Love Sick

Part 2/2 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Dov, GYE, Yaakov from GYE (See all authors)

Someone wrote:

I think that seeing your own wife's beauty is a zchus - if you're grateful for her, and have humility and shmiras habris - you will see her beauty. Otherwise you don't. It's no chochmah to see other women's beauty. Marry them and it will soon disappear!

Dov Responds:

So true. But really, why will it disappear? And what really is "it"?

When you say inside, "Wow, look at her", what are you really saying? What does that mean?

I believe that it means you are religious. You worship women with power - women who are beautiful to you. It is a religion, you know. It doesn't have to have a name (Lustism?), but when I observe that my mouth drops open from what I see, that my eyes follow her, and that I fantasize (use) her image, that I focus and hope (and maybe even pray!) for attachment to it...well.....isn't that worship?!

Don't we speak of desiring more than anything to be dovek - attached to Hashem and of the ziv of the Sh'chinah? Isn't it supposed to be a lust of some kind? Doesn't the RMB"M describe it as "the way a man is preoccupied with desire for his woman all day long"?

There is nothing 'anatomically' wrong with you and me, but we have a problem: we have all the right ingredients and 'parts' - and naturally use them for the wrong thing! For a broken cistern. And no amount of religiosity will break me out of it. There is no 'teshuvah' for me to 'snap out of it'....except for maybe a few minutes or days. I need more than any single act, sh'vuah, takanah, chizuk or whatever, can provide.

I need to be immersed in recovery, to hang out with recovering people, be a member of a society of recovering people, use their tools, and learn how to live a little bit differently on a daily basis in the context of my real, mundane, daily life.

Cuz my body 'knows' and tells me that the 'babe' over there, is actually a goddess. Really, not just figuratively. To me, she has power. Real power....and I need her. I feel like she will take care of me if I could only get closer. But as you put it so nicely, once we have a real relationship with them, all that disappears....because that takes them off the pedestal and they are no longer goddesses. "Uh oh...gotta find another one who really is a goddess!" And on it goes....

I am screwed up, and how. Until I recognize and admit that, there is just no starting point at all.