fact that you are on this website and struggling with this question shows us all that you want the latter. Now just get it done and get it done quick.
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.

Re: Help me delete 18 Aug 2022 22:22 #384893

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Delete it and get a filter that blocks those downloads 

Re: Help me delete 18 Aug 2022 23:02 #384895

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I find this question fascinating. It reminds me of people who buy smart phones for porn and then smash them when they do "teshuva".

This may be somewhat unorthodox but I think you've touched on a big truth here. If a person can't control their lust then filters don't help. Period (for the most part).

My personal advice is not to obsess about the drive. It's a distraction. Work on controlling your lust and convincing yourself that you are capable of being strong in the long term. I looked at some of your prior posts and I get the impression that that is an area of struggle for you. If you get that under control, deleting the drive will come naturally. {HHM I think has some real nuggets on this point}

TLDR It's all part of one avodah and doing the seemingly big steps may be missing the point

p.s. I'm still a big fan of filters and they are huge for me but they have to have their place 

Re: Help me delete 19 Aug 2022 14:14 #384924

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First off, this doesn't sound strange.  Is it possible that you need a little more clarity why you want to delete the drive?

What's your goal? If you want to stop lusting, searching and watching these things, you should delete it and try to make it as inaccessible as possible while working on gradually overcoming lust. 

You wrote your having a hard time deleting it "because I have a feeling I’m going to lust for it at a later time." Yes, you probably will and so will I and a lot of others over here and that is why in a moment of clarity you should try to burn every bridge that you have to what will bring you down.

"It would be a “waste” if I then spent hours and hours looking for certain videos.


That's not a waste, It would be a waste if it was at your fingertips in a moment of weakness while your working hard to overcome this.

In terms of teshuva, I'm not saying this applies to you but I think that for alot of us recovery has to come before teshuva or with teshuva. Very often we're not ready to do a full teshuva before we're in recovery mode. The recovery itself is teshuva.

Remember: LUST=Living Under Satan's Temptations 

Re: Help me delete 20 Aug 2022 00:15 #384950

Just do it. 

Make a rash decision to delete it regardless of whether or not you're going to regret it later. I've been in your situation before, so I would say if you're not willing to do it at this moment, then make a cheshbon of what you stand to lose when it comes to rosh hashanah, and I'm referring to gashmiut things specific to this aveira because they would speak more. So parnassah, hatzalacha in certain endeavors specific to you , health etc. Whatever you find speaks to you. Then after you make the chesbon, don't think about the future and if you'll regret this or not, and just go do it. Be careful not to see any of thumbnails of the videos while doing so, and if thoughts of regret come up while your deleting them, which it has for me almost every time aside from the times where I spent hours looking at it and felt like garbage, try your best to fight it and do it even if you feel like you will eventually regret it. Because you will only regret it for a few moments before realizing you did yourself a big favor by deleting all of them.

I'm wishing you hatzalacha, I hope you beat this nisayon.
FOR FREE FILTERS AND ACCOUNTABILITY SOLUTIONS CLICK HERE
(Includes WebChaver/CovenantEyes, Microsoft Family Safety, and Apple
Screentime
and a how-to guide to set them up without loopholes)  

Even if you already have a filter, these are necessary additions because
they fix many loopholes that exist with paid filters (speaking from firsthand
experience) and because they add priceless accountability features.

If you have trouble filtering a shared device, then see the post for how
to get these filters discreetly, without any other users' knowledge whatsoever
and without the filters affecting the other users of the device at all.
Last Edit: 20 Aug 2022 00:33 by To Yosef Hatzaddik.

Re: Help me delete 21 Aug 2022 02:46 #384961

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Just do it, Just do it,
No no don’t be afraid,
Just do it, Just do it,
Hashem is at your side.
Just do it, Just do it,
No no don’t hesitate,
Just do it, Just do it,
.לא לא אל תפחד
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Help me delete 21 Aug 2022 03:42 #384963

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Trust all of us here, you'll be more then happy once you've deleted it. Yes you will lust it at some time, but remember that you took the right decision. 
maybe a webchaver can help...
Have you read The battle of the Generation and The GYE handbook? You will find great answers to your questions there...

