Q&A

By obormottel

A: What do you mean "you just can't say no"? If your mother walked into the room just before you acted out, or if someone put a gun to your head and threatened to kill you if you acted out, would you still not be able to say no? This proves that you can say no, you jus...

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Hashem doesn't like me

By the.guard

A teen member who is clean for over a year wrote: Hashem doesn't like me. Look how hard I've worked to be the best person I can be and now I am finding it so hard to find a yeshiva. All my friends and normal people and I'm just a loser. GYE Responds: My dear frie...

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How do I stay humble?

By the.guard

Tomorrow I will iyH complete my first (hopefully of many) 90 days clean bH. My problem is that every time I start having accomplishments in these areas I start to feel like I overcame the problem and start slacking off and before long end up back @ square 1. My first ques...

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Why did Hashem give this to me in the first place?

By obormottel

A: To answer your question, let me start with this introduction: Powerless doesn't mean you are not responsible for your recovery. The 12-Steps is actually all about taking responsibility! All that powerless means is that you can't do anything about the addiction itself, ...

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From constraints to new heights.

By obormottel

Member: “You say that when you fall, you fall to go higher, but why does it have to be that way? I'm recognizing a lot that I didn't see before. Yes, I'm in a better place in a way. But why can't it be different? And I don't think it's worth breaking Shabbos and knowing I...

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How can I know if I am an addict or not?

By obormottel

This is a common question, but the answer is simple. Whether you are an addict or not is really not relevant, it's just semantics. Let me ask you this, if you aren't addicted, why don't you just STOP? If you feel OUT OF CONTROL (even sometimes). If you set BOUNDARIES...

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To Mas******* or to Masturbate? That is the question.

By obormottel

Every so often, our members revisit the issue of using explicit terms vs. euphemisms in our materials and on the forum (e.g. s*x vs. sex, p*** vs. porn or 'inappropriate materials', etc.). On the one hand, Torah speaks strongly in favor of lashon nekiya, and some member...

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The Will to Change

By once-innocent

There are three things to consider: 1) First of all, from a spiritual perspective, no Jewish person wants to live in the mud. Your soul is crying inside you, begging you to remember why you came down to this world for this short life-time that will affect your ETERNIT...

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My Brother's Friends

By once-innocent

"It's hard because I sit in the office all day in front of the computer". "It's hard because my wife is assur to me now" "It's hard because the women out there dress like that!" "It's hard because I am sometimes so lonely... tired... hungry... anxious.... I feel so vulne...

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But We're Just Friends...

By once-innocent

Our addiction makes us blind to potential pitfalls. If you search deep inside you, you will see that you are justifying something that you KNOW is bad for you and dangerous. What we feel is "good for us" and makes us feel "warm and secure" is the very thing that will ki...

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Sober For Long Stretches of Time

By once-innocent

It doesn't really matter how long you can stay clean for. The question is, why do you keep doing it if you don't want to? This is an indication that you may have some level of addiction. Now there are many levels of addiction, and some of the lighter tools on GYE can help...

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I Was Molested; What Now?

By once-innocent

The short answer is, it is indeed likely that the abuse you underwent is connected to your current addiction. See this article for more WHY. But here is a longer thought for victims of molestation, both male and femlae: Nobody deserves to be abused, especially by people...

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Niddah is so Hard

By once-innocent

The Niddah period was given to us by Hashem as a big gift to help us GROW UP. It’s a gift, a way to strengthen the married couple to build a non-sexual bond in addition to a sexual one. By forcing us to be married WITHOUT sex, we learn that marriage is about giving, s...

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Why Should a Woman Stop?

By once-innocent

For practical suggestions read this article. Although it may not be directly assur for women, masturbating is definitely not within the confines of "Kedoshim Tihiyu", a command including women to "be holy". Masturbation feeds the power of self. Not only that, it ...

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Is abuse related to addiction?

By the.guard

There are 3 reasons why sexual abuse can play a strong role in sexual addiction later on in life. 1) The abuse leaves emotional scars that remain in the person's subconscious for life. Such a person may feel pain deep down, making them more prone to using "self-medicati...

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Can a frum woman join SA?

By the.guard

In general, GYE discourages mixed SA meetings for religious Jews. Having a woman sex-addict in a meeting of SA guys is like bringing alcoholic beverages to an AA meeting and setting it down on the table with cups and refreshments. (Important Note: After sending this artic...

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This one will save me! Or will it?

By obormottel

Question: I have fallen only with pictures, I have a big urge to see a video. My illusion is that if I see one, it will quench my thirst and I will say goodbye... please help. Answer: My dear friend, this is how we all progressed into addiction... First, as teenager...

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What is the Use?

By obormottel

My dear Giving Up , Chazal also say about the churban of the second Beis Hamikdash that Hashem was willing to forgive the murder, adultery and even avodah zara, but he couldn't forgive the bitul Torah. And Chazal say that if someone is walking outside and learning, and h...

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