Hello all,

I recently began a new job, which was highly competitive. The work is fascinating and I am tremendously fortunate that Hashem facilitated this opportunity for me. G-d willing, he will allow me to be successful and create a Kiddush Hashem.

One particular challenge that exists is that there are a few immodestly dressed girls who work on my team. They all appear to be bright, attractive, friendly, and kind. To put things in perspective, I am 24 and single. I am dating and am looking for a fine young lady who possesses these qualities (albeit someone Jewish and modestly dressed).  In general, I usually balance being friendly and professional well when I have had to interact with women in school, the workplace, or any other setting. While I do not believe I would sin with one of these girls, I do not want to get anywhere near that slippery slope. How do I keep the proper perspective and persevere through this challenge?  I do not want to think improper thoughts. I am also aware that marriage does not solve out challenge, but it is particularly difficult when you haven't found the one and don't have someone you've committed to and can appreciate while you are surrounded by non-Jewish coworkers who have certain maalos that I find important for myself. 

Welcome!  Perhaps a great question to ask your Rav or Rebbi.  In general, you have the ritght idea.  Keep it professional.  Don't shmooze.  It may help to discuss these nisyonos with someone.

As gibbor said, ask your rav. It may be advisable to ask others in the business world how they deal with it. I have a close friend that keeps his boundaries by never addressing any women in the office by first name. Wishing you much s'yatta d'shmaya.

My prayers, Thank our Maker, beauty is His gift, and thank Him in your heart for the challenge and you will with the help of One, be faithful to ones who know not how to guard their own beauty, but seek wisdom each part of the day as ti what you shall do, the victory is sure if you journey in the Infinite One.

I have the same issue.
I keep my interactions with the women as brief as possible.
I am polite and friendly but keep it 99% focussed on the work, 1% on a polite inquiry into general conversation i.e. 'Hi, I hope you are well."
IfI am aware of a certain issue in their life i will discuss it briefly, i.e.e "I hope your new property is coming along OK" or "I was sorry to hear that your grandmother passed away".

But I mainly keep to chatting to male colleagues.

Thank you all for your help. I have a hard time discussing this stuff with a Rav because I don't feel that a Rav often understands these issues (he mainly deals with issues only with frum people) and many just seem to rail against working. I hate to say this, but sometimes I feel that certain Rabbonim only seem to feel positive about people working if it's in something providing a large enough paycheck to fund their shul, yeshiva, or other institution. 

And even if they are more understanding and not shallow in that way, they just don't possess the real experience to know what the reality of the situation is. 

I told a couple of rebeim in Yeshiva and they were very receptive. One told me to go to SA! I know my shul rav works with alcoholics so i am sure that he is familiar with sex addicts. 

I think more Rabbis than we think are familiar with these issues. Some arent. I told another rebbe and he said marriage would fix my problem which i know it wont. Maybe he didnt grasp how deep my problem is. 

You never know, maybe they have good eitzahs or they could recommend someone to you who would help you. 

I can't imagine what you're going through. It must be so hard. I too work in a non-jewish environment with females a plenty. I don't see any jewish people throughout the day and am not near anything jewish or kosher for that matter. Looks can be deceiving and as you know 'the best way to kill a romance is by marrying the girl'. Try to think of a turn off when confronted with thoughts. I've found this has helped in my case. Keep me posted.

I thought of something.
In the book "Windows of the Soul" (you can read it here) he talks about this issue.
In Day 18 he suggests trying to ask the boss to implement a work-place dress code. Check out what he says on page 106-108.
Let me know what you think.
Hatzlacha!!!!
We're rooting for you!
PS. I attached the file of Windows of the soul. It's a great book. Highly recommended.

Yehuda0612 wrote on 29 Sep 2017 00:47:

Thanks bro
I hope that was a spelling mistake ;-)

Whoops!
Yeah, that was a mistake. 
CORRECTION:
We're rooting for you!!!

Yehuda0612 wrote on 29 Sep 2017 01:57:

Haven't seen you here in a loooooooooooooooong while. How did you get to an amazing 750+ days???

Wow those are my feelings too of a lot of the rabbeim i deal with (i'm in a very yeshivish setting) especially now that i'm headed into Shidduchim i don't feel ready but they are pushing me and i'm lost and confused about what to do i kinda feel at this point like they own me because they have been guiding me for 4 years. Ouch it's been tough

Thanks Yehuda0612! I did read Windows of the Soul. It seemed to be very realistic in that it realized the issues we face and offered feasible solutions for particular issues that arise.

While the dress code idea may be helpful in some places, it won't work where I am at. I work at a large organization that prides itself on being more worker-friendly (normal hours, extra courses offered at the company, and generally genuine and leasant people to be around). I just started too and they were super nice about taking off for Yom Tov. There is no official dress code and I don't see them being receptive to one, unfortunately.

villzeinheilig wrote on 28 Sep 2017 19:25:

I do landscaping, one of my customers, a female went into her house, and came out barely dressed, I put in my head the 3 step principle fixed repeating it quietly, I prayed and was able to avoid her advances, I left work that day, shaken but a new hope of victory here.