This is gold.  Thanks cords!

I wrote this elsewhere:


That is why there is a "fear" sheet in the fourth step worksheets. Many times I have written and included "my fear of fallin'," and "my fear of livin' life without my best friend - lust."

If I would be writin' one now (which I probably should), I would include the former but not the latter.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Oct 2017 13:37:

I did a fear sheet this week as part of doing inventory and the steps on my codependence.
It was interesting, because it was all emotional fears that came out directly from my resentment list (which was a lot shorter this time)
And there was one simple thread throughout the whole inventory (fear of failure encompassed the fear of falling) and that was 'self will' being the dominant force behind all of them. As long as I am pushing my agenda and trying to still run the world, those fears all dominate me. Learning how to let go and Let God is a lifetime lesson, but if am truly letting Him run the show then i have nothing to fear.
My sponsor had me do a step 7 on each of the fears which was also very interesting... since they're all character defects by me pushing my agenda of 'my will'

GrowStrong wrote on 29 Oct 2017 05:44:

Am I being out of line- if you are uncomfortable by all means don't say- to ask you to elaborate and share a couple of those fears and show how they are defects by pushing "your will" I would certainly gain from that.

Willpower is not an easy thin'. Recovery is not easy. Takin' steps is not easy. As I've said quite often, lookin' backwards in time, each step I took & am takin' was/is a struggle. I didn't really wanna do it. I still don't (but I should). Every step I took, it was with trepidation; thinkin' how it can be avoided, but my spirallin' life downwards kept propellin' me in the right direction. From social worker friend to long distance therapist, to callin' people, to face to face specialist, to meetin' up with real other people (invitin' a like-minded struggler from across the globe to stay with us for Shabbos, drinkin' coffee with a rosh beis din in a shop off of geulah, cryin' with another by kiddush at a simcha in another country, chappin' a shmues with chassidishe yidden in boropark and williamsburg, high-fives with the litvishe guest in my shul, etc., etc.) and sharin' our secrets, to meetin's (and circlin' around the church buildin' over and over until finally enterin' the parking lot), to work the steps, to sponsors, to openin' up to my real friends, to callin' my rosh yeshiva (which was murder), to openin' up to addiction organizations, etc. This path is not the only way, but it was the one for me. Lots of denial on the way, and I am still in denial, but it is the honesty and raw peelin' of my skin, exposin' it to others that got me here today.

And yes, some of it to my wife as well, but she has chosen the path of denial as well. She is petrified of uncoverin' the past. She'd rather be comfortable in the present (and she asks me from time to time) and a bit curious of the past.

B'hatzlachah to all.

Remember your wife knows enough to know the basic deal and yet chooses to remain Mrs.Cords. 
You are indeed fortunate to have her. 

Hatzlacha in all area of your life and thanks for all that you do.

Yirai

yiraishamaim wrote on 23 Nov 2017 21:02:

Mrs Cords.... If only she would know who Miss Cordnoy was....ouch!

pischoshelmachat wrote on 08 Jul 2013 20:47:

Cord' I know you have asked for the 5 star feature - I'm not sure it's necessary -and how will people find it?

What I do believe should be requested from the Devs is that each Forum category should have threads sorted by amount of "views" per thread, not by "latest". For example when new user goes to "Break free" section, "Tryin'" is supposed to be one of the first
[edit: after I submitted this post the thread got first spot due to the "latest" sort default, otherwise it would be lost somewhere in later pages on the "Break Free" section]

If I see some thankyou's here it means there's an interest and I'll ask the dev ;-)

Markz wrote on 12 Dec 2017 13:38:

People will find it, because it will be on each post. Besides the "thank you's," or, in addition to, there will be a button to click for the amount of stars you give that post. Similar to the "like" feature on Facebook, which I'm sure you know nothin' about.

cordnoy wrote on 12 Dec 2017 14:15:

There will be people clicking "no thank you" and others "thank you" on this reply 

I don't like negativity on gye, so I don't like a 1/2 star idea
How about only offering 3 ratings of
"ok" "awesome" and "inspiring" (it's all theatrics now - nothin in the pipeline)
btw what is facebook - don't make me google it 

Why is a star negativity?

If you don't think the post is worthy of a star, don't give it one, just like now, when someone doesn't click the thank you button.

What I wrote on a different thread:

Shalom,

I haven't been followin' this thread closely and I don't know the particulars. Wishin' everyone hatzlachah and God speed.

I was asked to chime in regardin' addiction and frumkeit. I know both of those pretty well (sadly, one more than the other, at least when 'frumkeit' will be evaluated upstairs). 

Many have said, and it's probably true, that the two are not related. Yes, if someone struggles in these areas, if he/she becomes more frum (which I guess means more gedarim, mussar, shiurim, etc.), can it help? Most definitely. Could frumkeit have prevented some of the past? Also true. But באשר הוא שם, there are those of us who are here despite our levels of frumkeit, and increasin' those levels might not necessarily help. We need doses of self introspection (either thru therapy, mussar, 12 steps, meetin's, etc.). The actin' out is not the problem; it is our (made up) solution to what is really buggin' us inside. That is what needs to be tackled.

And no matter how far we have fallen, it can be done. And let us not forget to reach out to God Above, for He loves us and is always there for us, no matter our history, or even our present, or even our dirty plans for the future. Keep Him close. 

I found that workin' on myself thru the steps was the correct gps road to recovery. Until then, I was only recalculatin'.

​God speed to all!

cordnoy wrote on 25 Jan 2018 09:49:

For me too, it is a personal journey, I have found tips that help here, yet with the Almighty my journey has also bee alone, to find out personally what I needed to adjust, trust in, change in, grow in. I watch a film recently called the The Lost Key, by a Jew, and about Intimacy, it is a eye opener. There is a great  difference seeking to practice secret vice, and seeking to gain true intimacy with ones mate, For me seeking during these last two years to be more intimate with my wife, not just on the physical plane, has help me to know myself better, and my mate, and we are so much more One in the Oneness of our Maker, for me now I can grow in deeper love with her, and as I am finding the better in oneness with my mate, and in join Oneness with the infinite One, we are growing together, and find a deeper union that we had never experienced before in our 13 years of marriage. I looking for more of this in my journey of life, a life of intimacy, with no regrets.

In my lust addiction days (which, by the way, is still there - except - I don't act upon it), I would be connected to myself. it was/is all about me; how can I garner more enjoyment? How can I obtain more pleasure? Where can I go to please myself? What can I do right now to make the Holy Me feel real good? I faenfered myself that I wasn't seekin' to please myself, but due to my childhood and my marriage issues, I was searchin' for friendship and connections and relationships (and I sure accomplished that), but now in recovery - is everythin' all better? No, but I don't need others to resolve my tensions; I don't need the connection to soothe the lack of connection. Yes, if I would find God in a real way, would that help? Yes. The 12-step cult is beneficial for this also, for you find a group and connect to them. GYE does the same thin', for the comradeship is there. But ultimately, for me, it was about learnin' to be comfortable in my own damn skin - as bad and ugly and filthy as it was/is. Can I live with myself knowin' what I did and what i think? The answer was and is yes, providin' that I work recovery steps. Do I wanna remain a self-pleasin', ego maniac, self-centered, jealous, connivin', lyin' prick? Nope. So, I work the steps, and I should do more.

b'hatzlachah and sorry for the rant.

We are here for you to vent to. Continued hatzlocha.