Just not in the mood of anything these last few days. I just sinned. Don't even enjoy doing it anymore. It's more of an urge to just get it done. Was feeling anxious because I didn't sleep good, have a splitting headache, woke up late, came late to work. boss is upset. I'm upset. No friends. Life is too boring, monotonous. I'm not looking forward to anything. It's all just such a drag.....

farblunjet wrote on 13 Aug 2019 22:52:

Sorry to hear.

Oh boy. Of course if you have 12 steps of madness you’re trying to jump all at one time, it’s gonna be insurmountable. 

How about take 1? I’d start with #9
FuggetaboutEverythingElse

Don’t stay farblunget.
Stay with us :-)

But I'm terrible with connecting with people. I think this is the cause for most of my life's problems.

farblunjet wrote on 15 Aug 2019 05:53:

If you're terrible at it, it's probably a great place to start.

Someone whos helped me a lot in recovery is fond if saying, "lots of excuses - but not one good reason."

stillgoing wrote on 20 Aug 2019 00:41:

I'm going to assume that my recent karma decrease was because of the above quote. (It may be from something else). I'm sorry if I offended anyone.  My point was that I've lived for decades with many reasons why I wasn't sober. It was either that I had too much time, or too little to do, or too hard to find a chavrusa or a bunch of other reasons. Eventually I had to realize that so long as I'm still harping on the reason that I'm still acting out, I won't find the solution to stop acting out.   I had many excuses for my life - some of them may actually have been true, but none of them were good enough reasons to actually act out.

Hope I'm clearer then before, and if you don't agree with me, we may share something in common. :-)

@stillgoing 
Interesting thought. But practically speaking, doesn't get me anywhere. I guess perhaps you can say that you have to have the right mindset first, and for that, yea, ok, I hear ya.

Sounds to me like you are suffering from depression farblunjet.

You write that acting out is not enjoyable any more...that resonates as it was something you previously used to cope with the painful emotional lows and emptiness...but now you are immune to the acting out and do it because it is habit.

So congratulations!

Because you now see clearly what the problem it is you have to deal with - the depression and the lows.

Nothing will change overnight...but plot out a new career path....look forward to that.

And seek out activities you enjoy...friends should come through them.

farblunjet, i can assure you, from personal experience, the world itself without any add-on's is a wonderful place.

i used to be a very bitter person and i thought i was dealt a bad deck of cards. i had my share of rough times. it took a long time, over 5 years of searching within myself with an honest eye, but with the help of Hashem I found my way out. I am still finding my way out everyday. Everyday I try to find more and more joy in the simple things of life. A sunset, a breeze, a talk with God, a good joke i overheard. it sounds easier than done, i know, but it is possible. 

I am not a therapist in any shape of form, but what do you like to do hobby wise or activity wise? There must be something......

@redfire

not sure, I just need to find someplace/something/somewhere.