Welcome, Guest
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: My First Fall 1021 Views

My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 09:09 #384149

  • NewAgain
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 79
  • Karma: 7
Well, Let the tough part begin. I just joined GYE less than a week ago. I was full of disgust and shame over my actions over the past years, and I was ready to commit to HaShem and break the chains of my Yetza Hara. While I was full of shame and disgust, I also had hope. With this program and increased and focused davening, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

Days 1 through 3 were easy enough as the shame and the hope combined to get me through. Day four became a little more challenging as the excitement and the disgust disappeared somewhat. Day 5 was going along fine until about 4 pm when a single image on the TV changed everything. I went from having a productive and relaxing shabbos to falling into the rabbit hole in an instant. The moment the feeling came over me, I tried in vain to shake the image from my mind, but it came out of nowhere and came so fast. I never had a chance. I was alone, the computer was sitting next to me, and a few minutes later, the shame and the guilt are back, my 4-day streak was over, and I am back to square one.

And now it is Sunday morning around 5 am, and feeling lower than I did before I started. I am thankful that I have this forum to get these thoughts out . But I can't believe that I messed this up so soon. This is not going to be easy...

Re: My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 13:20 #384156

  • vehkam
  • Current streak: 1109 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1143
  • Karma: 237
Hopeful2022 wrote on 31 Jul 2022 09:09:
Well, Let the tough part begin. I just joined GYE less than a week ago. I was full of disgust and shame over my actions over the past years, and I was ready to commit to HaShem and break the chains of my Yetza Hara. While I was full of shame and disgust, I also had hope. With this program and increased and focused davening, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

Days 1 through 3 were easy enough as the shame and the hope combined to get me through. Day four became a little more challenging as the excitement and the disgust disappeared somewhat. Day 5 was going along fine until about 4 pm when a single image on the TV changed everything. I went from having a productive and relaxing shabbos to falling into the rabbit hole in an instant. The moment the feeling came over me, I tried in vain to shake the image from my mind, but it came out of nowhere and came so fast. I never had a chance. I was alone, the computer was sitting next to me, and a few minutes later, the shame and the guilt are back, my 4-day streak was over, and I am back to square one.

And now it is Sunday morning around 5 am, and feeling lower than I did before I started. I am thankful that I have this forum to get these thoughts out . But I can't believe that I messed this up so soon. This is not going to be easy...

thanks for posting.  it is helpful when you put your feelings into writing.  It is even more helpful when you post them and share them with a bunch of guys that really want to help.

Please don't think for a second that you are back to square one.  The effort that you are putting in does not go away when you have a fall.  Try to view each fall as a learning experience.  Do not let that feeling of "lower that i did before i started" linger.  Some would say that the yetzer hara getting into your head after a fall is worse than the yetzer hara of the fall itself! so you definitely want to avoid that depressed feeling.  On the other hand i hope that you will use the dissappointment to motivate yourself to get right back up and continue to resist the temptations of the yetzer hara.  Every time you resist is a success and you should recognize that and celebrate it.  

Please consider reading the book The Challenge of the Generation by Hillel S.  I found that it helped with my perspective in this struggle and i have gained tremendously from reading a chapter every night.  I will iyh finish this week for the third time and look foward to starting the book again.

best wishes for continued success
vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 13:21 #384157

Welcome to the fight! A couple of thoughts:

1) You nailed it with your last sentence-it's not going to be easy. But as I heard from an incredible real-life warrior whom I'll leave unnamed "If life is easy, you're living it wrong." It's not going to even get easier for a while. But take it one day at a time. Never get caught up in thinking "I have so many more days to make it to 90" or "I'm feeling so powerless right now, there's no way I'll make it to tomorrow without falling." Take it slow and steady, day by day, even hour by hour if need be. You can do this.

2) You are NOT lower than when you started. You're climbing a mountain, and if you face a challenging obstacle that you don't pass on your first try, that doesn't mean you've fallen back to the base of the mountain. You're still at (to pick a number at random) 500 feet up. It just means fighting more to get to 600, and there's no shame in that. 

3) It would be unspeakably helpful to 1) filter whatever device you fell on, and 2) get a partner on GYE, especially 1 more than 2. 2 is a luxury, 1 is a necessity. There's no chance of changing for good if you're a few clicks away from porn whenever the lust hits. Here are some options: guardyoureyes.com/protection

And here's the partner program: guardyoureyes.com/tools/partner-program?view=accounts

4) Lastly-keep writing on GYE! It's a terrific way to get your thoughts out, and most importantly, it lets you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS BATTLE. We're all together in this. And you will win. Remember that. Keep fighting!
"It ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can GET hit,
and keep moving forward,
how much you can TAKE,
and keep moving forward.
That's how winning is done!"



