rocky21 wrote on 21 Mar 2025 08:34:

Always nice to see you around and fighting.

Feelings are normal. And feeling a desire for a physical connection is also normal. One of G-ds ways of making sure we get married and don't camp out for life in our man cave with a bottomless keg and a flat screen tv the size of the kotel. 

If you're not struggling with acting out in person then it's probably best to acknowledge the feeling, recognize you're normal and it's a normal feeling, accept that while you feel that way it's not something you will engage in prior to marriage, and then move on without thinking about it too much.

Edit: and remembering that you've posted about interactions with some of your female coworkers, being extra stringent in some way in those interactions might be a good geder. But that's a question you should discuss with a Rav/experienced mentor who knows you and where you are holding in all areas.

Keep on rocking!

Half way to 90

50 days clean ladies and gentlemen bh!

53 days were I didn't watch anything inappropriate or jerk a fat one as they say
It's getting tough ngl

Rocky 

Your a tzadik, keeping being an inspiration to everyone!!

54 days clean 
And tbh so far don't feel any changes of this amazing freedom everyone speaks of because even tho I'm not watching I'm forr sureee not free from wanting to watch and battling every second of the day so ya it's not fun 
At least when you watch you got some enjoyment 
Again this is probably just my shlong talking but ha

Rocky, it's always so inspiring to see you on your feet and fighting.

I just want to share an idea with you that may be helpful. There's a very famous idea from the chafetz chaim. They asked the Chafetz Chaim. Chazal said the manna in the dessert tasted like whatever the eater wanted it to taste like. So they asked the CC, what did the manna taste like if you didn't think of anything? The CC answered, "If you don't think, you don't taste." 

Absolutely powerful idea. If you don't think about things you don't truly experience them. If you don't try to view yourself as leaving Mitzrayim then you don't automatically get that perspective. Some, or even most, sophisticated pleasures take active effort to truly enjoy.

What I'm trying to say is for sure on some level it's "not fun." But try to consciously tap in to the level where it is fun.

Reading the Battle of the Generation can be very helpful for this. Finding times where it feels good to be clean and focusing on them is crucial. Whether that's done through bringing yourself to a recognition that you're building yourself in a positive way, a feeling of closeness to Hashem, or just a recognition that porn does nothing for you (check out Mindshift btw - link below) it's something that you need to work on feeling. 

But that feeling is there, and it's accessible. With just a bit of thinking. 

Let's step back on talk about the broader picture. If you're battling every second of the day between something you enjoy and something you "can't" do, the enjoyment is probably going to win eventually. It's crucial to reframe this for long term success. "There's two things I like, and you know what? One of them doesn't do much but numb me for a bit and feels good for about two seconds before feeling like a loser." That perspective is one that doesn't leave you in a "battle" your whole life. Of course, what you reframe the picture to is up to you. TBOTG and perhaps Mindshift are very useful to gain the correct way of looking at it. I personally also like Dov's 12 step lectures as providing a more sustainable viewpoint.

Two other tools that are extremely useful in actively reframing. That is changing your vocabulary and by disputing irrational beliefs. These are two powerful tools to use to actively change the picture. But again, you also need to know what you are changing the picture into.

To summarize. You just can't let yourself sit in a battle all your life. Battling is important, but long term you need to look at the whole picture in a way that's not a constant struggle. You can learn new ways of looking at this parsha, and then actively tap into experiencing a more pleasant existence by being clean.

Hatzlacha!

Ok well this is embarrassing because as Ben hashem said the worst day sober is better then the best day as a addicted and here I am after falling unfortunately feeling like a sack of shi#
It so anoying you fight and you fight and you claw your way to a nother victory after a nother and nothing really feels different until you slip and loose that one day and that one day wipes away your beautiful streak your put in hours fighting and then pooof it's gone your back at zero and you feel/are a looser.
Is it fair absolutely not this one slip this one slip is stronger then 56 days of straight winning but thats just the way hashem wanted it to be go figure 

So I'm just sitting here thinking out loud "here goes another try" 
Because I've been fighting this for like a year and a half now and I've only fallen like 8 times in total but guess what the streak of 73 or of 56 or if 45 or of the other 39 doesn't matter because I'm back at 0 
It's hell you take a bolder and your pushing it up the mountain day after day after day and one little slip sets the bolder crushing all the done for you to start over. It truly is hell having to look back all the why you still have to go

And I know some people will say "no you did fall all the way down you just slipt" matter of fact is I'm at 0 that's the beginning and I got to get to 90 

Wish me luck because after every fall I become sader and loose more will to live then before 

Thanks for reading 

rocky21 wrote on 05 Apr 2025 17:26:

This 

rocky21 wrote on 05 Apr 2025 17:26:

Everything you’re saying is so familiar...  It’s like you’ve captured every bit of nonsense our brains throw at us after a fall, and it all feels so painfully true when we’re in it...
I don't think I can say anything that will change how you feel right now - because nothing people said to me helped me much either after a fall, even if I agreed in theory with what they were saying...
But one thing that did help, was to remind myself that I should NOT trust my thoughts after a fall. That all the thoughts of yiush in my head may only be meaningless brain fog not grounded in reality, and therefore, I should just blindly force myself to get back up, even if voices in my head are screaming "why try?".
And it worked. The first days were hard and counterintuitive - I felt like I was a robot doing things that don't make sense.
But after a few good days, my normal mind was back (sort of), and I was cruising again...  

rocky21 wrote on 05 Apr 2025 17:26:

Dude. Very sorry to hear about the fall. But it's not about the streak. It's about living life.

If I had gotten to a point where I was only masturbating 8 times a year as a single guy I would have put myself on a pedestal and started worshiping myself as the god of self control. But that's really besides the point. The point is that perhaps you should take your eyes off of the shot clock and try to find some contentment in each day of being clean.

I appreciate everyone who responded 
Something I realized is tbag I really care about the streak like I'm 98% more likely to fail after a fall because I have no streak to protect 
Is like that a lot in my life also the daf yomai I did it for a year straight missed one day was terrible missed a second one a month later and now I've missed a lot 
What is this thing for streaks and how can I see the real reason to stop or to be more exact why do I not care about the reason to stop and more about the streak

rocky21 wrote on 06 Apr 2025 18:45:

Very normal. It's kinda just the way people are wired.

Taking time to focus on motivation can be helpful. There's a hierarchy of values worksheet in Flight to Freedom that is pretty great. Maybe writing a letter to yourself about why you want to quit and pulling it out when you need a boost. 

I think the main purpose of the streak is to provide a little tangibility to being clean. We like that. But then use the time to focus on inner change.

One common problem is not really having a reason to quit. We intellectually want to quit but don't feel it. Feelings are often more powerful than thoughts, and feeling positive about being clean is crucial. The Battle of the Generation is a great way of increasing your feeling of enjoying actively staying clean.