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15 Jun 2017 17:46
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bear
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Hi lots of good stuff in the Torah and Chizuk section of forum. Im ganna try to gather some of the ones i really liked here. Tons of really good ones. but only taking ones spoke to me most. Please add other posts you feel are highlights as well. Just so we can have all the heavy hitters in one section.Thanks.
Thanks to Markz for idea. Originally I just cluttered the GYE forum by posting below the posts to move them to top of forum so ppl will see them. Markz kindly pointed out to me that I should just copy them to one thread and not clutter forum. Thanks Markz, much appreciated.
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 15:57:
E-Tek wrote on 27 Jun 2012 02:02:
From Rav Elya Lopian, an amazing vort.
It says in Avos, Kach Hi Darka Shel Torah, etc, Chayei Tzar Tichye.
A life of pain you live.
And then it says Im Ata Oseh Kein, Ashrecha Baolam Hazeh, etc.
If you do it, you'll have an amazing life in this world.
Asks Rav Elya, how is it possible for a person to have a chayei tzar, AND an ashrecha baolam hazeh?
And he also asks, if this is the derech hatorah, presumably it is something everyone must do. Why does it say IM ata oseh kein, it should say KISHEATA oseh kein?
He answers, one who doesn't understand that difficulty isn't a contradiction to enjoyment of life is NOT doing it. If he was, IM ATA OSEH KEIN, he would understand the ASHRECHA.
Rabosai, if you are wondering whether or not to take the plunge, to clean house and commit, to give up your triggers, like I was doing, like many others on the forum did until they finally hit bottom, because you are worried- life will be painful, life will be hard...
I'm telling you, life is WONDERFUL. AMAZING. REAL. Yeah, it may be tough at times, but it's the good life. Take the plunge. Start enjoying life- real enjoyment.
Hatzlacha, all!
Meir
Wow!! Thanks for sharing!!
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 16:08:
Chachaman wrote on 08 Apr 2013 07:50:
Rashi in the beginning of Vayikra Perek 11 quotes the Midrash Tanchuma about why we were commanded kashrus:
A doctor has two patients, one of whom has hope of being cured and one who does not. To the one who does not, the doctor allows him to eat whatever he wants, because it doesn't make a difference. To the one who does, however, the doctor restricts what he can eat so that he will recover.
Jews have a hope of developing a relationship with HKBH, so what we eat makes a difference, and we were thus commanded; non-Jews don't share such benefits.
If so, we can apply this idea to the rest of the Torah--specifically zera levatala:
Every Jew has a hope of being cured. As long as you're Jewish, you're commanded, because there is yet hope that you will develop a relationship with Hashem and keep his Torah.
If you're Jewish, you still haven't lost hope.
NIce!
Very thought provoking!
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 16:11:
syataDshmaya wrote on 18 Apr 2013 07:35:
A saw a beautiful idea about dveikus in a sefer called Dorash Dovid.
He asks 'why did klal Israel only merit the level of prophecy that they did at the yam suf? How did this happen so soon after they were on the 49th level of Tumah in Mitzraim?'
He explains that inorder to receive prophecy, one has to elevate himself above the physical, inorder to be in a state capable of achieving an intimate connection with Hashem. This process is called dveikus. And the Meshech Chochma speaks about this:
'When a person knows that he is under the hashgacha of Hashem Yisborach, and when he knows that Hashem is capable of anything, and that Hashem feels his concern or pain more than he himself does, that person feels happy and calm. Because, he'll say, 'what is the use in worrying about these concerns, while Hashem feels them more than I do, and he is all powerful'. And this is called dveikus.'
At the sea, Klal Israel were surrounded on one side by a pursuing, mighty Egyptian army that had enslaved them for generations, and on the other by a vast and seemingly endless sea. When Klal Israel walked into the sea before it split - even until the water was up to their noses - so that they could follow Hashem and not go back the the Tumah of Mitzraim - they demonstrated they were willing to give up even their physical existence mamash for Hashem. That is how they achieved dveikus and came to the intimate connection of prophecy.
We should all be zocheh, with Hashem's help, to escape the grasp of Tumah by trusting in Hashem even when the situation seems impossible from every angle. We should always know and feel that He feels our pain even more than we do ourselves, and we should give ourselves up to Him completely.
