Today's Vayimaen video is a fitting description of the power of GYE.

www.torahanytime.com/lectures/383617

The power of the chevra!

Onwards and upwards, Buddy

For those who want a quick overview of "The Battle of the Generation" - here you go:
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Core Message

This generation faces unique and unprecedented challenges with desire and temptation. However, these challenges are actually the greatest opportunity in history to achieve spiritual greatness through overcoming difficulty.

Part 1: Understanding the OpportunityThe Secret the Yetzer Hara Doesn't Want You to Know

• Our generation's challenges are actually opportunities for unprecedented greatness
• The harder the battle, the greater the potential accomplishment
• Hashem placed us in this generation specifically to achieve what no previous generation could

The Story of Palti

• Palti lived with King Saul's daughter for 5 years without sinning
• His accomplishment was considered greater than Yosef's with Potifar's wife
• Key insight: Palti was excited about his challenge because he understood the greatness he could achieve
• When the challenge ended, he cried because he lost his opportunity to accomplish

The Principle of Effort = Greatness

• From Avos D'Rebbe Nosson: A mitzvah done with difficulty is worth over 100 mitzvos done easily
• "Lefum tza'ara agra" - reward is according to the difficulty
• Each level of additional difficulty multiplies reward by 100

Part 2: Developing the Right AttitudeMissing Out vs. Gaining Everything

• The yetzer hara makes us feel we're "missing out" by not indulging
• Reality: Physical pleasure is overrated and leaves us empty
• True fulfillment comes from meaningful accomplishment and becoming great
• We miss nothing by controlling ourselves; we gain everything

Don't Despair - Proper Self-Image

• Past failures don't define us - we are good people who sometimes stumble
• Identity shift: "I don't do that" vs. "I am someone who does these things"
• Each victory changes our essence and makes us stronger
• Focus on growth and accomplishment, not perfection

Part 3: The Battle PlanFour Essential Components:1. Awareness (Part 5)

• Anticipate challenges before they happen
• Document battles to identify triggers and patterns
• Prepare specific responses for likely scenarios
• Use physical reminders (like tzitzis) to maintain focus
• Stay alert to avoid being caught off guard

2. Wanting to Win (Part 6)

• Develop genuine excitement about accomplishing greatness
• Remember that overcoming desire = achieving the impossible
• Focus on the unique opportunity of our generation
• Celebrate every victory, no matter how small
• Build daily motivation through reading and contemplation

3. Willpower (Part 7)

• Know clearly what is forbidden - eliminate the "gray area"
• Build determination: "I will not do that!"
• Understand consequences while maintaining proper perspective
• Remember that prohibitions are gifts that help us succeed
• Develop the identity: "I am someone who doesn't do these things"

4. Calming Desires (Part 8)

• Contemplate how physical pleasure doesn't deliver happiness
• Remember that "and then what?" - pleasure is temporary
• Understand what we really seek: meaning and significance
• Apply these insights during battle to weaken desires
• Think about the future consequences of our choices

Part 4: Additional Battle TechniquesStaying Away - Avoiding Triggers

• Limit exposure to harmful influences (Internet, media, etc.)
• Identify personal triggers and avoid them when possible
• Remember: "A little bad spoils the good"
• Balance protection with healthy living
• Get proper rabbinical guidance for your situation

Torah Study and Prayer

• Torah is the antidote to the yetzer hara (Gemara Kiddushin 30b)
• Mussar study is the most direct weapon
• Prayer builds relationship with Hashem and provides strength
• Toiling in learning strengthens us spiritually
• Learning relevant halachos makes prohibitions feel real

Controlling Speech and Thoughts

• Avoid inappropriate speech - it strengthens desires
• Handle stray thoughts with indifference: "Whatever, next"
• Don't get frustrated with unwanted thoughts - they're not sins
• Use distraction techniques for persistent thoughts
• Remember: thoughts that pop up aren't our fault

Getting Help

• Find a mentor who understands the struggle
• Consider becoming a mentor to others (strengthens yourself)
• Join support groups or communities (like GYE)
• Don't fight alone - the battle is too difficult

Key Mindset ShiftsFrom Obligation to Opportunity

• Old mindset: "I have to control myself" (burden)
• New mindset: "I get to achieve greatness" (opportunity)

From Perfection to Growth

• Old mindset: Focus on not messing up
• New mindset: Focus on accomplishing and growing

From Victim to Warrior

• Old mindset: "Why is this happening to me?"
• New mindset: "This is my chance to become great"

From Shame to Pride

• Old mindset: Ashamed of struggles and failures
• New mindset: Proud of efforts and growth

The Ultimate Message

You were not created to be ordinary. Hashem placed you in this generation, with these specific challenges, because He wants you to achieve unprecedented greatness. Every moment of self-control is a victory that angels cannot achieve. Every battle won brings you closer to becoming the great person you were meant to be.

