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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Tryin' 229966 Views

Re: tryin 22 Feb 2018 21:01 #327313

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cordnoy wrote on 22 Feb 2018 19:15:
So you know things are bad when you're sittin' in waitin' room of therapist after a year long hiatus, and your phone beeps with message from therapist: I'm sorry but I was on my lunch break and on returnin' now, I got rearended and we will need to reschedule.

After the rearend, the therapist may cv have PTSD and need their own shrink. 
I can recommend 1









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Re: tryin 06 Mar 2018 23:39 #327838

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In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I try to remain in the background, but I must say a few things (some may be unpopular).

My life (of well over four decades) - I was surrounded by sickness, death, hospitals, disease, pain, therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, jail, anguish, danger, and more, and by this I am includin' parents and grandparents (young ones), spouse, children, siblings, teachers and students, and I am not referrin' to flus, chicken pox and speedin' tickets.

And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'. Mind you, I am a shomer torah umitzvos par excellence. It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. I struggle with good and bad and Hashem's will and evil, but I block that all out, for the most part. 

I made the lousy decisions, and I needed to fix them. I went to therapists and specialists and sponsors and meetings. It was my resolve that I messed up and I need to climb outta it. Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.

But if I choose to think too much, I could get very angry, so therefore, I don't.

Recovery is too precious. I am finally livin' a life, although there is so much pain around me. The pain stinks and sucks, but I need to live, and that is only thru sobriety.

God speed to all.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 09 Mar 2018 11:37 by the.guard. Reason: 2 complaints

Re: tryin 07 Mar 2018 01:44 #327851

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cordnoy wrote on 06 Mar 2018 23:39:
In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:



And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'.
 It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. 
Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.


Cords - you are a true model for us in so many ways. 
You are sober for significant time under pressure from many sides. You're obviously doing something very right.
I am though a bit confused. Are you an SA guy? A 12 stepper?
If so how do you understand these steps in light of what you wrote
  • Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  • Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Re: tryin 07 Mar 2018 01:56 #327853

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I think HoRav Cord’s point is that we can turn our will and our lives over to God’s care even if we don’t understand Him.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
Last Edit: 07 Mar 2018 01:57 by Gevura Shebyesod.

Re: tryin 07 Mar 2018 02:06 #327855

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I'm sure there is a good explanation, Cord's is a wise man.
I just know that whatever sobriety I have is intimately connected to what I understand those two steps to be. 
He need not respond.

Just wanted to pick his brain - to learn something.

Re: tryin 07 Mar 2018 03:16 #327861

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yiraishamaim wrote on 07 Mar 2018 01:44:

cordnoy wrote on 06 Mar 2018 23:39:
In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:



And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'.
 It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. 
Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.



Cords - you are a true model for us in so many ways. 
You are sober for significant time under pressure from many sides. You're obviously doing something very right.
I am though a bit confused. Are you an SA guy? A 12 stepper?
If so how do you understand these steps in light of what you wrote
  • Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  • Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.


Thank you.

Anyone who has been on my/our step call 8,9,10 times will know that I struggle with step 2. I have always said that I know God could restore us to sanity, but I do not know if He will. And step 3, I don't see a big question. That decision of livin' live accordin' to God's wwillis important. Some do this once and keep goin'. Others do it at every moment. And there are those that can do this only at different intervals. 

I'm between 1 & 3.

In my post above, I wrote that I have no idea if He has helped me or not. I have no idea if He was instrumental in my initial lousy choices. Those who will counter and say, "but Cords, He is involved in everythin'!?" I will agree, but if I think about it, it will make me sick to the stomach.

So it's easier for me to believe in God, know that He could help me, and I try to do things He would approve of.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 08 Mar 2018 00:19 #327906

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And I'd really like to start the call again.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 08 Mar 2018 01:04 #327908

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cordnoy wrote on 08 Mar 2018 00:19:
And I'd really like to start the call again.

So would many here all that is needed is for our dear cords to tell us where when and the # 

IAW (I am waiting)
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!
Last Edit: 08 Mar 2018 04:45 by MayanHamisgaber.

Re: tryin 11 Mar 2018 16:56 #328095

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Reb Meilech says from tzadikim in the past weeks parshah: כי ענן ה' על המשכן - when a person wants to serve Hashem but he cannot because clouds of darkness are hoverin' over him and blocking the light, he should know: that is יומם - those are the days that are truly illuminatin'; however, when he is livin' in a situation of ואש תהיה - everythin' is lit up and he is burnin' with a holy fire, that is לילה, for the primary avodah of mankind is to strengthen himself in the times of darkness and concealment, and this should remain לעיני כל בית ישראל בכל מסעיהם - through one's travels and life tribulations - to strengthen himself when the dark clouds are restin' over him.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 13:08 #328197

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beutiful vort! but why do you keep on ending without a g ,its very irratatin`

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 13:57 #328199

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just sayin` what almost everybodys thinkin`

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 14:03 #328201

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ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 13:57:
just sayin` what almost everybodys thinkin`

only those that did not read this whole thread
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 14:19 #328202

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hey mayan !welcome back! where`ve you been?

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 16:21 #328216

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nowhere just here for a little then will not have access to internet ..
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: tryin 13 Mar 2018 16:55 #328222

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ashrecha!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

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