Ok here is the deal today is my first day signing up and I am not really sure where to start and where to go. I will describe myself a bit. Some of you may be shocked how low one can get. The little I have browsed the forums so far I have not noticed anyone quite as "waydown" as me.

I am a respected bal habays in my mid 30's who is kovei etim and davens with minyanim daily. Here is my struggle. I have been masterbating (zera lvatla) since like 16. I am so addicted that I just can't fall asleep without it. And its often more thn once a day too. It’s part and parcel of my life. Also at times I do look at porn or pornistic forums. As a side note re forums, somehow the yetzer hara tells you it’s only a forum not a real pic of a prusta women so how bad could it be. But trust me it can be worse. But it gets worse. I have also flirted with other women on-line. As of now its still far from BH anything serious. Obviously that could change very quickly anytime.

A couple of more pointers,

My wife knows nothing about it and please don't tell me to get my wife involved or you'll kill me.
Re filters, I use my work computer. I am not permitted and in fact it won't allow you to download filters or monitoring partners. Of course my work has filters to block porn. Byt not all sites are blocked and it doesn't block facebook, instagram, etc.. Once you hook up all you need is e-mails. (In fact it bothers me a bit that rabbonim think filters are solutions. But they never address those of us in corporate america who have no admin rights to download anything)
Another random factor, I sit and stare at a computer an entire day. Plus my job is very stressful at times. For those who say you need to be calm. Try out my job and see for yourself.
I also don't have time for lengthily solutions like say the whole tehlim every day, attend shuirm on these stuff etc..
I don't see a way out of the masterbation thing. I can work on suppressing it for a day or two. (Usually I hold back on rosh hashana) But it comes back. It’s pretty much analogous to the urge to go to the bathroom. My hormones just push this strong urge that I must relieve myself from. Telling me to hold in is basically like saying OK don't use the bathroom today. I have tried seforim, speaking to rabbonim annoymously etc..
Bottom line where do I start first. I would say first is first stop the porn and flirting since I think the masterbation is just unstoppable.

Hello and Welcome to the gye family. No, I don't think anyone here was shocked by you. (unless you want to shock others, then I will say yes, I'm shocked ) Everyone here is dealing with similar issues some less severe and believe it or not some more. It's not any kind of competition of course, I'm just saying that you could (and should) feel free to talk among friends who understand.
First of all, there is always hope. Things may take time, no one got sick in a day and no one gets all better in a day, but there is a wealth of knowledge here and a support system to help those who want to be helped.
Have you checked out the handbook yet. It is very big and packed with helpful things.
The main thing now (I believe, anyway) is to stick around, keep posting, and realize that yes, we can change, no, it wont happen overnight, and yes we can start today!
Keep In Touch
SG

Welcome.
Have you read the GYE handbook? Tried anything else?
Unfortunately, reciting tehillim has helped few of us. (Don't stop saying tehillim, just don't expect it to cure your lust.)
Many of us are/were in similar situations.
Although our goal may be difficult, masturbation is not unstoppable. It just takes time, patience, and the right tools.
Hatzlocha.

Still going, Thanks, so where do I start. I am also a bit lost. There are like ten step stuff. too much for me to follow. Can someone just post step 1?

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become
unmanageable.

BigMoish,

Maybe it worked for you. And you were able to stop it. But for me its the same urge as one has when he needs to go the bathroom. I don't think is so easly stoppable. I have tried on and off for years. Whats more we all have a mitzva to lust for our wife. In my mind that makes the whole thing more challenging

We are way more similar than you can imagine. I have learned more about myself and my sexual urges in the last 11 months than all my previous years.

And, as of yet, as you can see from the number an the left of here, I have a while to go before I can say I "stopped" it. But I know what needs to be done.

Serenity

BigMoish is right, we can stop, but you're right too. you wrote "I don't think is so easily stoppable" Not easy, but do-able. And when we do stop, we can start living our lives the way it's supposed to be lived and experience the freedom of true and real sobriety. There are people on this site that have been entrenched in this stuff for years and are now enjoying b"H years of being clean. It can be done, but again not over night. First read the handbook and brows on other people's threads to see what worked for them. Everyone is different, and no one can tell you that there is only one way. But you yourself may come to that conclusion after having tried so many different things over the years that just didn't go.
I found that before I came to gye, I was just trying harder and harder to stop and it wasn't working. After I came here, I learned that trying is not enough, we need knowledge about how to try. It's like trying really really hard to walk up an icy slide barefoot. of cores it won't work, But when we get the right tools, (spiked shoes) we have a chance.

Ok Moish,
So whats your trick? When you are lying in bed after a tough day and the urge comes at you even stronger than the urge to go the beis hkisa and you just sat near shiktzas (dressed business like but yet it is the summer) a whole day.
And does that come before quitting engaging in bad online content?

Welcome waydown
You are in a great place you took your first step by joining us here.As stillgoing wrote stick around and don't get lost.
Regarding your urges, they should not be compared to going to the bathroom, since going to the bathroom is a physical Urge & Lusting to masturbate is a mental Urge.

Godhelp,
Sorry but I beg to differ. I will try to keep it as tznius as possible. But forgive me if I get blunt. There is an inhernet itch on my lower level of the body that just itche slike crazy and drives me nuts. its not a mental thing. Of course the mind can make it worse but that itch is there whether I am inhernetly thinking about zenus or not. If you want you can compare it to a little child that gets chicken pox. Try telling them don't scratch the pox because it will make it worse. Its just there. Its very physcial. And the morning after you do the mitzva of tashmish its surley a physical itch. I fully disagree and will not reckon with people who say its just a mental thing. Sorry for my bluntness this is just a topic very close to my heart and I feel people must admit what it really is.

waydown wrote:


Welcome,

where is that mitzvah to lust for your wife found?

The books say that it is a sickness of the body and the mind.

Firstly I am almost sure there are sources in yiddishkit for that. Of course love must come before lust. Thats surley one of our yosodos of yiddishkit. In fact any rav will tell you that foreplay is part of the mitzva.
Secondly, leaving out religion from the discussion none of us are physical unemotional straight sticks. It's very difficult to have relations with ones wife without lust.