The difficulty is not a punishment - it's your opportunity. The stronger the challenge, the greater the potential accomplishment. This is the battle of the generation, and you have the chance to emerge victorious and achieve eternal greatness.

Daily Practice

1. Read something motivating about accomplishment every day
2. Celebrate every victory, no matter how small
3. Prepare for upcoming challenges through visualization
4. Study Torah and Mussar regularly
5. Pray for Hashem's help in the battle
6. Connect with others fighting the same battle
7. Remember: You are becoming great through this struggle

Checking in. 

Had a little bit of a rough day yesterday. I had a work thing in I guess what would be called the business district of a smaller city. Lots of trendy little shoppes, offices, restaurants, etc. The whole area was filled with (what seemed like to me) young vibrant attractive people. Right across from the location I was heading to was a large church (decorated with a beautiful rainbow flag - it was that kinda neighborhood.) And on the church steps was a whole group of young women hanging out and socializing. 

It triggered me hard. One person in particular, but the whole matzav. Later, I was able to sit with the feeling for a little bit and kinda digest what I was feeling. It wasn't just I saw someone attractive and lusted, it was more like desiring a whole different life of freedom. In German they say sehnsucht. A feeling of incompletion and longing for a more ideal alternative life. I imagined these people were happy, free, beautiful, in a way that I was not, and I wanted it. In hebrew maybe we'd say הִתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה. 

Not gonna get into the lie of that feeling. But it's funny though. This feeling was a major trigger for me for a long time (perhaps not in those specific words.) I think I've become a lot more accepting of my life in general. 

I didn't handle the trigger particularly well. It threw me off, in addition to a long hard day. I thought I got past it, but ended up kinda pushing the border of a red circle activity I've avoided pretty well. Not a fall, but something that feels unhealthy to me. That being said, I think being aware of what's happening I would not have the same reaction next time. It also drove home that some substantial maturity type of stuff may have happened - it's been awhile since I felt that way.
It also drove home that if I'd kept my head down the whole time it might've been more effort at the time, but it would've avoided the whole trigger. 

Anyway. Perhaps some excessive philosphizin'. But that's where we're at. 

thompson wrote on 23 Jul 2025 14:42:

A week clean and back to meditating - that's real progress, my friend.

I love the ceiling tiles metaphor. You're right that focusing on what's NOT broken doesn't magically fix everything else, but it's a much better place to build from than staring at all the holes.

The fact that you have energy to even notice the good tiles? That's huge. Depression and this struggle both love to make us blind to anything positive.

Keep counting those tiles. The disclaimer will get shorter as the gratitude gets louder.

Proud of you for the week clean.

hashemisonmyside wrote on 23 Jul 2025 18:41:

What an incredible story! I'm getting chills reading this - the timing of that call coming in right when your son was having doubts about the other yeshiva is just unreal. And after you were ready to totally give up on that first choice!

You're so right about the message here. Sometimes Hashem shows us these clear signs exactly when we need to hear them most. The fact that this happened right in the middle of your own struggles with staying clean - that's not a coincidence.

It's like Hashem is telling you: "Look, I didn't forget about you. Keep pushing, keep trying, don't give up on yourself just like you didn't give up on getting your son into the right yeshiva."

Your persistence with those daily calls and emails paid off in ways you never expected. That same energy, that same refusal to quit - that's exactly what's going to carry you through this journey too.

What a bracha that your son now has his first choice! And what a reminder for all of us that just when we think the door is closed, Hashem might have other plans.

Thanks for sharing this - I really needed to hear it today. Sometimes the signs come exactly when we need them most.

goldwings wrote on 24 Jul 2025 06:10:


P&M Sent a reply...

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Dear Former Friend,

You think you're so clever with your little victory speech, don't you? Calling me out, analyzing our "relationship," acting like you've figured it all out. But let me tell you something - I know you better than you know yourself.

You say you won't masturbate that night? Please. I've heard this song before. How many times have you written me these dramatic breakup letters? How many times have you declared your independence, only to come crawling back within days, weeks at most? Your willpower is adorable, really.

