I'm very serious with my question, because I have spoken with some people that believe or tend to believe that they in their situation are permitted to act out.? (Or wont get punished for acting out)

I alone have spoken with an older Bucher who told me that he has a Heter from a Ruv (I wonder who) to ma....... witch is hard for me to believe.
So Tachlis does an excuse for acting out exist?
No matter if your single, divorced, imprisoned, poor, sick, (addicted) board, separated, abused, pested, you can stiil add on to the list.

I have one plea,
Please take your time to reply with a full answer, in which you also explain why you belive that your answer is the right one.

This thread is completely besides the point. No one is here for a heter. We are all here to stop.

The reason I offered talking over the phone is that when a person makes an issue of...... it feels to me that there is probably another issue here he is not talking about.

Why is he (that's you, but I'm being very nice) worried about it at all? .......why does he fight with it so strongly and demand that people prove it to him first? Does he do the same with all halachos - every single time he hears a rebbi say, for example, that "doing such-and-such on Shabbos is assur mishum borer," does he react this way?

It makes me wonder. Not suspect - just wonder. It's possible that this business is part of something bigger, that's all. I then feel like saying: "OK. Can we first clarify the context of your question by eliminating the fear and shame and being really relaxed, letting our hair down and talking it out with a safe, caring person who really understands?"

It's impossible to do that on the forum.

Though I love the forum for starting the recovery process by starting people with opening up, I do not believe a virtual forum is a truly honest way of communicating about anything important. the forum is a place where real honesty is based on the admitters being hidden. I like to call it (a play on Descartes) actually cognito ergo sum! - " I am secret, therefore I am!" Funny? Nah, forget it. See, the fake name you are using together w the fake name the guy who may be answering you is using ultimately make for a slightly fake discussion. If you two would be in the same room together face to face and tried talking the emess, things might go very differently. Either:

1- you'd run out of the room altogether

or

2- you'd say, "Well, if he is not afraid of me, so I need not be afraid of him either!"...so you'd open up about much more truth of what's really going on than you even admitted to yourself and you'd find the real answers you need

or

3- you might see that the fellow giving you all the deep advice about marriage and life was really a newlywed avreich w little to no experience and yet a very great need to dispense advice so that he feels better about himself

or

4- something else.

This is not the end of discussion. I am just trying to open a more honest discussion so that things I appreicate as useful progress can really start.

For me recovery starts with an acceptance that lust cannot be an option any more.

Dr. Watson


So you don't buy into the "One Day At A Time" doctrine?