Love it!!
Thanks for posting
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 16:22:
haramaz96 wrote on 21 May 2014 04:57:
id like to share with u something nice i recently heard. we all wondr why it looks sooooo enticing to be hanging out with girls and to look at things we shouldnt. why does it appear to look like fun? and then after we act out, so to speak, we feel like dirt?
rav yissochar frand says in the name of rav pinchas ben yair: the tree of knowledge, in the times of adam and eve, was just a plain and simple tree. but wen g-d told adam "dont eat from it", the satan popped in and said to adam, "why listen to Him? why should u have any limitations? u have everything but this! and besides, the fruit from this tree besides for tasting amazing, is the remedy for anything and everything. itll giv u strength freedom fame u name it!... just eat it!". so adam and eve ate the fruit. but then suddenly they felt naked. it says ki airoomim heim. they werent physically naked! they felt naked of everything they gave up for falling to this small temptation. now lets look at ourselves. how naked and nasty do we feel after falling? why are we giving up to a stupid fruit? but lets look on the bright side. how amazing does it feel to stand up to the yetzer hara and say, "boom! take that! im not falling 4 ur garbage!" it feels amazing! stay strong guys!
Thanks for the chizzuk
skeptical wrote on 19 Jun 2014 05:55:
I was listening to a Jewish radio program in my car today by a Rabbi Barzilai. He talks about chinuch, and today's topic was perfectionism. I'm pretty sure he said that the following is from Gemorah, but I can't say for certain.
Every creature in this world is able to be self-sufficient within a few days of birth. Flies are created and they know what they need to do to survive. Cats, dogs, raccoons, birds, mice, etc. - doesn't take them more than a few days to figure out what they need and they're set for life.
There's one exception - humans, the king of the "animal kingdom". It takes months before a human can eat food. It takes several more months before we can eat with a spoon without getting the food all over ourselves. Walking? Not so simple. To learn how to be self-sufficient takes years. How much schooling does it take? About 20 years, and even then we still don't have life figured out!
How can that be? Does it make any sense? The lowliest creature learns everything instantaneously and the one highest up the chain is floundering around for years??
The answer is very simple. Hashem sees very little value in things that don't require work. It comes naturally? You do it instinctively? Big deal. We weren't put in this world for that. We were put in this world to give it our best shot, to put in every bit of effort we have. It's not the achievement that matters, but the effort that was put in that Hashem really values. The effort itself is the target we should be aiming for. That is the goal.
Hashem could have made us perfect spiritual beings like Malachim. Instead, He made us as complicated imperfect creations, to show us that He wants us to make an effort to reach our goals. If we stumble and fall on the way, so be it. Our job is to keep pushing, one step at a time.
peloni almoni wrote on 08 Aug 2014 06:18:
The pasuk says: velo sasuru acharei levavchem ve’acharei einechem. Rashi brings from chazal: the eyes are scouts for the body. The eyes see, then the heart desires, and the rest of the body gets dragged into it as well. This raises an obvious question: the pasuk says einechem only after having said levavchem. If the chazal that Rashi brings is truly the torah sheba’al peh counterpart to this pasuk; if the lesson of this pasuk is, in fact, that first the eyes see and then the heart desires, why is the order switched?
There are many answers given. The following is very close to pashut peshat, and brings an important point home.
The cycle goes as follows: A person is walking, and something provocotive catches the corner of his eye. Curious, his urge is to take a second glance, to turn his head, lift his eyes, and look. Says the torah: velo sasuru acharei levavchem ve’acharei einechem. We cannot control what leaks into the corner of our eye, or what pops into our direct line of vision. Aunoos, rachamana patreih. The ikkar is not to follow our heart and take a second look. Do you know why? Because the eyes are the scouts for the body. The eye sees, and the heart wants, and leads the rest of the body to sin.
That is why the order is reversed. The pasuk is telling us the prohibition - do not follow your heart to take that second look. The corresponding chazal is warning us of what we know only too well - if you take that second look, the eyes will effect the heart, and pull the body into sin.
I think this is important for any male member of our species, especially us. It is something I am working on myself, as I have come to understand that it is truly the cornerstone to our struggle. Training our self not to take the second glace… and feeling good about it.