And this mentor of yours - oh, he's got you all fired up now, doesn't he? Filling your head with hope and strategies. But where was he at 2 AM when you were alone with your thoughts? Where will he be next week when that familiar emptiness creeps back in? I'm the one who's always been there for you, remember?

You talk about getting stronger every time you look away on the street. But I see how hard you're fighting just to keep your eyes forward. I feel the tension in your body, the way your heart races when you catch even a glimpse. You're white-knuckling it, my friend, and we both know that never lasts.

This whole thing about "genuine purity" over streaks? It's just another way to make yourself feel better about failing. Deep down, you know that broken streak stings because it represents exactly what you are - unreliable, weak, always falling short of your own promises.

Your wife complaints? Those aren't going anywhere. The distance between you two, the disappointment in her eyes, the way intimacy feels like a chore - that's all still there, simmering under the surface. And when the mentor's pep talks fade and real life kicks in, guess who'll be waiting with open arms?

I'm patient. I've got time. Enjoy your little rebellion while it lasts.

But you know what? I'm feeling generous today. Maybe it's because I respect a worthy opponent. So let me tell you something that your mentor won't - the real secret to beating me forever.

Stop trying to fight me directly. Every time you "white-knuckle" it, every time you grit your teeth and say "I won't look," you're feeding me. You're giving me all your mental energy and attention. I LOVE being the center of your thoughts, even when you're resisting me.

Here's what actually works, and I hate telling you this: Replace me completely. Don't just avoid me - become obsessed with something else entirely. Find something that makes you feel MORE alive than I do. Pour all that energy you waste fighting me into building something beautiful instead.

Your real problem isn't me - it's that empty hole inside you that you've been using me to fill. Until you fill it with something real - deep connection with your wife, meaningful work, spiritual growth, helping others - I'll always be your go-to drug.

And here's the kicker: Stop making it about "staying clean." Make it about becoming the man you actually want to be. When you're truly busy building that life, you won't even remember I exist.

The guys who beat me for good? They don't think about me anymore. They replaced me so completely that I became irrelevant.

There. I just gave you the roadmap to destroy me forever.

Will you actually use it? We'll see. Most people prefer the drama of fighting me to the hard work of replacing me.

Your move, former friend.

P&M

P.S. - I really hope you don't take this advice. I'd miss our little dance.

chaimoigen wrote on 23 Jul 2025 01:10:

The second one. If it matters. 

And you should be

Mazel Tov!

although it's the 9 days shabbos but for this you can be happy and drink an extra L'chaim!!

Amazing stuff!!

did you hear the Vayimain clip about scoring point like waze? every time you score like MM points, that clip was amazing how by pushing away an urge you just score unlimited points which you will eventually redeem big time

your long posts are so sweet and to the point!!!

i see you succeeding big time just slowly but surely...

just keep doing what you're doing...

all Hashem wants from us is the afford, the rest he will handle 

Hello, all.

I am grateful to Hashem for thirty days free of masturbation and six weeks free of pornography.

Day Count: 30 Days
No 'P' Count: 42 Days
Cumulative Count: 1700 Days

It's amazing that you have the courage to take this on. I wanted to add that you are much more likely to succeed if you don't just seek to avoid negative for 90 days, but rather also do something positive to strengthen yourself each day for 90 days in a row. This will especially help you with your goal, to be free beyond 90 days, because it will make a change in yourself.Some good ideas are below in my signature.

It took so many years, but I finally found something to help me with this type of stuff. I realized that a lot of what I was doing was ultimately really caused by my low self-esteem, which got me to sabotage everything (and be miserable and depressed). As hinted to in the religious pain thread, it was very difficult to get anywhere with that, because my low self-esteem always tied in to religious stuff, to the extent that I thought that my low self-esteem was entirely connected to religious matters, which makes sense because they were so important to me. And I thought all my negative views were the reality (that is the truth in Judaism), and I am terrible and doomed. Over time I found a lot of sources that proved otherwise, which I am discussing some of in the Religious Pain thread over time. (Also see Appendix A in the back of The Battle of the Generation, which is gold for this. Link is below in my signature.)

But what I really wanted to discuss today is that I found something that really helped me with my low self-esteem without having to get involved in religious ideas at all. It's the Lefkoe Method, where you remove and erase your negative self-esteem beliefs from your brain, and then just live your life without them (without having to convince myself that I'm greater than Moshe Rabbeinu to feel good about myself, which was the old method and it never worked). Try some parts of it out free at www.recreateyourlife.com/free .

Sorry, don't have time to write about the Europe stuff today. Hopefully tomorrow.