BenHashemBH wrote on 09 Jan 2025 15:36:

Very well said; 

Just to add, R' Zechariah Wallerstien Zatza"l would always say, that if hashem would've decided that someone is not needed for one particular day {some times people tend to think that hashem may need them in general throught his life, but not every single day is his day...} then that guy wouldn't be put on pause for a day, or just sleep through the extra 24 hours, rather he would cease to exist, there would be a nice funeral and that's the end.

Because even sleeping through the day, must mean that hashem intended it to be that way, when Choiny Hamagel slept for 70 years, there was a need that hashem had for Choiny's sake to be sleeping all those years, not for hashem's sake just for Choiny's sake, because had there not been a need for the actual sleep, he wouldn't have been sleeping, he would've left this world altogether.

I actually think we are all saying the same thing with different words:grinning:

Checking in on this hungry Friday morning.

Mostly clean week. Had a little slip and fall at the end of the day yesterday for no good reason. To look on the bright side, it was without much porn. I always find it's easier to bounce up from a fall without porn - porn has a much stronger pull for me.

Worked incredibly little this week - I'm very burnt out and bored at work. B"h managed to stay clean for most of the week despite that. But I know it's not a healthy situation long term. I have a plan to blast through a huge task in the next ten days and then reevaluate. Plan was supposed to start today but it's 11:30 and I'm just sitting down to it. So it goes. We'll see what happens.

Other than that life goes on. 

Caught myself in a funny thing the other day. Was getting started to be together with my wife when she ended up in a situation where there was some niddah shaila. I was thinking about and found myself saying to myself "well at this point if we don't go ahead I'll probably masturbate g-d forbid." It's funny bc I just had a post up here the other day pointing out a story demonstrating how ridiculous that thought process is. 

I still ended up being moreh heter. It was definitely not a situation where there was an issur (at least, according to my very bribed thinking) but probably a baal nefesh would have been machmir, and I myself likely would have stopped to ask a shaila if I was in a better place. Oh well, can't afford to beat myself up.

Such high hopes for the planned schedule. Alas.

There's always tomorrow.

Getting to a point where I feel ridiculous that I'm in a slump. Oh well.

chosemyshem wrote on 13 Jan 2025 23:14:

I admire how you keep your posting up even in the mire. It's a chizuk to me

richtig wrote on 13 Jan 2025 23:47:

Just unloaded on the vaad last night about this. It's been tough for me to stay honest this round since I feel like I've got a reputation and don't want to drag it in the mud. Trying to not let that get in my way.

chosemyshem wrote on 14 Jan 2025 13:54:

On the contrary!
I have greater respect for you when you are honest about regular human desires. It is so inspiring that you keep putting in the work to improve!
THank You!!!

chosemyshem wrote on 14 Jan 2025 13:54:

Why is having a difficult yetzer hara, a stira to being holy! 

(By the way, I always thought that my personal life issues, parnassah/chinuch etc were directly tied to my shmiras habris issues. They weren't. When I got clean, I lost my job!!!! . So why should ruchniyos problems be directly tied to it. You have a shmiras habris challenge and you may also have a davening/learning challenge)

Wishing you much hatzlacha

chosemyshem wrote on 14 Jan 2025 13:54:

Hey, here’s a hand. 
I am confident that you will get out of this, and keep growing. The journey isn’t over till we’re dead, but it changes. All in all it’s another rung on the ladder to heaven…

Just wanted to point out that the reputation to maintain, and the requirement for personal honesty, is a powerful tool, in and of itself. (Sometimes I wonder where I’d be holding if I didn’t have a rep to maintain, )

It’s altogether fitting, proper, and wise for us to use every tool that we have. 

Hang tight, 
אוהב ימים לראות טוב 

odyossefchai wrote on 14 Jan 2025 14:47:

I actually thought like that as well!
It may still be true. The sefarim speak of great reward in Oilam Haze and oilam haba for being oimed bnisoyon. ( there was actually a Vyimoen video a while back that quoted Harav Don Segel Shlita who said the best segula for parnassah is shmiras einayim.)

I was thinking about that recently. With all my current difficulties I am dealing with right now outside of kedusha, I wondered where is all the good things promised for those who are working and trying to grow in kedusha. I then reminded myself that Yosef Hatzadik stood up to the hardest nisoyon anyone can ever face. (See the medrash tanchuma for more details on how difficult it was) What happened to him when he passed? No great reward. He ONLY got locked up in prison for 12 years! He only got great things years later...! The point is that hashem will give all these things promised for staying strong at time of his choosing. (which is really the best time for us as well).

It is also possible that Hashem still wants more from us so he is trying to encourage to go further.
(maybe both is true).

I can confirm that shmiras eynayim and shmiras habris will not lead to wealth. If your consolation is that it will eventually come more than a decade down the line, then you need to find a different source of motivation because there’s only so long you can hold on to the hope that the manna will rain down from the heavens.

Also, I’m pretty sure that Yosef achieved greatness in mitzrayim because Hashem fulfilled his dreams and it was His plan all along for him and it had nothing to do with his withstanding the temptation of Mrs. Potifar. 

Don’t do this for the wrong reasons. You will be let down.

Don’t do this for the wrong reasons. You will be let down.The double edged sword of Vayimaen.



I thought today I finally heard a Vayimaen I could get behind. The one by R' Elchonon Jacobovitz "Until the Buzzer Sounds". Nice story about Tony the boxer and a gevaldig vort from the baal shem tov. All about not giving up and keep on picking yourself off the ground. I can dig that. 



And then (ironically) he blew it at the end by saying "Just stay on your feet until Mashiach comes soon".



So when Mashiach doesn't come tomorrow I can masturbate?



(Ayin the famous story w/ R' Yaakov and the guy who wanted to become frum because of mashiach.)



Doing better today b"h. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes having interesting things to do at work. 

Bennyh wrote on 14 Jan 2025 18:06:

 WRONG.
see
תרגום אונקלוס ויחי פרק מט פסוק כג
and רש"י

Gonna try to check in daily for the next 30.

Today was good. Busier and more interesting at work and that's a huge help. Been trying this week to do 10 minutes of exercise a day. Hope to get that in tonight too and maybe that'll help.