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how do I start all over

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TOPIC: how do I start all over 1136 Views

how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 19:14 #268318

jake08
Current streak: 1222 days
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Hi my name is Yisrael. I was addicted to shmutz from about age 10 or 11. I only realised it was an addiction when I found GYE about Pesach last year. until then I couldn't go without a fix for sometimes even more then just a few hours(especially in later stages). B'h it never involved anyone else but that was only because HKB'H kept me away from that possibility. After I found GYE I went through the handbook alone and used some of the mental conditioning ideas there to try to break free. It worked for a little over 200 days. I stopped reading the handbook a while ago though and thought I could keep it up indefinitely.

I fell, hard, yesterday. The worst part is I knew it was coming for weeks and like the fool I was for so many years, ignored the dive I was in hoping I would get out of it alone. Since Sukkas something seemed to shut down in me that I wasnt able to daven or learn seriously or do more then just go through the motions. And then I found myself in front of an unfiltered computer...
I have no idea how to start over from all the way at the beginning. I dont think the same simple route is sufficient again. I should prob work the big book with someone. I am in BMG and wondering if its possible to find someone who is successful with this addiction in a similar background who can help ( I dont know my way around the GYE tools well enough to find out , I would really appreciate some help with this).
Need a lot of chizuk from out there to keep up the fight ( and some ideas too)!

Re: how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 19:23 #268321

mesayin
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Welcome Yisrael.

you came to the right place and that is a moiridigeh step in the right direction.

There are plenty of people here that are ready to help, with all the gavra and cheftza they can offer.

Chazak V'emutz

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Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

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Last Edit: 10 Nov 2015 19:23 by mesayin.

Re: how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 19:27 #268324

bigmoish
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Welcome Yisrael.
Perhaps check out the FAQ's. Link is in my signature.

Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 21:07 #268333

lomed
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Posts: 307
Karma: 47

Welcome,

I feel your pain. I feel that You are lost from falling after 200 clean days. So perhaps these 200 days are with you already. You have proved yourself that you can keep a long streak. That is great news. You also proved yourself that acting out is not an option anymore. that is great as well. The million dollar question is: How do i move forward?????????

That is a good question.

So we need to get more intense. Say you wont consider for now live SA meetings (which many claim that is the ONLY way to get into recovery). but i am sure you can find many way howto get chizuk to keep yourself sober. maybe you need to reread the handbook, and find some tips. maybe you need to be more active on this forum, and connect with others here (which for me has helped a lot). We need to get it straight, WE WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET US SOBER AND INTO RECOVERY, period.

I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 22:25 #268342

yiraishamaim
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Posts: 1031
Karma: 101

jake08 wrote:

Hi my name is Yisrael. I was addicted to shmutz from about age 10 or 11. I only realised it was an addiction when I found GYE about Pesach last year. until then I couldn't go without a fix for sometimes even more then just a few hours(especially in later stages).

It worked for a little over 200 days. I stopped reading the handbook a while ago though and thought I could keep it up indefinitely.

I fell, hard, yesterday. The worst part is I knew it was coming for weeks and like the fool I was for so many years, ignored the dive I was in hoping I would get out of it alone. Since Sukkas something seemed to shut down in me that I wasnt able to daven or learn seriously or do more then just go through the motions. And then I found myself in front of an unfiltered computer...

I have no idea how to start over from all the way at the beginning.
Need a lot of chizuk from out there to keep up the fight ( and some ideas too)!

If you were so deep into the shmutz you couldn't go fix free for more "than just a few hours" and you found a way to be over 200 days clean, then you will find a way for phase 2 as well. Be it similar or different in approach
while you've learned you must be cautious, you have also EARNED the sense that you are worthy of the siyata dishmaya to succeed.

Hatzlocho Rabo!

Re: how do I start all over 10 Nov 2015 22:57 #268343

skeptical OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 1118 Karma: 78	Welcome! It's not starting over, it's continuing. This isn't Chutes and Ladders - you don't end up back where you started. If reading the handbook was working for you, and then after you stopped, you fell, it seems obvious to me to continue reading the handbook. Hatzlacha!
	Welcome, New Members! \| Frequently Asked Questions

Re: how do I start all over 11 Nov 2015 00:07 #268347

serenity
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"ONE DAY AT A TIME"
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Some people have found the phone conferences to be helpful. Also getting numbers and having a network of people to call every day has helped many of us.

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: how do I start all over 11 Nov 2015 03:50 #268363

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8228 Karma: 426	jake wrote: I dont know my way around the GYE tools well enough to find out , I would really appreciate some help with this Jake in the drop down there's "The GuardYourEyes Program in a Nutshell" which I promote via my signature. Check it out it may help you my Chaver Keep Shteiging and remember you're a heilige Yid, with a lust challenge we share, which will be overcome!!!
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 11 Nov 2015 03:51 by Markz.

Re: how do I start all over 11 Nov 2015 14:27 #268397

jake08 Current streak: 1222 days OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 46 Karma: 2	thanks for all the replies. The one issue I have is that my internet access is very limited even for GYE( no computer in my house so I have to use a relative's in the short time I can type without someone peeking over my shoulder). Someone mentioned getting numbers and having people to call. I assume he meant people in recovery. How do I go ahead and get such numbers? Do people call blind?

Re: how do I start all over 11 Nov 2015 14:58 #268401

bigmoish
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Welcome kv18!
Care to tell us about yourself?
We don't charge extra.

Re: how do I start all over 11 Nov 2015 14:59 #268402

bigmoish
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jake08 wrote:

thanks for all the replies. The one issue I have is that my internet access is very limited even for GYE( no computer in my house so I have to use a relative's in the short time I can type without someone peeking over my shoulder). Someone mentioned getting numbers and having people to call. I assume he meant people in recovery. How do I go ahead and get such numbers? Do people call blind?

Perhaps try a phone conference.
I highly recommend Avrohom's 1:20 EST call for beginners.