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 16:53:
Positivity wrote on 26 Jul 2013 20:21:
This may be famous...but I was inspired.
Rav Dessler (Chelek 1, page 42)brings a Gemara which tells of a man hiding in the walls of the house of a woman with whom he was having an affair. The husband came home and was about to drink water that this man knew was poisoned. At the point, the man jumped out and recused the husband.
Abayei says: It is certain that the man did not commit adultery with this woman; otherwise, he would have wanted the husband dead.
The Gemora asks: Isn't this obvious?
The Gemora answers: I might have thought that he preferred the husband alive in order to enjoy the woman as mayim genuvim; km"l not so.
Tosafos asks: Maybe that is the case?
Tosafos answers: An adulterer is unaware of the concept of mayim genuvim yumtaku.
Explains Rav Dessler: The vast majority of lust is the desire to have that which is not ours. We tell ourselves, "If only I had it, I would be happy." Once we do have it, it is now under our belt and part of us and therefore not special anymore. If we truly understood this, we would not run after lust. By definition, one who runs after a married woman believes that if she were muteres to him, it would be truly heaven on earth.
As I sit outdoors (with my back and screen to the street) enjoying Day 45 (bli ayin Hara), I am in the process of internalizing that much of my life has been about achieving that which I don't have and then being bored once I acquire it. Whether in relatively innocent form - a better job, a promotion, a better car, a new position in the community - or in its more sinister form - the next image or story, the next lady-in-waiting (thank you Dov for that wake-up observation), or the next mb session - I have tended to always feel a lack for what is not yet a part of me.
I am working on realizing that true Chayim means recognizing and appreciating that I can give to the world that is external to me - give my all to the wife and children I have, to the job I have, to the friends I have; rejoice in their simchas and in the fact that they are building their own batim ne'emanim b'yisrael - and know that I am not missing anything; on the contrary, I am now able to coexist with HKBH and the world around me.
Just a thought, opposite of "the stolen water outlook" is "hasameach bechalko/happy with your lot". Just like the outlooks are opposite so are the results. One causes you to be sad, desire what you do not have, and make you feel like you are missing out. while the other makes you happy and enjoy life.
Heard a great recording of Rabbi Noah Weinberg on sameach bechelko.
Here is the link to the recording and article. www.simpletoremember.com/articles/a/way-27-happiness/
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 17:06:
Avrom wrote on 07 Apr 2013 03:59:
On lag baomer we joyfully sing: „Omar R‘ Akiva, Ashreichem Yisrael! Ma hamikva metaher es hat’meim kach Hkb’h metaher es yisroel“ Why was it necessary for R’ Akiva to tell us this?? The torah in speaks in length about Yom Kippur – and in other places as well, long before R' Akiva came around, Tshuva is mentioned, so why make such a big deal of this omar R’ Akiva??
The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains: As we know there are no extra words in Mishnayos. Therefore it may seem strange for R’ Akiva so specify: “Ma mikva metaher - es Hat’meyim” isn’t it obvious that a mikva is metaher tmeyim?? He should have said “Ma hamikva metaher – kach Hkb’h metaher..!?” (Some answer because then the song would be missing words:) )
The gemara (-iforgot where) has a dispute: If someone becomes tuma by touching a sheretz or by seeing shichvas zera he must go to the mikva – and when night falls, he’s tahor. If someone however touches a mess(corpse) he must go thru seven-day procedure that includes getting sprinkled with the ashes of the Poroh Aduma, only then he regains his tahara.
Here comes the question: What, if someone (that touched a corpse and) during the 7 days of purity touches a sheretz or sees shichvas zerah. Do we say “let him take care of the small tumah and then you can proceed “ or do we say “You anyways are impure, so what difference does this small impurity make? Plus: The greater impurity will be removed thru the ashes of the porah adumah – so why make an effort for something that will vanish anyway?”
R’ Akiva viewed the first opinion as correct and is sending us a deep message: Of course a mikva makes a person tahor! However,
“Ma hamikva metaher es hatmeyim” – just like a mikva is metaher the tmeyim, even though he is posessed by a much greater tuma as above-
“Kach Hkb’h metaher es yisrael” -So too, we still may be deep in the mud, but even a small step towards Hashem is very valued by Him and will purify us . Often it doesn’t seem to sense to make a small change, feeling that it is so insignificant and that greater action is needed for any result. R’ Akiva teaches us to No way!
