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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: I need Help 2738 Views

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 20:43 #258216

cordnoy
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waydown wrote:

Gibbor120,

Thanks your posts have been one of the most encourging so far.

I will perhaps rephrase my question. Where do I start tackling my issues? Do I jump to the core root of my problem and attack my masterbation issues? After all withought that lust I wouldn't do porn and flirt.

Or perhaps thats too tall of a mountain to attack at this point. Perhaps the first thing to attack is its feeders. That is attack watching porn and flirting with ladies. And leave the masterbation problem for last.

I am more inclined to pick the latter. I feel peeling away the problem like peeling an onion slowly one leaf at a time is far smarter than trying to attack to the core and rough stem. Thats kind of why I feel like just leave the masterbation alone for now. Let it be what it is. But peel away on the things that exasperates the masterbation. Once that is under control then I can try tackling the root.

Do I make sense or am I totally misguided?

the latter....misguided.

to clarify.....there are no half measures in this...ever!
you are also overthinkin' to the enth degree.
choose a recovery method (or don't, and look around), and focus on the moment; not on the next 20 years, or the past 20 years.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

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Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Last Edit: 30 Jun 2015 20:57 by cordnoy.

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 20:47 #258217

bigmoish
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waydown wrote:

Gibbor120,

Thanks your posts have been one of the most encourging so far.

Oops.

Sorry, never meant to be confrontational.
Most of us try to attack the root of the problem.
There's no rush to solve this today. It probably won't happen. It took us years to develop these habits. Read some of the literature here and see if anything resonates.

Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:02 #258218

stillgoing
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What I believe cordnoy is saying is that the mushel of the onion may work very well for tree trimming, or demolishan, lust addiction is more like an infection. If you just heal the surface wound, then the infection is going to continue into the bloodstream and damage something else. What was called the root of the problem (ie;masterbation) is connected to the flirting and porn, and the flirting is connected to the masterbating. One without the other is still an infection that will continue to grow. A medical doctor would give anti-biotics to kill off the whole infection at once, otherwise it will just keep coming back.
Keep in touch
SG

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Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

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Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:04 #258219

cordnoy
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stillgoing wrote:

Cordnoy doesn't read meshalim, but read above at my edit before your explanation, which was pretty spot on; nice job SG!

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:13 #258220

waydown OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 670 Karma: 7	Ok Cordnoy so in a nutshell you say attack the root of the probelm. attack my 20 yrs of masterbation. yes I relaize everything must stop. But we all agree that baby steps are a start. So you say start with the root. Ok so now what step 1?

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:14 #258221

gibbor120
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The most important thing to do is to start! You have done that by coming here. No easy feat. There is no "one way", but there are lots of things that we have found not to work. There is a line from the big book that says "half measures availed us nothing".

The big book/white book says that alcoholism/sexaholism is a two part disease.

1 - obsession of the mind
2 - allergy of the body

The obsession of the mind gives us no rest. We are obsessed. Once we take a "sip", the allergy kicks in, and we can't stop.

The problem is that each sip can lead to a binge, so there is just no way to cut back on A, but give in to B.

Many of us have found that we could not "cut back". Now that doesn't mean we can't have mess ups, it just means that sips lead to binges. Inconvenient, but true.

Start with the handbook. Take a look at the "dov quotes" link in my signature. I've got some other goodies there too.

We are really all in this together. Start with something and see how it goes.

There's a lot here. Be patient. You didn't get into this predicament in a day, and you won't get out of it in a day. The goal is "progressive victory over lust".

We look forward to hearing from you. Keep us posted on your progress.

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:17 #258222

cordnoy
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waydown wrote:

Ok Cordnoy so in a nutshell you say attack the root of the probelm. attack my 20 yrs of masterbation. yes I relaize everything must stop. But we all agree that baby steps are a start. So you say start with the root. Ok so now what step 1?

Patience (as Gibbor said); look around, become acclimated with the oilam; read the literature (many are in my signature).

As an old youngster used to say here: Breeeeeaaaaath in and breeeeeeeaaaath out.
repeat.

b'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 21:55 #258232

waydown OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 670 Karma: 7	Just a quote from Christie's speech today appripo to the reason I joined GYE. We must tell each other the truth about the problems we have and difficulties of the solutions we have.But if we tell truth and recognize the hard decisons we must make it will lead to growth for everyone! Just a nice quote whether you agree or disagree with the politics
	Last Edit: 30 Jun 2015 21:55 by waydown.

Re: I need Help 30 Jun 2015 23:29 #258243

yiraishamaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1030 Karma: 101	waydown you are came on this forum, you ask for advice. This shows humility. Your last post displays the determination to follow the emes no matter the effort involved. You definitely have what it takes

Re: I need Help 01 Jul 2015 01:23 #258249

yudi
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אם אמרתי מטה רגלי חסדך ה' יסעדני
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Hi waydown,

I'm the shy type and not the best forum poster around here for sure,

but I wanted to warmly welcome you to the GYE community, and to assure you that you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, by posting on the forum, looking around website, going through the Tools, etc. It's all upside potential for you.

You are experiencing a moment of truth in your life - something we've all had at one point in our lives that enabled us to begin the healing process. You can do it too. We'll help you, and you'll help us. Its a win-win situation!

Thanks for listening, and looking forward to hearing more from you.

Re: I need Help 01 Jul 2015 04:05 #258262

Pidaini OFFLINE Platinum Boarder פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י Posts: 2189 Karma: 107	So there you have it!! It is so nice to see progress so clearly, from feeling a bit misunderstood to joining the crowd, Gevaldig!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KUTGW!! As you wrote, baby steps, but determined baby steps!!
	Yankel \| My Ladder \| Talking to Hashem I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus. Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel "Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov