Dov mentioned this quote on his call today. "The Devil is in the details." We see people posting all the time stuff like "I keep falling", "I need help", "fell again", "I acted out again", "I told my Rebbi and it didn't help", etc.  The question is what did you do? What did you tell your Rebbi? I'm not suggestion what to or not to write in this forum. What I am suggesting is that it will probably be hard to get any help if the person you are seeking help from doesn't know what the problem is. All the more so if you yourself don't know what the problem is. There is a huge difference between coming across or even seeking out explicit materials and then masturbating to them one time and taking a drive in your car and publicly masturbating. Or between not having had relations with your wife and then resorting to porn and self stimulation than to just having had relations with your wife and then still turning to porn. Or things like spending excessive amounts of time, or  having peculiar things that turn you on. Maybe you can only get off with weird stuff.  Maybe your losing  time from work or using a work computer for porn. If you can't or won't say to your Rav, therapist, sponsor what the behavior really is, then I'm not sure how you think they can help you. If you say to that person "I have a masturbation problem" it means nothing. If you say I spend 3 hours watching porn in the dark of my basement every night so my wife won't find out and I can't function during the day because of it and I specifically can only get off on a certain kid of porn and I do this even after having relations with my wife, it has a whole other meaning. Or if you say I'm a Rav who preaches modesty to my congregation while I myself am leading a double life and drive around looking at women, it's another meaning. On the other hand maybe your problem isn't quite as serious as all that and you should just start learning some more Torah, spend some more time with your wife and kids and go for a jog or something and stop wasting time obsessing over this.

Hatzlacha. 

serenity wrote on 07 Aug 2016 18:52:

I have a conversation with my Rebbi scheduled for Wednesday, so this was a timely post for me.

Well said.

Thanks Serenity

Birshusi, well said
Let us know how it goes!!

Markz wrote on 07 Aug 2016 23:34:

I'll probably post a full play-by-play afterwards, assuming it goes well.

In response to Serenity, I agree that if you don't explain the problem to your Rav, therapist, etc. it's not going to help, As you are all long-time members on GYE correct me if i'm wrong in saying that the point of this website, to a certain extent, is for people to open up to other people whom they don't know, and allow chizuk to be given in a confidential forum. I think that is a better way to get chizuk and even rebuke, from people who don't know you, than from your rav who you have a strong relationship with

360gye wrote on 08 Aug 2016 19:35:

Do you not think it should be the other way round?

Apply the same concept to any other area in life and what would most people say:

Is it better to get medical advice from a doctor who knows your medical history, or an anonymous forum?
Is it better to get career advice from a mentor who knows you, or an anonymous forum?
Is it better to get business advice from a consultant who knows your business, or an anonymous forum?

Of course the the Rav must be competent with experience, but otherwise surely going to a real person is better than chatting with a computer screen? Scarier, sure, but better, no?

Then can you please explain to me Watson what is the point of this website?

The point is that you're here

There is a tremendous amount to be gained from GYE.

I was only responding to what you said. You said it was better than speaking to a Rav in person. I don't see why it's different from speaking to a lawyer, accountant, mechanic, doctor or anyone else in person, which I'm sure most people would agree is better than only going online for advice.

360gye wrote on 08 Aug 2016 21:04:

Sorry for mixing in,
In my eyes GYE is a huge source of support + information for those seeking to break free.
many guys have learnt from gye to take the next step, 
without gye they would never know to where to turn , and would never get the push to do so.

I really relate to what Dov said. For me, GYE was a big step in the right direction. But I have been pretty honest about how things are going. I think that the biggest killer of growth is dishonesty. It doesn't mean we have to bare all, and I specifically don't, but if someone is still not recovering they might want to do an honest inventory of themselves and see if they are being honest in their everyday lives. 

360gye, Thank you for sharing and discussing your thoughts. My experience is that I have to do what works for me and that may or may not work for others. If something works for me it helps me to share that with others and it may just work for them as well. I'm not going to tell someone how they should get help or pretend to know what will work for them, especially when I know almost nothing about the person. I'm also not going to try and explain the purpose of this site, when I have nothing to do with it's administration, formation, conceptualization, structure or policy. I didn't intend to suggest that seeing a therapist, Rav, sponsor etc. would be any more or less beneficial that utilizing the tools of this site (which tools, I believe, do include suggestions to see someone in person under certain circumstances). I merely suggested that should you happen to be talking to someone about your issues you may find it beneficial to actually  disclose the problem to them in detail. So if sharing here is working better for a person than sharing in person with someone, then more power to them! 

What I will say is that it has been my experience and the experience of many others that dishonesty in the form of hiding is been a large part of our problem. Many of have found that we need to shed light on our behaviors (on a safe manner) in order to recover. What some have also suggested is that using a screen name or fake name in an anonymous forum is feeding into our disease and not helping it (unless it becomes a first step to getting out onto the light.). I'm sure there are many others who have had a different experience.