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With A Sinking Heart
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: With A Sinking Heart 9959 Views

Re: With A Sinking Heart 10 Jun 2014 17:11 #233227

  • Pidaini
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I'll throw the question back to cordnoy....

cordnoy, do YOU disagree with what I am always asking our friends here?
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: With A Sinking Heart 10 Jun 2014 18:41 #233244

  • cordnoy
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As the referee threw me into the corner and said, "fight, or you're done!," I guess I must respond.
Most people on this site, if not all of 'em wanna quit; they put certain shmiros, protections from triggers on and go thru life.
After a fellow falls, I don't envision him at that time (for most people) puttin' all sorts of filters and monitors on his computer, whitelistin' stuff, knockin' down the door of his bedroom, joinin' a meetin' or a conference. Yes, he is down, but decisions at that time will not be lastin'.
It is when it becomes unmanageable and he cries out, "enough," that we say to him, "ok....now what?"

I am not even sure what i'm sayin' though.
there are ultimately many ways.

some might get up right away....others need longer.
Nobody should be pushed into a corner.

b'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: With A Sinking Heart 10 Jun 2014 20:00 #233259

  • shivisi
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So Pidaini-
What Cordnoy is saying is basically that he agrees with you about the importance of having a "plan of action" but you have to know when its the right time to tell someone that.
Sometimes a person needs chizuk after a fall and not immediately a "mussar shmooze" about what he must do.
[I clarified this with Cordnoy himself)

So we now have the pshat in the sugya and the machlokes between the man-diomrim is meyushiv.
Eilu vaeilu....

Hatzlocho Rabbo to Both of you.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 10 Jun 2014 20:06 #233260

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Opinions are never clarified thru this medium, but it's always good to try.

I don't believe Pidiani writes those things as a mussar shmuz; it is more of an inspirin' pep talk.
I'm not even sure people mind it at all.

all i was sayin' was that they might not be ready for a plan when they are still cleanin' up.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 10 Jun 2014 21:09 #233268

  • Pidaini
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Thanks guys!!

Some thoughts:

There are two types of "fell" posts.

One is full of hope "I fell, but I'm trying again, I'm not letting myself get down!!!"

The other is full of hopelessness "I fell, again!! Am I ever going to get out of here?!"

If I remember correctly, for the first guy one can ask right away, "that's a great attitude!!! But what what makes you think this time will be different? You should keep up the attitude, and use it to take some serious action!!"

For the second, the first response has to be "calm down, fell shmell, look at the moment in front of you, there is hope!!" Once he's in a better state of mind, then he can be asked....how are you going to bring the hope into fruition?

does that make any sense? (i'm sick, so i can't judge)
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: With A Sinking Heart 11 Jun 2014 21:59 #233363

  • shomer bro
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We're all sick here, so it's not just you, but I think that what you're saying makes sense to me. Sometimes we fall and feel likes it's all over with no hope, while other times we can simply bounce back up with a plan of action. It's an emotional roller coaster. Also, as someone else mentioned, we're all here to help each other, and be there to support one another. At times it may feel like someone is giving just mussar when all you want is someone to say that they're there for you, don't worry, and that you'll win next time. The unfortunate side of posts, and texting in general, is that it's not really possible to indicate one's tone of voice.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 12 Jun 2014 06:23 #233399

  • bhyy
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I have just set up WebChaver on my devices, I hope this helps. Does anyone know if WebChaver registers GYE?
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: With A Sinking Heart 22 Jun 2014 20:53 #233918

  • maamin4ever
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thank you guys for making such a beautiful forum.
I can't believe how hopeless i have become in dealing with this. its taking a toll on other aspects of my life now also, no energy to take on anything because of the hopeless feelings i have. what makes it worse, is that i have tried before, hard, really hard and again iam back down. twice made it sober for 1.5 years. gone to group sharing, calling... but for some reason i don't relate and doesn't click with me.
i don't know if this helps or not, but at least bezechus of the 3 boys captured, i will try to stay sober, just for today. may hashem help!
if anyone can share any hopeful messages, i would kindly appreciate it.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 22 Jun 2014 21:03 #233919

  • Watson
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Welcome maamin4ever!

We're all in this together, Keep on posting!

Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.

Personally I find it very helpful to have my own journal to share my thoughts and get feedback and advice.

Behatzlocho.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 22 Jun 2014 22:49 #233925

  • cordnoy
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Twice 1.5 years and it doesn't click with you?

sounds like it sure did click!

We all have bad days.

Here, and to you, we can truly say: Get back on da train/truck/boat, whatever your mode of transportation is, and keep workin' one day at a time.

By the way, how'd you manage the 1.5 years?

By the way, what happened on the last day of that streak?

I have similarities, but not for that long.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 22 Jun 2014 23:03 #233928

  • Pidaini
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maamin4ever, what a great name!!

ditto to cordnoy's questions, what kept you for those long streaks?

Whatever the case, it's great to have another friend on board, welcome!!

KOT!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: With A Sinking Heart 22 Jun 2014 23:55 #233930

  • maamin4ever
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thank you guys for your support, welcome and guidance. just to answer cordnoy, what got me going for 1.5 years was in both instances i emotionally really wanted to be clean. it wasn't just a logical decision. and of course, one day at a time, and marking it on the calendar. a sense of pride for the commitment i have taken and that this is a beginning of a new beautiful and exciting future for myself. for me personality, the challenge is motivation.
what got me to lose my time, in both cases was terrible feeling of guilt, for not following da'as torah. 1. lying on a document i had signed. 2. saying no to a good girl i was dating. few weeks later, after these things started eating me so much, boom.
thanks again guys

so far iam grateful to hashem for 2.5h of being clean. va' ani be'chasdecha ba'tachti yagel libi bi'shuasecha.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 23 Jun 2014 01:38 #233940

  • cordnoy
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Perhaps then tell the oilam what you were strugglin' with.
It is kinda strange to hear about an addict (perhaps you're not) that he can manage for 3 years with an emotional want to be clean and a logical decision.
Perhaps you are different.
Was that stress that triggered you back to earth?

Thanks

And btw, for honesty purposes, I am askin' for myself as well as for you and others.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: With A Sinking Heart 23 Jun 2014 05:35 #233950

  • shomer bro
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What I found truly inspiring was how you made mention that you are so far 2.5 hours clean. This really helps drive forward the lesson that our battles are day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute. Hashem will one day judge us based on each moment of our lives. Thanks for being so open and saying it!

Re: With A Sinking Heart 23 Jun 2014 09:56 #233962

  • maamin4ever
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cordnoy,
to answer your question, it is shichvas zera and shmutz online. (not porn anymore, but as close as i could get)
truth be told, no matter how many times i have gone to share groups and read the book, still can't accept that i have an addiction. if so, why would i as you said be able to keep almost 3 years.
the previous stress are gone, but i lost my drive and motivation to pick up again. for what to drop down again in 1.5 years?
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