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why should I stop

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TOPIC: why should I stop 1289 Views

why should I stop 10 Aug 2016 15:39 #293637

benyakov
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I've been thinking and listening. my question is what is the reason to stop doing this shmutz?
I feel the drive to stop needs to be because this shmutz is killing me ruining my marriage, integrity, morals, everything that's important to me.
my wife was telling me. why can't the drive be
because it's low and disgusting.
I told her but that's where I'm at. I enjoy low disgusting things. I can't stop because of such a reason.
I also think I can't stop because hashem said it's wrong. that never stopped me in the past.
am I on the correct path of thinking?

Re: why should I stop 10 Aug 2016 17:09 #293643

serenity
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Yes, correct.

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
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--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: why should I stop 10 Aug 2016 19:33 #293650

360gye Current streak: 760 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 237 Karma: 13	you are absolutley correct that the reason to stop has to be because the smutz is ruining your life, marriage, integrity, etc. I think if you are hones twith yourself you will find that the shmutz is in fact ruining your life, marriage, etc. If you need any help feel free to email me(360gye@gmail.com) Good luck on your journey

Re: why should I stop 10 Aug 2016 19:38 #293651

benyakov Current streak: 243 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 22 Karma: 0	does that mean I really don't have any yiras shomayim? after all I when I acted out I didn't care. in order to stop I'm not doing it for hashem. yet the only way I will succeed is with the help of hashem.

Re: why should I stop 10 Aug 2016 19:57 #293652

Markz NOW ONLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8203 Karma: 426	Is yiras shamayim the reason you don't jump off the George Washington bridge?
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Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 12:41 #293675

serenity
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No it doesn't mean that.

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 14:10 #293678

dovb Current streak: 359 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 9 Karma: 0	There is a great series on the YU Torah app (A great app by the way, it can keep you busy with interesting topics and stay away from Schmutz.) from Rabbi Moshe Weinberger called Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik. There he pretty much tells you what's the purpose of stopping. Hatzlacha.

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 16:34 #293689

KidusHashem
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For me, lust (or "shmutz") is a disease based on selfish attitudes and outlooks. The world revolves around me, myself and I. At times when I was driven to some degree of introspection and I felt bad about my life situation, I would attempt to convince myself that I should stop because this behavior was "immoral" and lowly. That usually helped for about 5 minutes.
One of the "paradoxes" of my recovery from selfishness, is that it was driven by selfishness.
It couldn't have happened any other way, because I was selfish, through and through! As sad as this sounds, I could not muster enough "Yiras Shamayim", love, or any other altruistic motivator to help me stop. I stopped because I had suffered enough pain and I wanted out. So I got help and things started to turn around.

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 17:19 #293691

Eyeglasses OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 119 Karma: 2	Reb benyakov Do you want to struggle with these issues when you'll be 30, 40, 50, 60 and so on? I'm sure not. So you better start working on it now, if not you might come back here when you'll be 65 years old crying and yelling.
	Last Edit: 11 Aug 2016 17:22 by Eyeglasses.

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 18:13 #293697

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 134	Markz wrote on 10 Aug 2016 19:57: Is yiras shamayim the reason you don't jump off the George Washington bridge? I don't know if you got that from somewhere, but that is the QUOTE OF THE YEAR!
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 18:18 #293698

benyakov
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thanks everyone for responding and yes I am working on this because it's killing me.
what I think about the yiras shomayim, is that
the reasons I was not michalel shabbos ch"v,
or eat trief. is because of an imaginary yiras shomayim.
the Hashem that I call out to now every day when I wake up and say: Hashem I'm sick help me that I shouldn't lust. that's the real Hashem who's with me and loves me and waching me.
it's that Hashem that I need to bring into all my actions.

Re: why should I stop 11 Aug 2016 19:29 #293707

doingtshuva
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"מתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה".

* NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!
* I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.
* Being curios made me lust and get into trouble.
אָמַר רבי יוחנן: אֵבֶר קָטָן יֵשׁ לוֹ לָאָדָם, מַרְעִיבוֹ = שָׂבֵעַ, מַשְׂבִּיעוֹ = רָעֵב

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Re: why should I stop 16 Aug 2016 17:08 #293934

benyakov Current streak: 243 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 22 Karma: 0	KH is it possible to turn it around? to say hashem help me first, and then think this lust is going to kill me.