hey people!!! just had a fall 2 nights in a row after building my streak to 5 days... but you know what, 5 days, that was pretty impressive. I have made myself sort of reliant on videos to entertain myself during bein hasedarim and after night seder which means i occasionally need to access youtube which is a killer because it starts with downoading just some fun vlogs and/or product reviews and it goes downhill from there. I need to find a way to be able to get some videos (I dont think i can quit cold turkey from watching and 613tube isnt an option) but not falling down that terrible rabbit hole of the "How bad of a video can i find on YouTube). besides for youtube theres the plain urges that come and I just feel powerless against them. I try to beat them but its so so hard to. even the smallest trigger (i.e. seeing a random pretty girl in the street) can just set me off on a bad day. I really want to be clean!!! I really do!!!! But I feel like as soon as the urge comes I just decide that "it's just this time" and I'll find an excuse to justify it.

I'm on day 1 now. My goal right now is 1 week. I think I can do it and I know it will be very painful but I'm ready.

any suggestions or if you can relate hop on to this topic

Can we rewrite the script? Does bain hasedarim have to be YouTube? For years guys played basketball, chess, shmuzzed while walking, etc. All of the above involve at least one more person - and connecting with that person, and require you to actually do something. Watching videos is done in isolation - even if someone is sitting with you, you are both swallowed up in the screen. In addition, you are not doing anything. You are not moving, thinking, using your brain or body for anything productive. A video should be a last resort measure in general - even without the added concern of seeing inappropriate garbage. Sorry to be so blunt, but you will be doing yourself an enormous favor in the menuchas hanefesh area if you can break out of relying on videos to destress and fill empty time.

joetyh I didn't believe id be at 2 clean weeks tomorrow. I'm now almost there. YOU CAN DO IT!

its true but in israel there isnt much to do during bein hasedarim.... i was always the chilling myself kind of guy (probably because of low self esteem)

I'm going on day 2 clean Bez"H if I can stay clean tonight (Mtz"sh is hard for me to fall asleep even if i didnt sleep shabbos afternoon so it doesnt always end well.....) I will have to fight my urges and not get caught in these bad habits

joetyh wrote on 15 Jan 2022 19:51:

Find what to do. a brisk walk is always a good idea by the way, and in Eretz Yisroel there are those that hold every daled amos is a mitzva.....

and i fell....... I had so much time to make the decision not to and i was almost there.
ok from the beginning. I had a big urge this morning and i decided im going to get youtube unlocked and i decided not to. than after watching some random videos the urge did not go away.... (no kidding) and i decided to go on a walk and i ended up in a computer cafe going to download some random videos well it went well for the most part until i decided to check out some no so kosher videos. well obviously i wasnt going to watch them there so i put them on my usb stick and the whole way home i was in a crazy battle to delete it right when i get back to yeshiva but once i got back the brilliant yetzer hara was like ok you can delete it but first and least check out what youre deleting and that was that.

i wanted so badly to have a clean week!!!!!! 

i have made a decision now. i will bli neder not go to this internet place again and if i "need"  to get some videos i can only unlock youtube if someone is looking over my shoulder the entire time.....

looking fwd to a clean rest of the week!!!!



HERE GOES DAY 1!!!!!



#ThisTime WillBeBetter

Your unbeilevable! #ODAAT

Do you have a mentor in Israel that you can open up to about this stuff?   I would imagine there are hundreds of guys in the same position as you. having someone to talk to in real life should make this fight so much easier.  You are not alone!

i dont really have a mentor. i had a mentor sort of but it wasnt the right one for me

almost finished one day of being clean.... does anyone know when i write that i had a fall in the 90 days chart, do i write clean since the same date or do i put in the next day? i always put the date it is

weird story happened today, i need your guys opinion. This morning out of no-where some random shigtza messaged me on whatsapp some spammer from some whatsapp job group. first I decided ill just chat to have fun cuz i like playing games with scammers but i ended up asking her for a picture.. cuz her profile triggered me. It wasnt any inappropriate pics but i ended up being mzl.... is this a fall? 

that depends on your goals.
if you’re counting days clean from masturbation, then it would be a fall. 
this is a good lesson on always being on guard - you never know where the next trigger may come from!

i think its a fall but not a bad one....

It is a big lesson cant be off guard for even a second