-Ashreichem Yisrael
NIce. Awesome year round, not just log baomer. Thanks!!
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 17:12:
bear wrote on 15 Jun 2017 17:25:
Mkhelp613 wrote on 22 Nov 2015 18:09:
I found a beautiful explanation of sefer Mishlei from the Vilna Gaon that sheds light on how the yetzer hara, the evil inclination, can trap us. In chapter 7 of Mishlei, Shlomo HaMelech says about the yetzer hara, that it first comes to us like this:
יג וְהֶחֱזִיקָה בּוֹ, וְנָשְׁקָה לּוֹ; הֵעֵזָה פָנֶיהָ, וַתֹּאמַר לוֹ. 13 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face she said unto him:
יד זִבְחֵי שְׁלָמִים עָלָי; הַיּוֹם, שִׁלַּמְתִּי נְדָרָי. 14 'Sacrifices of peace-offerings were due from me; this day have I paid my vows.
The Vilna Goan asks what to peace offerings have to do with the yetzer hara? He says that with a peace offering its a mitzvah to eat the WHOLE thing, AND to be happy while you are eating it! Meaning, there is a real risk that through a mitzvah such as a peace offering, where there is a commandment to enjoy the physical world in a sense, there is a real risk that the yetzer hara will then take that experience and turn it to sins.
What's interesting is that I've noticed that I tend to fall with guarding my eyes after Shabbos, after I have enjoyed the physical world, when that enjoyment in a sense was a mitzvah! Here the Gra is teaching that even so, don't enjoy it so much to the point where the yetzer hara can then take that enjoyment of the physical world and isolate it from its spiritual root.
He says also there is a sense that when we do mitzvahs such as eating on Shabbos, we can think we 'paid our vows.' We did our part to enjoy the world in a spiritual way, and now we can take a "break" and enjoy it in a selfish way. Why do we think like that? Perhaps it is because we were wrong to think in the first place that it was ever ok, even on Shabbos, to enjoy the physical world as the physical world. Even on Shabbos, when we are allowed to indulge in pleasures that we normally aren't advised to enjoy during the week, it is still so important to keep in mind that this is still a spiritual form of serving Hashem, and that it is never recommended to us to enjoy the physical world for its own sake. Because once that happens, the yetzer hara says...
טו עַל-כֵּן, יָצָאתִי לִקְרָאתֶךָ; לְשַׁחֵר פָּנֶיךָ, וָאֶמְצָאֶךָּ. 15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
טז מַרְבַדִּים, רָבַדְתִּי עַרְשִׂי; חֲטֻבוֹת, אֵטוּן מִצְרָיִם. 16 I have decked my couch with coverlets, with striped cloths of the yarn of Egypt.
Here the Gra says that the the bedding represents the pleasures of this world that put us to sleep to our spiritual mission, and then the yarn of Egypt wraps us tighter in the pursuit of pleasure. This was all because the yetzer hara made us thing that when we were doing 'pleasure mitzvah's like eating on Shabbos, that it was ever ok, in the first place, to enjoy these pleasures as physical. No, we were only ever allowed to have those extra indulgences by seeing the physical pleasure as rooted in the spiritual world, and in that way to realize Gd's unity on all levels. But it was never ok, even on Shabbos, to enjoy the physical world for its own sake. Then the yetzer hara says...
יז נַפְתִּי מִשְׁכָּבִי-- מֹר אֲהָלִים, וְקִנָּמוֹן. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
Here he says 'perfuming the bed' means that the yetzer puts the person 'to sleep,' 'in bed,' asleep to his spiritual mission and to his post as a soldier fighting the yetzer hara. This is done through perfume, which has the same root as niuf, adultery. The yetzer hara is trying to steal us from our true spouse, our soul, by putting us into spiritual sleep.
Then it speaks about myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Here the Gra says that this represents the aspect that a person who does teshuva out of love is able to turn his sins into these beautiful fragrances. The yetzer hara knows that we want to grow and to teshuva, so it tells us that it is ok to sin by enjoying the world in a selfish way, because we can always do teshuva out of love and fix it. This is a big mistake, because we know that someone who says I will sin and then do teshuva will have a very difficult time doing teshuva. Not impossible, but much more difficult.