Last Edit: 31 Jul 2022 13:21 by fighterwithfire. Reason: A-B 1-2

Re: My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 17:28 #384167

  • asherbacharbanu
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Imagine life as a race where each day is another mile run.  If I told you that someone ran 4 miles, slipped and fell and continued the race--would you say he's any further back than the starting line?  Of course not!  He's still 4 miles away from the start, and no matter how many times he falls he will never be as far back as when he decided to start the race!  If you made it four days--Mazal Tov! You ran four miles, and you're four miles away from a point in your life; four miles that you can never lose!  Do not be discouraged, rather use the chizzuk and continue the race! 

Your Yetzer Hara tries to fool you to thinking you're worse off because you fell.  This couldn't be further from the truth!  Just keep getting up and knowing you're forever going to be in a better place than you were before starting this race.  And know you're running with Hashem and all of Klal Yisroel on your team!

Re: My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 18:07 #384168

  • Markz
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 8283
  • Karma: 427
AsherBacharBanu wrote on 31 Jul 2022 17:28:
Imagine life as a race where each day is another mile run.  If I told you that someone ran 4 miles, slipped and fell and continued the race--would you say he's any further back than the starting line?  Of course not!  He's still 4 miles away from the start, and no matter how many times he falls he will never be as far back as when he decided to start the race!  If you made it four days--Mazal Tov! You ran four miles, and you're four miles away from a point in your life; four miles that you can never lose!  Do not be discouraged, rather use the chizzuk and continue the race! 

Your Yetzer Hara tries to fool you to thinking you're worse off because you fell.  This couldn't be further from the truth!  Just keep getting up and knowing you're forever going to be in a better place than you were before starting this race.  And know you're running with Hashem and all of Klal Yisroel on your team!

Welcome A.B.B!

Nice to have you with us. 

Whats gonna happen if he watches porn for 4 days, does that put him back to step one - how does it work. 
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: My First Fall 31 Jul 2022 21:46 #384173

  • asherbacharbanu
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Nope! My analogy still stands strong! Once u start the race there is no way to go backwards. Falling down while running doesn’t revert you backwards. It simply means u fell; even if you fell 100 times you wouldn’t magically teleport to the before the starting line.  The very fact that you decided one day to start this journey means you will never be in the same place again. 

You can try to use logical arguments to ruin my analogy (arguments that I very easily answered). Or you can just take the analogy and try to better yourself and those on this forum. I strongly suggest the latter, but I do appreciate the honest questioning! 

Re: My First Fall 01 Aug 2022 01:53 #384181

  • Markz
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 8283
  • Karma: 427
AsherBacharBanu wrote on 31 Jul 2022 21:46:
Nope! My analogy still stands strong! Once u start the race there is no way to go backwards. Falling down while running doesn’t revert you backwards. It simply means u fell; even if you fell 100 times you wouldn’t magically teleport to the before the starting line.  The very fact that you decided one day to start this journey means you will never be in the same place again. 

I agree 100%!

Definitely - You turned a new page and started any program of recovery, there’s no turning back. 
You have a valid point.

However you seemed to say something else in your previous message. 
I understood your words in the context of 90 day chart (forgive me if I’m being too literal which occasionally happens - out of my control )

Lets say someone joins gye and counts days, but hasn’t started any gye program, or SA program, or therapy etc, I don’t follow how we are boosting his morale by saying to him when he has let’s say a monthly 4 day clean streak 
“You ran four miles, and you're four miles away from a point in your life; four miles that you can never lose!” [even if you fall…]

What may he have lost, that you’re trying to save him from?

Of course any clean day is a prize, you can’t take away!
In this day and age, each day can be a new struggle…


Yet if one of our brothers here fell after 5 days, the chizuk I’d tell him is not “you have 5 days clean and when you restart counting you should start from day 6”. 

Rather “Brother, Sorry to hear you’re back to day 1, and your constant struggle in getting a clean streak. I’m clean thank Gd because these x,y,z steps have proven to help me… If you need anything - we are here for you 24/90”!

Thoughts ?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: My First Fall 01 Aug 2022 02:20 #384184

  • Markz
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 8283
  • Karma: 427
Hopeful2022 wrote on 29 Jul 2022 10:16:
Hello,

I am new here. I tried GYE a few years ago and failed miserably. I am hoping for a better result this time. I am uncomfortable sharing personal information with people in general, especially something of this nature, so forgive me if I am slow to share.

My story is not unique. I am married and have children, and porn has replaced intimacy with my wife. We have not been intimate in over a year, even though I masturbate daily. The porn is getting deeper and darker as I find myself looking beyond "normal" porn and falling into the pit of much more extreme types of porn. The more I look, the darker it gets. I have known that it has been a problem for a long time, but when I would stop in the middle of davening and turn on the computer and masturbate, I knew that I had to do something. My wife has no idea and thinks that I have just lost interest in here, which is very sad. 


Ouch, this sounds really tough!!
Is your marriage on the rocks because of this?

