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Addicted and about to get engaged..

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 1244 Views

Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 07:06 #277999

Seekerofpeace
Current streak: 215 days
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Hi guys,

This is my question:

I'm struggling for air in my battle with porn and masturbation. I'm trying so many different things yet progress is extremely slow. Bh next week I'm joining a 12 step phone conference here on GYE.

To make matters complicated, it seems that after about 5 years in shidduchim I'm about to get engaged.. And I'm still struggling with an addiction that's killed countless relationships. I'm absolutely terrified of the possible damage this could do...

And the question of questions: do I tell her anything? Part of it? Nothing at all? We're not even married or even engaged yet! She'd probably throw me out the nearest window.. I'm feeling really, really horrible and confused about my situation.

Thanks to anyone who's gone through something like this and can offer some insight as to how to deal with it.

Hatzlacha to us all.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 11:51 #278023

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Welcome! Phone conference is great idea Can you explain what you mean "killed countless relationships" - I didn't understand that one IMHO ask a LOR or Mashgiach, for their advice - if they are judgemental (they're in the wrong if they do), just KEEP ON TRUCKING - find a different person you're close with to talk to Hatzlacha and Mazel Tov!
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 02:10 by Markz.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 12:10 #278027

Seekerofpeace
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Thanks for the advice!

Yes, you're probably right that I should be asking for qualified advice from a rav, not secretly on an online forum..

In any case, "killed countless relationships" means precisely that.. Addiction to pornography has recked countless marriages. I've witnessed one such case personally, but it's unfortunately not an isolated occurrence.

Telling a rabbi isn't the same as telling a potential spouse.. I mean, he's not deciding if he's going to commit himself to a lifelong relationship with me. The girl in question is, which is what makes divulging it to her infinitely more complicated.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 12:40 #278029

cordnoy
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Welcome,

There is serious change goin' on in your life now.
Go to the person you are close to. He will lead you in the right direction.

B'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

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MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Last Edit: 16 Feb 2016 12:40 by cordnoy.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 15:14 #278047

bigmoish
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Welcome.
Seekerofpeace wrote on Unknown:

Why next week?
Check out the quote in my signature.
The one about today.

Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 16:30 #278059

mr.clean Current streak: 5 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 177 Karma: 10	Definitely seek the Advice of a rov (I would suggest one that knows u or has experience in dealing with relationships). We can give chizuk on the forum but i can't imagine u want life advice from anonymous people
	A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 16 Feb 2016 17:20 #278071

Sasha 2 Current streak: 19 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 199 Karma: 10	Welcome! You came to the right place, i am also struggling with these issues as are many people here, I am not married yet but i feel with the tools of GYE im moving in the right direction & i wont feel guilty getting married. All i can say is that working on recovery makes you feel so much better even before you overcome it! Hatzlocha to you!
	Feel free to email me anytime sanonym380380@gmail.com

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 17 Feb 2016 11:43 #278178

Seekerofpeace Current streak: 215 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 3 Karma: 0	Yes you're right of course. I would never base critical life decisions on the advice of anonymous people. Just fishing for perspective I guess.

Re: Addicted and about to get engaged.. 17 Feb 2016 22:50 #278261

GuideMe OFFLINE Junior Boarder GYE & SA member Posts: 38 Karma: 1	Wow. tough decision. Good luck b'hatzlachah
	English is not my native language (Hebrew is) Sorry if there are any mistakes. keep in touch!