יח לְכָה נִרְוֶה דֹדִים, עַד-הַבֹּקֶר; נִתְעַלְּסָה, בָּאֳהָבִים. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning; let us solace ourselves with loves.
Again, the yetzer hara says let's enjoy sins until the morning, until the end of life when we pass away,; when at that time we can "solace ourselves with loves," i.e. that we can fix the sins at the end of life by doing teshuva from love. But we know, it is a big mistake to think that way "l'chatchila!"
I just found it interesting, helpful, and inspiring that I was having trouble consistently on motzei Shabbos, after Shabbos, when we were allowed to enjoy the physical world for spiritual purposes. Perhaps I have been enjoying the physical world for its own sake on Shabbos. Then the yetzer hara could get me to think that it was ok to do physical sins after Shabbos. But if we never enjoy the physical world for its own sake, even on Shabbos, we don't give the yetzer hara any chance to make us think that that is ever ok. So it could be that guarding the eyes, according to this, really begins with eating properly etc. with holiness..
Wow, incredible understanding of Mishlei through the Gra. Shkoyach.
Have noticed feel on edge a lot after shabbas, and it is a common time I fell (just looked on my fortify battle tracker). Maybe it has something to do with this.
Thanks
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15 Jun 2017 17:25
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MayanHamisgaber
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GrowStrong wrote on 15 Jun 2017 11:36:
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 15 Jun 2017 10:52:
True but facing the truth is the scariest thing for me
i thought you already faced the truth!
You are a really addicted non- addict :D
The last time I faced it was 3 years ago
It is not the same as admitting it on an forum behind a fake name or on a phone
I still do not understand the term addicted non- addict
The way I see myself is a normal guy with a big y"h
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15 Jun 2017 15:09
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Trouble
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workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
The Torah instructs us as to what she wants and needs.
Chazal guide us on this.
Once a week, twice a week, five times every two weeks; depending on ones ability to recoup.
If she doesn't want, explain it to her that she really does want and you are doing this all for her.
Don't let the pesky yetzer hara get in your/her way.
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15 Jun 2017 06:39
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GrowStrong
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workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
The Hebrew SA call it Ta'ava.
Does that make more sense for you?
Can you see the difference between having a loving relationship with your wife that revolves around giving whatever it is she needs to her vs fulfilling your taavos with her?
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15 Jun 2017 02:05
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Markz
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Re: tshuva
kilochalu wrote on 16 Sep 2015 20:21:
this is a topic that comes up here and there pretty often and with heated debates about how working on addictions has nothing to do with tshuva and working on tshuva has nothing to do with working on addictions and then of course there are those who still have a hard time buying that or swallowing that and argue the other side or at least they want to know sof sof what is going to be with doing tshuva.... vhadvarim yiduim vacm"l
anyway I just saw today something that i thought would be of interest to some of the oilam here- an unbelievable tshuva from rav vosner to someone asking for a seder tshuvas hamishkal for aveiros that had been done continuously for many years. rav vosner brings a yismach moshe that basically says that tshuva hamishkal is only neccesary for a one time aveira or even if it was done many one times but for an addiction it is enough the tremendous effort and accomplishment of getting over the addiction! the yismach moshe says this was revealed to him in a dream. rav vosner says we don't paskin based on dreams but this we paskin because it is true! (cheilek 4 tshuva 55)
they say the gedolim of our dor sit with the beis din shel maala since they understand the nisyonos of the dor so i'm sure rav vosner is there paskining this halacha lemaaseh mamash!
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15 Jun 2017 01:05
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cordnoy
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workingmyprogram wrote on 15 Jun 2017 00:52:
Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
And the more we think about them, the better!
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15 Jun 2017 00:52
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workingmyprogram
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Does anyone on here even know what "lust" actually means? Sounds like a non-Jewish word if you ask me. We should want to have sex with our wives just like we want to eat food. Nothing wrong with hunger and nothing wrong with a healthy desire to have sex. Just has to be directed towards our wife. Of course, someone can have some form of sterile sex thinking about their taxes if that's what floats their boat but probably better to start learning how to enjoy sexual pleasure in a healthy way than becoming a sexual anorexic in response to years of abusing our bris. It's ok to be a human, and maybe not ok to try to not be one.
