Doc, we are all rooting for you. I have some comments on your post, but will save it for a different form of communication. Let me know.

Israeli: I also thought like you a month or two back, but now I disagree. Looking at women was always part of our problem, and in fact, it might have been the most damaging. the porn and masturbating is the result.

listen for a moment. we always think that the spilling of seed is the result. while in a sense that's true, but that's more like an after effect. The looking at women in the street, drooling and fantasizing is what causes us to look further and watch things and do things that we would normally be disgusted at doing. it is the street that is the core root of the problem.

I have seen in the last several weeks where I have been actively working on this issue, my desires and cravings later have decreased.

Perhaps I am wrong, but that is my thinking at the moment.

[Strange, I just looked at what I wrote and noticed that I ended all my "g"'s: thinking, drooling, looking, masturbating....I wonder why that happened....anybody?]

Gee, dots intrastink!

MT

cordnoy wrote:

Maybe the "g" key was broken on your keyboard and started workin a_ain.

Or maybe we can find the answer in this thread.

i was thinkink of agreeink with what you are writink but then i was realizink that its wronk

that's not *ood enou*h...you *otta esplain why I am wron* (which may very well be; I no expert)....please

thanks

because the words i wrote don't end in g

i can't shake off the memory of that female doctor. I am at once both embarrassed and aroused. How can I make it go away?


I'm trying to go through the steps again pre-yom kippur, specifically the resentments.

So far I understand that a lot of people can use lust, porn, masturbation as they like (as far as i know it's muuttar for goyim) and they can be in control over these things. I am different. I am a sexaholic, lust addict, and if I attempt to use these things I cannot control them, they control me. If I give into lust in any way except to please my wife I am at serious risk of losing control altogether and allowing it to make decisions in my life that are not good for me. I am powerless over it.

In other words porn, masturbation, fantasy, checking out girls on the street are stronger than me and I can't cope with them. what I need is someone who is stronger than them to take care of me, namely Hashem. He is stronger than lust and He can help me make the decisions I want to make in life if only I ask Him to.

That means becoming His eved. I try to do what He wants me to do in all circumstances because if left to my own devices, I will sit at home masturbating all day. So I will try to do what He wants me to do. This includes davening with a minyan, learning every day, being nice to people, not getting angry and working hard at my job during the day. This is far from where I am but I would like to be. So, I'm working towards it, I'm trying to improve. Hashem wants me to do all these things but He knows it takes time to get orientated at work.

So I come to the cheshbon hanefesh. I thought this would be tricky and I was half right. I divided my cheshbon into 2 parts, one was resentment, ie what people had done to me, and one was what I'd done to people. The resentments was easy. It started as a trickle but quickly built to a flow, then a flood as they came flushing out. I don't want to go into all the detailed but it turns out a lot of them had the same themes. 1 - my anger made everything worse, 2 - my ego makes it hard to accept what others told me. I don't mean as a child, that would be unrealistic, but now, as an adult, I can't let go of the resentment because of my ego. Who are they to tell me... So anger and ego, or in reality just ego, that's what's caused a lot of my resentments.

The other part is much harder to do. I'm trying to think of what I did to other people, how it affected them and what caused me to do it, but apart from a lot of isolated incidents, I'm struggling with it. Not because I'm such a tzaddik, but it's hard to remember what I've done wrong to others. Truth is, I've never really thought about it before. I mean on erev y''k you just ask for mechila for everything and you move on, there's no list of al cheits I have to say first. This list will take much more thought.

Machshovo Tova wrote:

Such narishkeiten Zeidy! Are you ok?

Dr.Watson wrote:


Try WOCOM

tehillimzugger wrote:


לדוד בשנותו את טעמו

Stop struggling and let go of her. (in your mind) Put her on a rocket ship to a faraway galaxy where she is eaten by space aliens. Or you can make the rocket ship explode, hit the sun, an asteroid.... Hey, whatever works

Or just jump to the "just make me laugh" section of GYE (it seems to be expanding and taking over all the threads. It's an epidemic ) That'l take your mind off it.

Do something else, go for a jog, a swim, go fishing, do tashlich again, call a friend, arrange your own branch of OINK. (disclaimer: get permission from the original OINKERs first)

Just some ideas .

tehillimzugger wrote:


What's WOCOM?

Gibbor, I'd love to send her off to the moon, but the problem is not with her, it's with me. In my perverted mind, having a good looking girl, any good looking girl in that scenario is very arousing, and I can't send myself off to the moon. I think certain porn images have made this situation something of a fantasy in my head and it's haunting me. The blow it up method just isn't working right now.

as I was saying yesterday I find myself very easily aroused by things I wasn't aroused by before. Walking down the street is harder now than it ever was before because there are so many things that trigger me and I don't really know how to cope with them. I try to not look, breathe deeply and move on, but that's all I've got. Beyond that I'm never more than 10 minutes from acting out, which was never the case before and it's really starting to bother me. Is this what life is supposed to be like and I'd always been too perverted to notice, or am I missing a vital part of recovery?

First of all, I think that it is just a pointer that you are in recovery. In ealier stages you were letting out your tension on porn, since that's not happening you're more prone to the lesser degrees of porn. You're doing great, keep on talking to Hashem, He's always waiting to hear your voice!! Tell him your feelings, frustrations, and desires, ask Him to help you.

Another thing, we have to accept the nisyonos that Hashem is giving us and that changes as we grow. Accepting that we cannot walk down the street normally is another step, take a deep breath and hold Hashem's hand.

KOT KUTGW!!!

Dr.Watson wrote:


Dear Watson, thats a long list.. Youre right, if the rest of the day is not all fully submerged in being eved hashem - then he may not help us when it comes to removing our lust. But doesn't mean that you have to turn into a tzaddik over night. Hashem wants us to be going into the right direction and do so steadily. When a person goes up to shamayim, the fist thing they ask him is "Kovatoh Itim latoirah" - not how many hours, but if it was steady.
Most baalei mussar say, that the avodah of elul, is to make small but firm kabalahs. Small kabbalas grow like seeds. (I made a kabbalah this year to learn Igeres Haramban once a week).

You seem to be going in that direction:
Dr.Watson wrote:


Keep Climbing!

Dr.Watson wrote:


guardyoureyes.com/forum/advsearch?q=WOCOM&searchdate=all