I still don't have a "willingness" to surrender nor do I fully believe I am powerless even though it may seem so.

waydown wrote on 05 Oct 2016 02:31:

But perhaps you sometimes want to have that willingness, or perhaps you wish you would want to have that willingness, or maybe you would like to wish you wanted to have that willingness, etc. etc. 

I have a mesorah that up to 10 levels is also considered to be a "willingness".

eslaasos wrote on 05 Oct 2016 02:34:

I have asked God for the willingness to be willing, (and so on and so forth), on many an occasion. 

OMG!! Just obsessing about whether I have the willingness would probably make me act-out. 

Is powerlessness a state of mind, or is it something you work to achieve??

Is willingness a state of mind, or is it something you work to achieve??

Yesh Tikva wrote on 05 Oct 2016 08:11:

No one said anything about being obsessive. For me, powerlessness is a fact and willingness is an attitude. By doing my 1st step I can see the extent of my powerlessness. In terms of willingness, sometimes I need to try to maintain the attitude and sometimes it's just there. 

I was just thinking about the above and I was actually half-joking. You or whoever should do whatever works for you. 

For me, sometimes the issue of whether I have willingness or whether I am powerless etc really can backfire. 

May HaShem be with us.

Yesh Tikva wrote on 05 Oct 2016 09:52:

How so? 

I davened to hashem this rosh hashana that; just like during shofer, I had no desire for lust because it was just not the time and place (I did have a desire after davening unfortunately) so to hashem should make it that I have that feeling all year.

waydown wrote on 05 Oct 2016 19:33:

Connection with God is my primary source of recovery. Good work.

waydown wrote on 05 Oct 2016 02:31:


My 2c - don't worry about it. Either you'll be able to stop entirely by yourself, in which case you're not powerless at all and not an addict, or, if you're anything like me, the willingness will come as you get kicked around more and more by the addiction.

Either way something's gonna happen sooner or later.

So keep on trying whatever you feel will work. If you're really honest with yourself, you'll figure out soon enough if you're taka powerless.

Re "Either way something's gonna happen sooner or later."
That's what scares me. I am worried that by the time I figure it out or gain the willpower that something that's "gonna happen" aint gonna be pretty.

I hear you. Sex addiction (if that's what you have) is not pretty.

I've seen a lot of people coming into SA and so far no one has said "things were going so well in my life and I thought SA could make it even better." No, people come in kicking and screaming, out of sheer desperation. With that as the beginning, things can get better. But we needed to hit bottom first. We needed that desperation. (Again, not saying you need SA, the same would probably apply to other groups, therapy etc).

Hitting bottom doesn't necessarily mean something really bad has happened. It means running out of other options. That's the only reason I joined SA, I'd tried everything else I could think of and nothing worked. If you think you have other options, try them and see how it goes. If you're honest with yourself you'll figure out what you need to do.

Watson wrote on 06 Oct 2016 19:03:

Yeah, I joined because I ran out of options and because another member was very influential in telling me how SA changed his life. 

Ok I know I will sound like a broken tape recorder. But I need to write.

Once again I am back. I tried to meet a frum women in person (just to meet not a total affair.) Our connection was only over a short time span ( day or 2). We did chat on the phone. But today she dumped me and I am not even sure why. Here are my feelings straight off the press.

1) As many people have, she respected my upstanding values and was wondering why I was there.
2) Prior to the dump like over the past day or so I was like excited and very very nervous to the point of butterflies in my stomach. Like extremely uncomfortable and not a good feeling but still dying for it. And I did not sleep well last night.
3)  Now after the dump I am a bit saddened about being rejected but I kind of have a serine feeling. Like now I have nothing to hide and I am not doing any wrongs.
4) Why do I only resort to GYE when it flops for me?? Like I only realize the wrong when I get dumped? is that normal?

Overall I am right now just an emotional wreck with so many feelings hitting me at once. But I hope I can finally give my full attention to my wife.

My bottom was porning on u-tubing

It seems your bottom is waydown

Deeper than you know?

Or do you have any idea what your bottom looks like. Or maybe there isn't? Who knows