A funny story from this Shabbos.

There I am, toddling along to shul for mincha. I'm barely awake from my nap. 

The streets are bustling and I'm having a tough time. I'm almost at shul, and I've already told my brain I'm not looking at the woman jumping rope in the street just to see if she's good at it, I don't need to see the interesting dress that woman is wearing, and I'm not looking at this cute girl walking this way. 

So I'm doin' okay, tryin' to keep my head down, when out of the corner of my eye I spot a woman walking in distance and something about her catches my eye. I force my head to stay down and try to distract myself. Up pipes my brain, "No don't check her out, but there was something interesting about her." I ain't dumb enough to fall for this one brain.

I catch another glimpse and my brain's like "dude just look at her." Brain I was not born yesterday do not try these cheap tricks. 

So there I am, arguing with myself, when the lady I'm arguing with myself about waves to me.

It was my sister.


I hadn't really looked, and I wasn't expecting to see her on that side of town, but I guess catching her in my peripheral vision I sorta recognized her, but instead of realizing I assumed I was just trying to justify looking at a woman.

Boy did I feel dumb. 

Relatedly, I was listening to a shuir about shmiras einayim and tznuis and I realized I have no concept of what normal people's struggles with shmiras einayim are like.

This is the stuff of צדיקים! Why would you feel dumb when you actually succeeded in guarding your eyes!

You should be exceedingly proud of yourself, as I am of you! You're a role model for many things, brother, chief amongst them, your tenacity.....


KOMT!!!!!
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 09 Sep 2024 19:10:

I don't feel dumb I guarded my eyes. If I hadn't seen her I would be happy.

I feel dumb I was so lost in fighting with myself in my head that I didn't recognize her. Unfortunately that's where I'm at now and I'll keep on slugging.

chosemyshem wrote on 09 Sep 2024 19:05:

A "funny" story?!  An INCREDIBLE story!!

I think that is the correct way to walk in the street and GYE. That you don't recognize a woman who is across the street, or walking by.

Lol once I was walking down the street with my head down and I passed my mother in law! She called my name and I had to stay and talk. But bh i also passed the test.

Not wanting to look at your Mother In Law? Now that's a madriegah one can only aspire to!

Why d'you feel dumb? 
You were great!
I once walked straight past my wife on the other side of the street without seeing who she was till she called me.
But aint that great, she saw me the time I wasnt checking out other women, its gotta be good for sholom bayis 

 seems all the shmutz goes down "on the way to shul"
maybe put together a minyan in your house.

or maybe shabbos is the issue,
try staying homebound on shabbos.

i personally hate shabbos when all the sexy girls emerge from there cocoon.

cande wrote on 10 Sep 2024 00:57:

The problem is not out there. It's not "on the way to shul" and it's not "Shabbos".
It's in Shem (for the sake this thread), in me, in all of us.

If we stay home, the harem will follow us there.

thompson wrote on 10 Sep 2024 13:49:

It is interesting all the interesting stories happen on Shabbos. Though it makes sense - it's different than the routine so different things happen.

I have considered locking myself in a box with 3 challos and a bottle of bourbon to wait out the shabbos, but it turns out that unless I figure out a way to leave my hands out of the box it wouldn't help much. (Would've been really great for avoiding accidental chillul shabbos tho.)

chosemyshem wrote on 10 Sep 2024 15:09:

I've actually experimented a couple of times with some slight modifications.

I didn't lock myself in a box, just drank lots of bourbon. 60% of the time it works every time.

Checking in.

This week has been smoother than last week. Trying to feel the joy of being clean, and it's kicking in every now and then. I made a slight change in schedule for Elul and it's in the "beginning is a gift" stage. So been a pretty good week so far.

Yesterday, at the end of the work day I was checking the news. Got randomly triggered by a picture and physically felt a wave of lust wash over me from head to toe. Searched for more, but b"h the filter stopped me.

I need to remind myself that I use wizimage for a reason. I'm so wired to act out that a simple picture in the news can be a double shot of lust. Committing bl"n to not unblock the full page of images on any news site. If I need to see a specific picture, I'll wait a second to confirm I need to see it and then open that picture. Would be nice if I could cut down on news, but I feel like (for me in my specific situation) that's opening a new front in the battle now that I'm not ready for.

My friend. Reading about your battles, the ups, the downs, the celebrations, the insight you bring to the forums, and the way you never give up is awe inspiring. You are a fighter of the finest sort, and personally, I have very little doubt, that you will eventually win to the extent that even you will admit it. Keep on inspiring us all!

chosemyshem wrote on 12 Sep 2024 15:33:

It is really the same front. Many people have found that cutting out the imagined need to follow news is a game changer. Unless Biden, Putin, and Netanyahu call for someone's input, it appears they will continue doing their thing without our wisdom....  Try one week of not using technology as a time killer. Use Internet for real necessity only. You may find a level of menuchas hanefesh you didn't realize existed. You will also be sparing yourself from hearing many doses of kefirah, leitzanus, and apikorsus.  I do not know of anyone who regretted taking such a break. Hatzlocha. If you are bored, come visit.