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14 Jun 2017 18:45
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Day #10
B"H I passed Day #9, and Today is Day #10.
I’m very thankful that Today is called number #10, I’m very grateful and thankful to Hashem because he is always on my side, he loves me, even I don’t see it, but I believe it, and every Nisoyion, is just another test, he wants to test me how far I will go out of my way for him, and even I might fall, which I hope not, I’m still his child, and he still loves me, and im not a fool or a loser, so, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I am powerless on my addiction, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.
I had a very clean and successful day yesterday, and I’m very very proud of that, Thank You Hashem, for all the goods you are giving me, I’m really thankful, especially with my lusting problem, I beg you hashem, please don’t let me fall, Thank You all GYE Chaveirim, and thanks to my Partner, for my new life… Thank You I sew a great vort in Ohr Hachaim on the Pussik ועבדי כלב עקב היתה רוח אחרת עמו וימלא אחרי והביאתיו אל הארץ אשר בא שמה וזרעו יורשנה why did hashem only mentiond Kulaiv and not Yehoshua, he was together with the same mindset like kulaiv? And what does it means היתה רוח אחרת עמו the pussik should have say ועבדי כלב מלא אחרי that’s it? So the Ohr Hachaim says that Yehoshua had someone who had him in mind, Moshe Rabeinu had him in mind and he prayed for him so he wasn’t in such a צרה but Kuleiv had a big problem, and he had an internal fight, the YH asked him to go with the Mraglim and the YT asked him to go with Yehoshua, so that’s what the pusik says: עקב היתה רוח אחרת עמו BECAUSE he had a huge fight with the YH and he won that fight, because of that he got rewarded that he will live another 40 years, והביאתיו אל הארץ was after 40 years in midbar, so, we all have a similar רוח אחרת עמו should we listen to the YH or to the YT, I think we will be better off listening to the YT!!!
Today is Day #10, and Today only, I really want to stay clean, and I will stay clean for the rest of my life, I realized that I’m Powerless, I can’t help myself by myself, I need upper power, assistance and guidance, the Today is not long at all, it’s a matter of just a few hours, I won’t mess up the few moments left in Today, and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me, my partner, all GYE members and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean! Yes! We can! Together!
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14 Jun 2017 15:44
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Markz
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eslaasos wrote on 14 Jun 2017 15:39:
cordnoy wrote on 14 Jun 2017 01:37:
It doesn't allow me to quote the first post. Perhaps because I so distant from these lofty ways. The post, however, would probably be helpful for some of the fellows.
But this quote worked. Maybe that post was too old and archived or something...
First post on a many threads have this issue
When they are edited too many times the system gets maxed out...
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14 Jun 2017 15:39
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eslaasos
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cordnoy wrote on 14 Jun 2017 01:37:
It doesn't allow me to quote the first post. Perhaps because I so distant from these lofty ways. The post, however, would probably be helpful for some of the fellows.
But this quote worked. Maybe that post was too old and archived or something...
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14 Jun 2017 15:38
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eslaasos
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Yes, the quote button seems to be broken.Here is the OP. Although this is my first post, I have benefitted from the GYE community for the past 2 years. My purpose in writing is to share with my brothers what worked for me in the hope of helping. I was lost in a very severe lust addiction for 30 years, starting pretty much from puberty. Gazing (live and in pics), fantasy, intrusive thoughts, obsession with various fetishes, self-pleasure. Numerous cycles of teshuva every Elul invariably ended in relapse soon after Succos.
All this while raising a frum family, learning Gemorra daily, listening to hashkafa tapes and attending shiurim.
It was only when I discovered GYE that I learned for the first time that I was an addict. I read voraciously and subscribed to both emails. I gained tremendous chizuk (encouragement) from those who told their stories on this forum. I made a commitment not to look at women (other than my wife) and still believe that this is the most important key to success. This is not easy. I love to look at women, and work with many young women at my job. I pinched my inner thigh if I caught myself looking, and in the beginning my thigh was quite bruised. Eventually, it got easier.