Re: Help me delete 21 Aug 2022 05:38 #384965

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DO NOT DELETE IT JUST YET.

1st read this and please let me know if you took this forward at all!
tcproperty44 wrote on 31 May 2018 19:09:
I don't have a Rav that I feel comfortable asking this shayla to. Therefore I am asking on this forum if anyone knows the answer.

I have had an addiction problem when I was single. Once I got married I got it under control.
However, during the beginning of the 12-14 day niddah cycles I keep falling repeatedly. It's like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Two weeks is just too long. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ANY TIPS OR ADVICE ON HOW TO CONTROL MY ADDICTION. I have already read most of the GYE website.
I am asking specifically if anyone knows if Halacha will permit my wife to keep Niddah D'oraysa and go to the mikva after seven days. This way I can control myself knowing it's just a few days until we'll be muttar again.The way I see it, chumrah drav zeira is making me be oiver serious issurim.

Thanks in advance.


HERE IS DOVS RESPONSE
Dov wrote on 01 Jun 2018 12:49:
Disclaimer: as you requested, I am not gonna try to "advise you in how to control your addiction," as you put it. I will explain exactly why, later. Now, be"H, to the ikkar:

Of course you "do not have a Rov I am comfortable asking this to."

We know that your shayloh is about a hanhoga that would be a huge and rare heter - and to truly answer such a shayloh you'd need to open up to any Rov about the details of: how hard it is for you, what you do when she's asurah for the second week, vs the first week, how often you sin and how badly, what goes on in the bedroom and what isn't going on, whether you came into the marriage with a 'zera levatola problem' or a porn use problem already, etc. 

So the priblem here is not finding a Rov who is the kind of person you'd be comfortable asking this to, of course. It's that you (or any of us!) are waayyy too ashamed to be open enough to provide all the details that any Rov would of course need in order to answer this shayloh. And to get the right feel for the true circumstances of your situation, he would most likely have to meet you in person, for this is obviously a very sensitive and individualized heter you are asking about.

So to be clear: the problem is not, "I don't have a Rov that I feel comfortable asking this shayloh to," but rather that you'd never ask this shayloh properly to any Rov, of course. The problem you are suffering so painfully from is that you are too ashamed to properly ask this important shayloh. The problem is shame, not finding a Rov. It's in you, not in "the Rabbonim you already know not making you feel comfortable enough to ask."

Same as with your wife. The problem is not her, not in her (normal) cycle, not in the 'pesky d'rabonon requirements' put on you, nor in any other circumstances around you. 

The problem is you and your own character. And I doubt that you are an addict or have any addiction, at all - and I'm an addict myself saying this, chaver! I think you just have no clue yet how to deal with your own yetzer hora and your own sexuality. It is unfortunate that you are also probably too ashamed to open up about this to anyone. There are many who could help you, if you would really be open and honest about it all. But the only people who are safe, are people who are those who are 1- willing to meet you in person to talk about it and 2- are also clean for years, themselves. My advice is to stay away from random people posting on any username-based website such as GYE. Your problem is a real one, it is a real-life issue and your marriage and life are are in the balance. Many here are philosophers and advisers - from a safe distance - and have nothing of their own to offer that's real or proven over time. Quoting p'sukim and sforim means nothing, necessarily.

If you would like a good, experienced Rov and Posek to discuss your issue with who will be safe, I can give you his USA number. But be prepared to be fully open with him. He is tried and tested and safe. Many people I have send him from GYE have expressed thanks, and he may help you get the help you really need - which I maintain is probably not with 'controlling your addiction', but just learning how to be healthy in general. Torah helps with that when it's from a Rov who really understands and has experience with issues like yours.

Hatzlocha chaver!

Dov
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Re: Help me delete 22 Aug 2022 23:05 #385046

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Learn what triggers you to download it in the first place.

The downloading is merely a symptom of your urge to act out.
And it also encourages it too, a vicious cycle.

If you can recognise those circumstances and feelings, then you can work on more positive responses to that urge.

Try Mindfulness.
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