Hey all
So im celebrating 10 months today but im feeling very lost and down...
I cant get myself to go to shul or daven at all. Im usually a guy that makes 2/3 tfillos a day but I've missed tfillin in ages.
It all started in elul when like every year i started getting into a guilt trip about everything i used to do/how my whole year is decided on RH and i dont deserve anything , so i decided to cancel elul and forget abt it all this and that worked , until YC night when i totally freaked out under pressure like my whole year is gonna be decided now and what do i have to bargain with???

To cut the long story short. I survived YC but I found it so pressurizing that i find it hard to get back into a shul ever since.

Now i keep on feeling empty cos im not davening but i just as much find it hard to daven shachris .

Lost and afraid

Al

Mazel Tov !

Just live life man. Don't look at what Hashem or life has in store for you today, look at what you have in store for it! Focus on your accomplishments and don't dwell in negativity.

Start small but be a steady eddy

You clearly need to feel spiritually accomplished on some level. While it is true that becoming healthy emotionally- that is being sober- takes precedence, that alone won't cut it with you.
Yet at this time you are not ready for giant spiritual leaps.

So what you must do is take one small, even tiny step. However it must be consistent [i]chok v'loh ya'avor

Example: 1 mishnah a day(with an english artscrol)or a kapital tehilim or daily lesson in hilchos lashon harah.

It should be purposely simple and easy. and do it with SIMCHAS HACHAIM - that's essential
It's so easy you will be embarrassed to say no to it and miss a day.

2 weeks straight my friend and then come back and we'll raise the ante - but just a bit.

Are you in?

Yirai

First off I would advise to not freak out about yom kippur. We have no bargaining power with Hashem anyway. Everything we get from Him in this world is really a matnat chinam. So just say thank you.

There used to be a guy here who would stress that if you want to feel closer to G-d you have to act closer to Him. Talk to Him like you would a friend. Tell Him about your day. What your struggles are. What you are proud of. Yell at Him if you feel He is being unfair. But definitely talk and have a conversation with Him out loud. Everyday.

MBJ wrote:


MBJ, I'm not questioning you or your post which I like and wish I was more consistently doing what you suggest. Just wondering about the specifics. Are you allowed to yell at Him?
IMHO, I have seen brought down that we can connect to Him in many ways: servant, son, or the highest level is a marriage-type relationship. If I yell at my wife it's generally counter-productive, and if she yells at me (which may be a better moshol)...let's just say I have to work on my middos.
I guess we are looking to bring Hashem into our day to day lives, but where do we draw the line between Shivisi Hahsem lnegdi tomid and respect.

Is that a situation of...

Al Tisyaesh wrote:

AT I wanna ask a personal question, and I don't expect you to reply on this forum - just think about it

Besides for your davenin' etc, how is life in general?
How's your health, marriage, work, friendships...?
Have any of these things changed recently?

I see in previous posts you used to be more positive

eslaasos wrote:


I feel and I think I heard this from a shiur that as humans we have a right to feel wronged by Hashem. I know that the feeling is wrong. But I still may feel it. Since I feel it why can I not express that to my Father. I have to say I don't make it a habbit of yelling at Hashem, but I have. And I always feel a great burden lifted after and I feel closer to Him after. Why can't I show my real emotions to Hashem. Why do I have to pretend to be something I am not. I am certainly not fooling Him, just myself.

I can even tell you the angriest I ever was. It was when I was coming to grips that I am an addict and I do blame Hashem for making me this way. I know for my benefit, but still it makes life hard. So my marriage is crumbling and I let it crumble because my addiction so terribly blinded me to the horrible way I was relating to my wife. I basically yelled that You broke it You fix it. So while I know that I have to do my part, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders realizing that I didn't have to fix it all, I can't, I need Hashem and G-d is always there for me. I took the raw anger and desperation that I felt and used it to get closer to Hashem.

MBJ wrote:


Did He fix it?

I have similar issues. For me I just would rather get some extra sleep and do various other things then daven. Honestly I do enjoy davening, i utilize it 2 connect to my higher power and i usually feel good during and afterwards. i have been focusing on when i DO daven rather then when I DON'T daven and that has helped. I am starting to get the feeling for davening once again. also i read the 3 part essay from dov abt strugglers who's religion slips and that gave me a massive chizuk. another thing that has helped is talking to hashem, even if it's not davening, just talking to him and explaining my situation to him, what i am struggling with, how i would like for him to help me etc. a real heart to heart with hashem always makes me feel better.

Thanks guys tour responses have were just what the doctor ordered. Its always great to see everyones way to deal with issues

yiraishamaim thanks and you're right im commiting to having one conversation with hashem every day

Shlomo24 wrote:


Shlomo could you point me in the direction of that essay?
Thanks
Al

markz wrote:


So its funny cos the rest of my lifes been amazing lately...
Ive never been as close with my family as i am now, Works been great and chavrusas really working out

But I always end up feeling really low if im not davening.
Its like what does everything else matter if im not saying thanks to the one person that gave me everything?
What kind of person does that make me?

Dont get me wrong, Im not running around depressed all day ,,, I enjoy and appreciate the life hashem has given me, the good and the bad, but the issue of not davening has been pressing me for a while and i had to get it out before it got me out

guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/item/our-yiddishkeit-changes-in-recovery

it was in the articles section under dov's header for 12 step articles

Al Tisyaesh wrote:


I'm so glad. May I suggest have a definite minimum that is clear and definite. On those days you want to have a longer conversation, learn etc. go for it! ride the wave of that moment of inspiration. However, that day's actions as wonderful as they are - is not your commitment. Your committed every day to a certain minimum.

A man with a plan

eslaasos wrote:

He is fixing it, except for when I sabotage it. As long as I let Him work it is all good.