When intrusive thoughts (images, fantasies) entered my mind, I recited the following: "Ribbono Shel Olam I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable. Only you can restore me to sanity. I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust. I don't want to lust. I only want you and a relationship with you." In the beginning, I probably said this dozens of times in a day. Now it's maybe once a month.
I worked on not lusting after my wife except when we were in the bedroom. I've gotten much better at this. This too is an important step for married men. The yetzer (evil impulse) tells us this type of lust is ok. [Late edit: since being on this forum, I learned that even lust [i]in the bedroom [/i] isn't healthy either. Rather, the goal is healthy sexual attraction and interaction, utilized to bring us closer.]
This was right around Rosh Chodesh Nisan 2 years ago. I was then given a recording of a shiur about the hidden power of the Pesach Seder to overcome any yetzer hora (evil impulse or trait). I recommend downloading it from www.Jerusalempulseradio.com well before Pesach and listening to it twice so you can prepare properly and get the most out of this incredible power of the first Seder night. The title is "Higher order of the Seder." The speaker is Rabbi Yaakov Labinsky of Aish Hatorah. He explains how to use the four languages of redemption and the four cups of wine to free yourself from the bondage (avdus) of the yetzer hora to a new level of freedom (cheirus)*. It worked a miracle for me. I have had NO RELAPSES in the following 2 years. After a couple of months I unsubscribed to the emails and have, for the first time, assumed a normal life. My connection with Hashem continues to grow immensely, my learning is going much better, my home is more peaceful. For the first time since childhood, I am alive and well.
I am now ending the selfishness of not sharing my story and not helping others suffering with this addiction. To be honest, I did not feel qualified to help because I did not follow the whole 12-step program. I also wanted to move on and not get dragged back in. My approach worked for me. No approach works for everyone. If I can help one person, that would be a success. I will monitor this thread, and I can be reached by email if there's anything I can do.
*I've posted a synopsis of the shiur here: www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3750.0
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14 Jun 2017 01:37
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cordnoy
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It doesn't allow me to quote the first post. Perhaps because I so distant from these lofty ways. The post, however, would probably be helpful for some of the fellows.
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13 Jun 2017 21:58
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GrowStrong
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Shlomo24 wrote on 13 Jun 2017 21:19:
mikestruggling wrote on 13 Jun 2017 19:04:
welcome!!
you are probably an addict as everyone guessed. many of us are check out the twenty tools. i had the most benefit from face to face meetings and now making a few phone calls a day and listening to my sponsor (that's an SA thing)
it also helped me tons that i have a mentor from here who i can (and do) call often.
best of luck
I usually don't reply to these things, but I can't watch this on the sidelines. My experience has shown that labelling oneself an addict is an incredibly personal decision. No one could tell me I'm an addict. I needed to decide that for myself. I refrain from telling people what they are. I only call them a label if I know they already call themselves that.
All they are all doing here is validating his personal decision Shlomo.
As his opening post began in this thread 
I definitely am an addict.
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13 Jun 2017 21:52
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Shivisi_Hashem
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hashiveinu wrote on 11 Jun 2017 03:41:
hi. im new to gye. ive been learning in kollel for over 5 years and im considered a ben torah. my struggle started when i was about 14 when i was introduced to these toll free phone numbers... until i was about 20 years old i would look at inappropriate pictures, fantasize, and was mz"l. eventually i stopped being mz"l and have not done it in the past 10 years. however, i still will have tekufos where i would let loose and watch porn for a week or 2 straight. although i officially have great filters, i find ways one way or another. when i cant get access i find myself fantasizing. i can have months that im clean but then i fall again. it really interferes with my learning and i feel stupid that people consider me a choshive yungerman. the double life is killing me. i dont know if im considered an "addict" being that i was able to conquer the urge to be mz"l but i am well aware that i have a hard time controlling my eyes and thoughts. as many kabolos etc i make i always end up slipping up again. i would appreciate any advice and help that can be offered.
Welcome Hashiveinu!
yes, you are at the right place, and just follow us old-timers! we are doing great here, so you can too.
my best practice was, working with a partner, he is great! and I'm doing great! just one fall, which just got me stronger, but I'm clean from any porn etc for over 2 and half months, having problems are not making you as a loser, we are all human, and we just need to work on our selfs.
hang around, don't leave, we will help you.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean!
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