Hello,

I have an important (and a little urgent) question about Taphsic.

I have a Taphsic neder who is working well since many weeks, and I renew it every month.
It is based on the Taphsic in GYE's handbook.

In the last hour, I was on the edge 
The last day was terrible, and I feeled very sad and depressed when I went to sleep.

Automatically, the rush came and I started to masturbate, without seeing p..n.
I wanted to take my phone, to see some inapropriate things and to do zera levatala... But suddenly there was like a snap in my head and I stopped immediately before I saw anything. And there was no zera levatala.

So I am here, and it's calm now.

But, is it technically a fall ? Do I have to pay my knas and... To tell it to my wife, like described in my Taphsic ?
And do I have to restart counting sober days ?

I have the following sentences in the Taphsic
"A fall : I intentionally  motzi zera livatala  (masturbate) while fully awake"
" If I am honestly not sure that  I had a fall, I will not have any  KNAS."

What do you think ?

Thank you !

You need to ask a rabbi.

Personally, I don't understand.

Your vow says nothin' about seein' porn.

Your vow is also confusin'. Is it not to masturbate? Is it not to ejaculate?

Additionally, were you awake or not? What does fully awake mean?

Masturbatin' is serious.
Vows are serious.
Double trouble!

The entire vow below : it's from GYE handbook.


 Method: Ani Nishba  (I swear),  beshaim  Ad---- (in the name of G-d) that until _______ [Fill in the end date we decided above]

 If I have a fall, which is  defined by one of the following things: Either 
(a) I intentionally  motzi zera livatala  (masturbate) while fully awake
 or (b) I intentionally obtain in any way adult sexual material of any sort, digital or printed (including magazines, DVDs, etc.) 
or (c) I intentionally go to any websites  or web pages, pictures, videos, chats or forums, for the purpose of viewing adult sexual content (including any type of adult oriented images, drawings, videos, audio, or erotic reading material) and I actually viewed or listened to inappropriate content (for more than 5 seconds) 
or (d) if I initiate contact with - or respond positively to - any woman other than my wife for a sexually related purpose (including by e-mail, chat, webcams, etc.) 
or (e) if I partake of any illicit sexually  oriented services of any kind (including calls to adult phone lines, massages) 

Then, if ________________________ [Fill in Distraction 1 that we decided above] Or/And ________________________  [Fill in Distraction 2 that we decided above. This is optional] Or/And ________________________  [Fill in Distraction 3 that we decided above. This is optional] within the 90 minutes proceeding my fall, 

then within the next 36 hours  (or other time frame)  I will ________________________ [Fill in 'Normal Knas' that we decided above]. for each day  (or 3 hour period)  in which I fall.

 If I did not do any  (or all)  of these things in the 90 minutes proceeding my fall, then within the next 36 hours  (or other time frame)  I will ________________________ [Fill in 'Heavy Knas' that we decided above]. 

Some disclaimers to say  immediately  after making the  shvuah (Toch Kidai Dibur) :
 If I had to do  [‘Normal Knas']  more than 3 times, the shvuah should no longer be binding on me. 
If I had to do  [‘Heavy Knas']  even once, the shvuah should no longer be binding on me.
 If I had a fall without remembering that I made this shvuah, I will only do [‘Normal Knas'].
 If I am honestly not sure that  I had a fall, I will not have any  KNAS.

And I added : If I had to do a  Knas, so within the next 24 hours I will tell to my wife about my fall.​

Thanks for that.

I'm even more confused.

cordnoy wrote on 24 Apr 2017 02:26:

So am I !
I didn't have a situation like this before, with a huge "STOP !!!" in the middle of the process...

And I don't have a Rabbi to talk about this especially.

It's now 4:30 AM in France, and I am going to have a no sleep night... It was a long time since the last occur. 
Grrr

David26fr wrote on 24 Apr 2017 02:39:

Well, don't make a vow without understandin'.

II have a right to be confused, as I don't understand it. You made the vow. You need to understand it beforehand.

Sorry, I misspoke.

The vow is clear for me.
But I am now in the "grey zone"

Personnaly, after a time of thinking, I think that for my vow, a fall when masturbating is when there is zera levatala.j
Perhaps GYE did this to let the possibility to stop and save before it's too late, in case of a sudden rush.
But seeing a porn picture is a direct fall, and I think it's not necessary to explain why... 

So, after asking some experts, this condition in the GYE taphsic is broken when there is zera levatala.
But I will need to modify this sentence in the Taphsic, and make it more clear : zera levatala or simple masturbation, but not the two.

Even if this wasn't a fall after all, and it wasn't needed for my Taphsic, I talked about this night with my wife to stay honest and open with her, like she asked me to be when she discovered my addiction.

She explained me that for her, after all, it wasn't a fall but a victory, because I managed to stop before it was too late

David26fr wrote on 24 Apr 2017 15:18:

You can modify your Taphsic or click "report to modifier" in case you want to try something else ;-)