If your story was unique and no one would understand you and no one can help you and you’re doomed, then yeah staying stuck can seem to be the only solution.

​But you said your story is not unique!

You asked for forgiveness. 
Can I make a suggestion and if you take it you’ll be granted full forgiveness!

Im not a big shmoozer, but I have spoken to a few gye friends over the phone and also met a couple of them too!

THEY DON’T BITE!!!!!

Here’s my suggestion. Drop me a Private Message and I’ll be happy to have a chat with you. It’ll help you break the ice and break your fear of reaching out, and then you’ll get your free forgiveness pass!

Deal?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2022 02:43 by Markz.

Re: My First Fall 01 Aug 2022 10:06 #384191

  • NewAgain
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 79
  • Karma: 7
My marriage is not on the rocks over this. It is probably the only thing wrong with my marriage. My wife thinks the lack of intimacy results from my age, physical health, and overall lack of interest. 

My biggest concern right now is that I don't want her to know about GYE. I think (and I may be wrong) that it would cause more problems in my life if she knew I was involved in all this.

Thank you for offering to chat, and I may take you up on that. I don't think I am ready for that yet. I am still learning the ropes and even writing on this forum is difficult for me. The people reading this are the ONLY people I have told about this. This is already a leap of faith to join GYE. Knowing there are people willing to help is very comforting and gives me hope. 

Re: My First Fall 08 Aug 2022 15:58 #384452

  • Markz
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 8283
  • Karma: 427
Hopeful2022 wrote on 08 Aug 2022 13:56:
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. While the 5 days was great, it was also a time that I was completely disgusted with my actions and was excited about what GYE had to offer. The problem began to resurface in earnest about day 3, as the novelty and shame began to dissipate. I hung on for two more days and those are the days of which I was proudest. 
After this last weekend, I feel that I am lower than when I started, and the shame and disgust that I feel right now should get me through the next few days at least. If I can get to day 6 or beyond, that will be amazing.

I know that I need to build walls/doors/locks to the internet. that is where all my problems stem from. I have never cheated on my wife or been with a prostitute. Getting rid of my smartphone would help a great deal, but it is not practical in my life. I can and will get rid of my computer and iPad. 

What I have to done is fill my time with Torah and learning. I do not live in a frum area and have not been very observant in my life. I am surrounded by filth and have swam in its dirty waters for decades. I need to live a much more observant life in every aspect. I know what to do, I just can't seem to do it.. I am not giving up... What choice do I have??

Thanks for letting me ramble


Brother your story is gonna get lost if it’s on very different pages. I suggest you keep your story on 1 thread. Next time simply click ‘reply’ instead of creating a new thread.

Works for you?

Keep on Trucking bro 
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: My First Fall 10 Aug 2022 10:12 #384569

  • NewAgain
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 79
  • Karma: 7
Thank you. I am still learning the ropes! I will keep it on this page!

Two days clean and have a busy day three, so I hope and pray for a good clean day three!

Re: My First Fall 10 Aug 2022 15:20 #384574

  • NewAgain
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 79
  • Karma: 7
In the middle of a "scary" moment. I am alone and my wife just went out and that is when I have the most trouble. I feel good right now, have no urges and having a productive day at work (from home). I am just waiting for the next attack by the Yetzer Hara. Is he lulling me into complacency and then will leap, or is sensing that I am strong at the moment and knows he can't get me?

I am in day 3 of the latest streak and feeling good at the moment...

Hope everyone is having a strong, safe, clean day!

Re: My First Fall 10 Aug 2022 15:35 #384575

  • DeletedUser1224
  • Current streak: 399 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 138
  • Karma: 28
Keep up the fight! You can do it!!
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: My First Fall 10 Aug 2022 15:59 #384576

  • lchaim tovim
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 305
  • Karma: 22
Hopeful2022 wrote on 10 Aug 2022 15:20:
In the middle of a "scary" moment. I am alone and my wife just went out and that is when I have the most trouble. I feel good right now, have no urges and having a productive day at work (from home). I am just waiting for the next attack by the Yetzer Hara. Is he lulling me into complacency and then will leap, or is sensing that I am strong at the moment and knows he can't get me?

I am in day 3 of the latest streak and feeling good at the moment...

Hope everyone is having a strong, safe, clean day!

I find that by me, making all these calculations ("Is he lulling me into complacency and then will leap, or is sensing that I am strong at the moment and knows he can't get me") actually ends up making it harder for me, for it keeps the lust front and center. The best thing  is to stop obsessing, wondering making cheshbonos and just get busy with life and whatever tasks you have at hand.

Hope this helps.
Last Edit: 10 Aug 2022 15:59 by lchaim tovim.

Re: My First Fall 10 Aug 2022 18:48 #384582

  • Secu1988
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
i am at day 1 problems with Chatting with wrong ppl i hope to be strong
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
Time to create page: 0.84 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes