Hi Everyone,
Im not really in the mood of writing today as im in a post fall slump. But, im forcing myself to write anyway. 
I always had this question "How do i know im winning?" If i fall once a month? once in 2,3, months? Once a year? I need to feel like im winning so i can keep fighting........ 
After falling yesterday, i figured out the answer! 
You won when you you can get right back up! when the next day, you are right back where you left off before you started slipping, and you dont have to start doing everything from scratch.
You won when your mindset changed from 'this is not possible' to 'im never giving up anyway, i dont care how long this will take, its all the way till the grave for me' 
You won when you can tell yourself clearly ' i know exactly what i want and this is not what i want' you know your mission!
You won when you can look yourself in the mirror and tell  yourself 'I AM DOING EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF!' and be truthful!!!
I Know what mistakes i made that led to this fall (coming to the office alone because of a delivery, I should've stayed outside untill the delivery arrived, but didnt realize) But the main reason i fell is because i told myself a few times that day 'this is it, you cant win this time' THIS IS THE WORST THOUGHT! because there is no such a thing! There is always the option of running as far as you can from temptations! 
Anyway, onward and upward. Ive learned a few lessons and this will add to my arsenal IYH. 
THe main reason im writing this long rambling message is because I want to take a huge leap and make a promise to stay clean for 1,000 days! The reason im jumping is that i have 2 very important milestones in my life on that date and keeping those in mind will help tremendously! So im looking for someone to send me periodic reminders or some such things to keep on trucking and to remember what im fighting for!
Thank you for listening!

chancy wrote on 21 Jun 2022 19:57:

You’re welcome. 

Although that is not what I consider winning at all.It’s positive actions that count. I don’t have the time to explain more, I wish I could, maybe I should…

Kome On Trucking!

Hatzlocha on your planned goals. Perhaps you should bolster your long term goal with some short term commitments to help keep your eye on the prize.

Hatzlocha Rabah on the thousand day goal, I hope you make it! Make sure you celebrate the wins along the way.

​In terms of winning, I think you have to separate the battles from the war. Even if there are battles that you have lost, that doesn't mean that you are loosing the war. 

We could fight hundreds of battles a day while fighting this war. Each time you overcome, every time you don't look, you push off, you stop yourself, you cry and you daven you are winning the war, the war for your eyes.

Hatzlacha! What weapons do you have in your arsenal to fight the fight?

Ive been working on a few methods from teh lean to fly program here at GYE. 
So far the most promising one has been the Urge Surfing and Deffusion. Both are ACT methods, i even bought a great book on ACT and its been amazing. Total life altering stuff.

Markz wrote on 21 Jun 2022 20:18:

What do you mean by positive actions?
Do any of these count? 
1. Giving up watching goyishe movie's after being hooked for years
2. Giving up smartphone after years and years of having one
3. Giving up news sites after being an avid news reader for years
4. Putting whitelist filters on all computers? 
5. Going from weekly P&M to 1-2 times a year maybe? 

I just want to know what would be considered in your eyes as doing something? 
Thank God that you are not Him. 

I very much agree with you that stopping all these things are all great achievements and it means you are winning. And if you stay this way, you can say that you have won.

I am not here to explain @Markz, but I will say my own thoughts. If you keep with this mindset, it may end up being a struggle until the grave. I don't know what it is in 1000 days. But a conviction that I need to win this is not as powerful as when you understand what is on the other side. A life of purity and kedusha, a life of being able to walk on the street and not see things or think things I should not. I should be able to use an unfiltered device and have no interest to check up anything I should not. (I will never suggest doing such a thing, but this type of mindset.)

I will be very happy to have the conviction you have. But my end goal is beyond that. I hope not to struggle at some later point, be it 10 or 20 years down the line, but I am looking for that.

This is not a criticism and I admire your conviction and encourage you to keep with it. Just adding a point.

chancy wrote on 23 Jun 2022 19:49:

Awesome! You're ahead of me. I got stuck on the reasons for change,

You are stuck on reasons to change? 
I can give you the folloqing reasons. 
1. Im a holy Yid and a Son to the Almighty, who sent me on a mission to this earth to bring in holiness and spread his name in the name to make it hospitable for the Divine Presence (Shchina). 
2. I am a good person and dont want to hurt my wife and my kids or anyone else by doing these kinds of stuff. 
3. I am a good person and dont want to objectify anyone as i know that there is a person under that exterior body that im lusting after and i would hurt them if they knew what i think about them.
4. I wanna move on in life and focus my energies where i can grow myself both physically and spiritually.

These are just a few suggestions. Remember, the first thing you need to do is really think what do i want in life? why was i born? where can i get to? and how much is this addiction holding me back? You need to learn yourself first!

I agree with you 100%. the goal is to be holy and not need to fight forever. Its clear that the longer you stay clean and i mean completely clean, no thoughts or anything, it will get easier, But i think there always stays some sort of pull that if you let go, you can still fall quickly. 
" Al Taamin B'atzmacha ad yom moischa"

I just want you to know that every single time you tell the Y”H “no”, that is a win, and a huge win at that, and HaShem knows how hard it is and has tremendous Nachas.

Good luck on your 1000 days, but if you tell yourself anything negative or depressing if C”V you fail, it is not you speaking, but your Y”H.

I just want to update here. 
The last few weeks have been great. Ive been using my strategies from the Flight to Freedom program and ive seen great accomplishments. 
The last 2 days have been a bit harder since i went to the pool and i wanst prepared to fight, and i have urges today. 
However, im practicing the Urge Surfing method which showed me that they all pass, 
and the diffusion method where i learned to recognize the urge as something separate from me and understadning it and making room for it, but knowing that i dont need to act on it. 
Onward and upward!!

Hello everyone,
Im really amazed on how effective the F2F has been for me. Especially the diffusion and surf the urge methods. 
I can go days and weeks sometimes without getting really triggered (by which i mean aroused). Of coursre i still see lots of triggers but i know what they are and i know that this is not what i really want. I give the thought place and burn out and move on. 
Some days like today are a bit difficult as for some reason everything seems mighty fine to me today..... nothing is turning me off......... Im looking for something really ugly to wake up the disgust in me, but so far nothing. 
However, i know that this shall pass soon and even if i get aroused, i will not do anything and will just keep on moving. 
Nothing is stronger then then us when we really want to become holy! 

chancy wrote on 01 Aug 2022 17:36:

great attitude! Just keep feeding your desire to be holy and close to hashem!
best wishes for continued success
vehkam