wow more than a year since i last shared.

Working a few months with my mucker sponsor i got the 1st time to step 9.
The 2 amends i made where an experience. i never thought i would/could talk to a person with such open humility. the program really works.

I'm still struggling to surrender the right to lust.
"seriously? cant i enjoy myself when i neeeeeeed to"?
interesting question! lets remember how i feel after the (so called) enjoyment?
don't i hate my self? don't i feel low, empty, guilty? not sure. i will need to try it out (test number 23 thousand), to decide what i really want from myself.
going to therapy for the last few years has taught me the ability to feel (i'm not very sophisticated yet but i am already atleast a 10 year old emotionally - wow what an achievement)
One thing before i AO, being that i am b"H 4 days sober i don't want to throw away my achievement, i commit not to act out before calling another member

Cute?

I'm 4000 posts cute

Read bardchevs battle

You'll see how cute I am

Please keep on trucking is a battle plan

KOT!!

B

That is precisely the point.
If you wanna hide from it - that is fine.
But those of us who are addicted (I am; don't know about you) need to accept the fact that this struggle/fight/challenge/issue will always be with us. Always! We need to obtain the tools, the ammunition, the weaponry, the understandin' of the battle in order for us to remain in sobriety/recovery for this moment.

In my thread, I was very concerned about this for a while. How could it be? 765 days, and then whammo! And even more so I realized that when that whamo hits, you might not even remember the 765 and one can fall lower than before. This was explained to me. I now know not to think of this at all, for it is none of my damn business. My business is the present, not the past and not the future.

And one last thought. There are many people here who speak about the yetzer hara and his ways of enticin' us to do stuff, and I will not get into my opinions on that right now, but one thing I could tell you (again, just imho), when one starts thinkin' about the past and the future and how can one fall after so many days, and what am i gonna do about it, and is it all worth it, and can I handle it.....all that is certainly the atsas hayetzer and one should run da hell away from those stuff.

b'hatzlachah

wow more than a year since i last shared.

One thing before i AO, being that i am b"H 4 days sober i don't want to throw away my achievement, i commit not to act out before calling another member

going to therapy for the last few years has taught me the ability to feel (i'm not very sophisticated yet but i am already atleast a 10 year old emotionally - wow what an achievement)

That is precisely the point.
If you wanna hide from it - that is fine.
But those of us who are addicted (I am; don't know about you) need to accept the fact that this struggle/fight/challenge/issue will always be with us. Always! We need to obtain the tools, the ammunition, the weaponry, the understandin' of the battle in order for us to remain in sobriety/recovery for this moment.

In my thread, I was very concerned about this for a while. How could it be? 765 days, and then whammo! And even more so I realized that when that whamo hits, you might not even remember the 765 and one can fall lower than before. This was explained to me. I now know not to think of this at all, for it is none of my damn business. My business is the present, not the past and not the future.

And one last thought. There are many people here who speak about the yetzer hara and his ways of enticin' us to do stuff, and I will not get into my opinions on that right now, but one thing I could tell you (again, just imho), when one starts thinkin' about the past and the future and how can one fall after so many days, and what am i gonna do about it, and is it all worth it, and can I handle it.....all that is certainly the atsas hayetzer and one should run da hell away from those stuff.

b'hatzlachah

Sponsor added that i start the day with 5 gratitudes.

daily work:
start the day with 5 gratitudes.
Read doctors opinion
Call sponsor
call 3-4 fellows each day

Weekly work:
Meeting (3 x per week)