I’m going to sleep now but I just wanted to thank y’all and say that I deleted YouTube for now I’m not safe with it

Great to hear! Just a suggestion, maybe take a neder with how your feeling right now to abstain from youtube for a given amount of time that's appropriate for you to take? I think the best for everyone is to get rid of it forever and I think you also feel the same way since you deleted youtube right after the fall.

Keep it up!

Your growing and learning your boundaries.

There are so many other outlets other than YouTube that you can do to let out some steam

How about researching an interesting kosher topic

Read a book

Connect with family/friends




I myself thought YouTube would be a "safe" outlet..it took a few close calls to get my head screwed half way right.

Keep inspiring the olom!

Ok good morning y’all!!!! Today is going to be day one. Although the mehalech is usually one day at a time, I first need to get to a week…..

so today is today

today will be 1/7 Bez”H 

I knew it was going to be a challenging week I just didn’t think I would mess up on Sunday…. Ok wtvr that behind me 

joetyh wrote on 21 Feb 2022 09:43:

Yosef Hatzadik - Keep it up!

Just wanna point out what’s been said time and time again that ‘One Day @ A Time’ means doing what works today. Not counting days…

Unless counting days is THE clicker for you, which imho is rare for most of us here, b/c haven’t we all been doing that prior to gye?

KOH

True But I have to get to a week to be more steady… after that I can take one day at a time. Does that make sense?

I take that back. Like the rebbe Reb HHM said “you don’t worry today if you’re going to put on tefillin tomorrow you make sure you put it on today” 

today is today

today will be a clean day

Good morning today will be a clean day (I woke up really late so less hours but still a day ) 

today will be clean day #2 Bez”H 

but who’s counting (me)

I am Yosef Hatzdik I will break this nisayon 

Ok we are 2 down now we are going on Day 3!!!!

not much to say but it is going to be a stressful emotionally difficult rest of the week but that doesn’t mean I will fall 

Any reason why it's going to be like this for you this week? (if you're comfortable sharing)

Without to many details my parents came to visit me and I’ve been running around since the second they arrived and it is so far out of my comfort zone which is draining for me

Ok 3days clean onto day 4!!!! The week is almost over B”H but it ain’t over til it’s over. 
I don’t have much to say more than that today will be a clean day

today will be a day where I get just a tiny bit closer to having a functional outlook on what real intimacy is

today will be a day that I can hopefully get closer to the eibeshter 

and finally today will be a good day

And I had a fall.

I thought I would be strong… 

ok back to the beginning of the story. A couple of weeks ago I had a fall by finding random videos from random links to Google Drive. It took me a while to find anything to get off to because B”H the filter is good and a lot of the formats were not allowed. After the fall I deleted everything from the Google Drive and done, or so I thought….. today I was going through my Google Drive looking at old pictures and all these stuff that I opened (even if they didn’t work) were all there!!!! So I was strong and went on deleting them one by one (the multi select wasn’t working for some reason) and I deleted probably 100 stuff give or take and I wasn’t even halfway done. Than I exited the app for a little and when I got back to it, all the stuff I deleted were back there   I don’t know why or how…. And I got mad and stressed out about it. And I made the decision to do what I had pushed off all this time. Watch one of the videos and masturbate and you know what? That is what I did. I went to the bathroom and watched a video and masturbated… I fell…. 

Weirdly when I logged into my Google Drive on my laptop all these stuff weren’t there…. So I decided it must be cache left on my iPhone. I deleted and reinstalled the app and poof they aren’t there anymore…

this was a rough nisayon and I may not have pushed through all the way but I pushed through for a long time before I fell 

Everyone of those steps you took to delete the files is a treasure. You kept holding back and even after you fell you got right back up. You are obviously very motivated and you should be excited By how strong you are becoming. Keep building on your successes and keep thinking of yourself as being on the offensive. Thanks for posting.

Plan in advance 
know when the rough times are
call someone every mtzsh just to shmuz
 and plan for the urges to come and just ride it like a surfer on a wave
u will see it ends quicker than you think it will