I am 65 hours clean. The last few days have been pretty o.k. I have had the Yetzer Hara put some thought into my mind every now and then, but our Tatte always chased him away after a few minutes. I try to talk to Tatte every night. Even if it is just about my school work, I know that He likes to hear about it. That is because He loves me; He wants to talk with me. He does not care what I focus on, He simple wants to be there to listen to me.

The same goes for all of you. He does not care what you have to say. He wishes to listen to his all of His sons and daughters for its own sake.

Sincerely, some_guy/ Elias/ Eliyahu

I am 0 hours clean. It is 4:24 where I am. I was having trouble falling asleep. I just added the bad website to K9's Always Block List. I don't know what else to say.

-some_guy/ Elias/ Eliyahu

[quoe="some_guy"]I don't know what else to say[/quote]

I have a few ideas.

How about writing down your thoughts that you had before you fell, i.e. how your mind told you that it was the right thing.

What are your thoughts about doing something different and/or more?

Don't be a stranger, not to us, or to yourself!!

Your are worth it!!

some_guy wrote:


I don't really know god so well, so i am hesitant to speak.
I will merely ask: Don't you think He cares a wee-little bit, as to what you have to say?
I do get the point that He simply wants to hear you, and that is probably true - he does wanna, but I kinda get the feelin' that it interests Him a little bit as to what you might be sayin'.
But to repeat - I really don't know Him.

thanks

Hello everyone!

I have been doing well. There have been some ups and downs, but things are getting better. Right now I am 70 hours clean. 70 hours! I can hardly believe that I have been doing so good. I need to stay focused though. As I was walking home a little while ago, the Yetza Hara attacked me. He tried to put some thoughts into my head. However, I quickly through him and his garbage out. I hope everyone else here is doing as well. Have a good Shabbos!

Sincerely, some_guy/ Elias/ Eliyahu

Good for you- both for the 70 hours and also for directing the Y"H away.

Have you been working on surrendering yourself to Hashem?

Also I have found when the lustful thoughts come to me it's best to to softly but firmly push them away- by either saying "this is not for me" - or actually making a motion using my hand instead of - fiercely fighting the thoughts.

I have some very great news. I had a 200 hour streak! I cannot even believe that I am saying this, it is just such an improvement from when I started! Right now my streak is 55 hours long. If I got a streak that long 2 month ago, I would have been ecstatic; now it is my average.

May everyone have a good Shabbos.

Sincerely, some_guy/ Elias/ Eliyahu

יפה שעה אחת בתשובה ומעשים טובים בעולם הזה, מכל חיי העולם הבא


Good Shabboss!

MAZAL TOV! Halevei Veiter!

Hello everyone! I hope that you are doing well. No much has happened since my last post. I fell, but I am not going to worry about it. That happened in the past and I live in the present. Right now I have 22 hours saved up. It feels so good being able to look at the card I made the tally marks on knowing that each one is a precious gift from Tatte. If I ever feel down, this is a great way to remind me of how much He loves me.

I listened to the shiur on SSA yesterday. It talked about how not having a strong connection to one's father can be damaging to one's sense of gender wholeness. My father has a hard time showing emotions and being affectionate. I know he loves me, but I would really like it if he would hug me or say 'I love you' every now and then. I never realized how much it hurt to not have this until a few years age; that is when I started growing really close to my rabbi and he would hug me. Many times I tell myself that when I become a father I will hug and kiss my children everyda, so that they do not know this pain.

Sincerely, some_guy /Elias /Eliyahu

I relate very strongly to that. My father is the same way although he is a wonderful person. He grew up in Europe during the war so he had a hard childhood himself. I myself have a very hard time expressing emotions but I try to be warm with my kids even if it feels fake to me. I know just how badly they need it.

KOMT!!

Hello again!

I fell over the weekend, a lot. But that is o.k. because that happened in the past and the past is not the present.

More importantly, I managed to get a 186 hour streak. Remember, I only count hours that I am awake and out of bed. I can hardly believe I am able to post this. 186 hours! That is over a week! I just cannot believe that I, the boy who M 4 times a day, can say this! That is more than a 3000% improvement!

I am no longer suicidal, crippling depressed, or have a very unhealthy attitude to life. I just... I can not explain how different I am from 3 years ago. This website and every person reading this post have saved my life. From the most inner part of my soul, thank you for saving me.

Love, some_guy /Elias /Eliyahu

Wow that's great news!! (The streak, not the falls)

KUTGW, KUTGA, & KOMT!!!

Thanks for sharing Eliyahu!

Its late where I am. I just tried getting into bed. I could not without audibly grunting. I am in actual, physical pain because I can not stop M.