Hi guys just wanna say first off the amount of group support and understanding for one another is a tremendous chizuk and I really appreciate all of you and especially GYE for everything you do ! Just a Q just a 23 year old getting married soon bh very happy.  But I'm still struggling with masturbation but not pornogaphy Anymore and it drives me nuts that i can't shake it  I have these up and down streaks.. I mean I used to struggle with both but these days it's just the Masturbation. What's my next best move ? I've slipped already on the taphsic method and fasted many times. And I'm scared of the 12 steps meetings. If anyone could help give an eitza would be amazing and really appreciated. 

Hi Brother (Hashem Echad is always here...)

Welcome. Thanks for sharing and opening up a little here. May Hashem Echod Guide Hashem Echod the next right step.

Yor brother Lomad

Welcome It should be with hatzlocha. First thing is to get out of your head that there is a need to masturbate. Usually that recurring thought is what makes us crash. Keep connected with the oilam here. The chizuk is incredible.

Welcome Chattan de'nan

Yeah there's a motto here "Keep on Trucking" but you gotta start slow

A quick question needs a quick answer. But some answers take a few minutes more than that ;-)

Start with some Dov posts and see where they take you. He also has a great recording re; dating

It should be with Mazal and keep us posted

Hashem_echad wrote on 15 Oct 2018 21:40:

Hi.

May I ask you what sort of things you think about when you masturbate? Is it memories of p*rn you saw in the past, other material on the web or in print, thoughts about women you run into?

I'm not looking for graphic details, just a vague description.

I stopped doing p*rn fifteen years ago but I masturbated for years afterwards to memories of my ex wife and to one fantasy I had when I was a teenager.

Thx brother really appreciate it ! Pls explain I don't get it. If it's not a need then what Is it ? Yea I'm seeing already the chizuk Is so powerful. You guys are amazing !!

Thx!! Where do I find do these posts?

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Hashem_echad wrote on 16 Oct 2018 17:00:

When someone is hungry and distracts himself, when the distraction is over, he is starving. When one is tired and gets very busy, when done he "crashes". However when one feels the urge to masturbate and instead gets on a treadmill, goes for a walk, gets busy at work, etc, the urge does not automatically reappear when that distraction/task is over. i have woken up with strong erections "ready to go" and forced myself to get moving and bh the urge did not return. that shows us that ejaculation is not a need, rather a very pleasurable activity which some of us have gotten into the habit as using as a stress reliever, boredom escape, or rejection pacifier. (As we all know the relief is extremely short lived and simply not worth the depression/anxiety/guilt/ feelings we develop immediately after acting out.)

Hashem_echad wrote on 16 Oct 2018 17:29:

How long do you need to wait?

And how often do you need to see her before you get married?

If that's the big problem right now then I think the solution is for you to figure out an objective picture of what you "living" with her will be like. No one knows for the future, but some ideas of the future are more off base than others.

When I was engaged I masturbated fantasizing that I would basically enslave my wife, she would force herself into a kind of servitude. This fantasy turned out to be totally wrong. She ended up having most of the power in the relationship because she is needy and angry and I'm a softy ... Just illustrating here, your fantasies are going to be different.

You might benefit from writing down the details of that imaginary future and then poking holes in that vision ("is this kind of girl really going to wear X or do Y for me?") If you do this homework daily your desire should subside. Even more effective might be to find someone to do this homework with, someone who has experience and can explain why your rosy predictions are unlikely to come true.

Hashem_echad wrote on 16 Oct 2018 17:29:

My dear chosson, it appears you have a pretty clear understanding that pornography is poison and destructive to a marriage. Your wife to be should not become your "masturbating device" after marriage. Stop thinking about her during your engagement in sexual terms. Look forward to spending quality time with her, giving to her, raising children with her, growing with her, and for now leave the bedroom out of your imagined scenes.....

II too masturbated while I was engaged. Unfortunately I did not look for help despite warnings from an S.A. member and my chosson rebbe. Kudos to you for reaching out. At the time I was also scared of meetings I also claimed I didn't had time. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't go to meetings; however, you should consider it because of you need S.A. the problem won't go away. 
In any case best of luck on your journey. 

Wow well said thx !! A great outlook. 

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Also I would add that bh. We have a great relationship so far. And i am very excited to grow with her and build a family with her I highly respect her and care about her , in a non sexual way. This isn't a situation wher I'm just excited for the wedding night.  Just wanted to clarify.