I am heading for disaster !

Its been a very long time since I logged into this Forum as the passed year plus has been a completely smooth drive. SUDDENLY !!!! out of the blue, after two years of healthy, happy and good marrige, I am falling !!! And falling QUICK and HARD ! I need someone to stop and save me, as I myself wont manage ! I know the consequences will/can be devastating on so many levels, but im not thinking with my head ! Danger has officially knocked on my door step, and im on my way to open the door !

Feel your pain Chaver

help613 wrote:

What has your marriage to do with anything?
Or are you worried about your marriage???

We have a new sign going up - I just haven't had the time yet to print it but it says something to the effect of
"Send your DANGER to the gye toilet bowl"

The cleaning lady that writes Cornography will be over soon to explain everything...

Can you hold on till then?

help613 wrote:


Dear Chaver, I'm sorry to say, although I don't know at all your history and past struggles, there is NO sudden appearance, what have you been doing the past 2 years, have you been lusting away (even for your wife) have you been working on shmiras enaiyim, or have you been watching everything and anything, you are due to do mathematics and realize where you went wrong and try combat from within.
Reaching out is the ideal thing to do, however you will only succeed if YOU want to and are ready for any price. Much hatzlacha keep strong don't give up.

I have been living a happy and kosher life for the passed two years, no lusting, marrige !

can you tell us more? It's hard to tell what is going on from what you wrote.

Ill try do it in as short as possible.

Was very naughty yeshiva bochur, acted out in many different ways even certain Horeg v'al yavor.
Got married, been happily married for nearly two years with 0 acting out.
Have the best wife anyone could wish for, beautiful baby, had to travel for business so left my wife for the first time since our marriage, with in one week of being away, been confronted with three separate tremendous nisyones again some of them "arayes"...

I know only bad will come from it, but still acted out...

The following is not for the faint hearted regular porn viewer - you were warned

Guys please please do not put me down

If I was in my good friend help613's crocs this is exactly what I would do for myself

Take a pen and paper and
Write

1- The most extreme sexy affair my mind can conjure, which l will plan to do tomorrow afternoon or evening. With whom, where... How much it will cost me. How I will cover it up...

2- What I plan to do to regain control of my sexaholicsm in 2 days time. Eg which "Solutions" found in my signature will I promise to begin when I return from overseas

I would share part 2 today, with the guys on the forum.
They may approve some solutions, and shoot down some others.

Who cares? They're not Mom. Each man can say what he wants and I'll take it how I like.
Some pros like Belmont, Gibbor etc prob do have more to say on the topic than my Mom

I don't understand mark's advice, especially point number 2. Start working in 2 days time! Till then a free pass! Does it have to be one of your signature solutions also? Why not learn tools today. I personally don't give a darn abt tomorrow, i might be dead! I want to be sober today!

I will say that part of the first option may be useful. Harvey from SA says that we only remember the good parts about lusting, not the bad parts. So maybe write exactly what you want to do with all the consequences, for example the guilt that will be eating at you especially if your wife doesn't find out, the mistrust you are creating by doing this, the fact that your wife could find out and life as you know it may be changed forever etc.

Also you say you have been confronted with different nisyonos, what does that mean? For me I have never had the luck of someone just jumping in my arms and having sex with me, I usually had to take action by myself to achieve some sexual pleasure.

Shlomo24 wrote:


That's not what I meant

markz wrote:


I know. (Hence the bold above).

Perush Hashi on markz

I would not give the advice markz gives because I'm not CLEVER enough and I wouldn't rely on myself, but markz is a brain surgeon and his words deserve respect.

I think he is going along the lines of
ילבש שחורים.... ויעשה מה שלבו חפץ
and the assumption is that at the end he wont do it. He had the comfort of thinking he'll do it, so was able to freely consider the ramifications With whom, where... How much it will cost me. How I will cover it up...

While at the same time he can also freely and without the feeling that these thoughts are taking away his fun, think about the recovery.

The assumption of Dr. Markz is that he wont do it.

Markz, did I learn correct pshat?

help613 wrote:


I was mentally putting down money you were married for 2 years. How did I guess? Because it's quite common, unless you are terminally addicted as some here claim to be.

Many guys think that being single is what makes it so difficult to fight lust, and to an extent there is some validity to that. If they are zoche to marry a good girl who is normal and healthy they can indeed be sexually satisfied in the beginning of marriage and have a much easier time overcoming any extra-curricular urges. But the YH didn't decide to surrender the war out of the goodness of his black heart. He's just biding his time until he can catch you off guard and if you're at all susceptible to yiush, then he'll have a field trip with the consequences of the terrible guilt feelings that the previously faithful new husband will be deluged with.

I have heard this pattern from quite a few people. Lust, escapism, whatever the issue is, it doesn't go away just because you got married, but it can be easier to deal with if you're willing to fight hard, and fight smart.
Ashrecha that you found GYE so early and you don't have to be part of the club of zaides who talk about finding GYE after 30 years of acting out (no offense to the zaides here).
Check out the site, post and read the forums; there are some real gems here for the picking.

Maybe I'm assuming too much, if I did I apologize, but your story sounded very familiar.

Hatzlacha!

My advice - find a Rav with experience in these issues and tell him everything.

eslaasos wrote:


zaides?


Elter zaides!
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