Hello, I am TheNextStep. I have been a member here for a month and a half. I have tracked my 90 days progress (and falls) and listened to some audios, but have been nervous about posting on the forum. I haven't been able to get a streak longer than 8 days, and more recently, I've been struggling to get past 3 or 4, and so I decided now is the time to stop going in alone, and post. Well today, I am fighting those nerves, and am making this thread. As the saying goes, "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it’s connection."

My main goal is to post here every day or every second day, and give an update. I think a couple sentences or more should be fine, so that it isn't too daunting. I will also try to surf and post on the forum more often when I have time. Anyone interested can read my perhaps too-lengthy backstory below. If you skip it that's fine! Glad to finally join the forum and write this.

---[Lengthy Backstory]---

I found this website over a year ago, but didn't consider wasting seed to be a big issue back then, so I never joined. More recently I started thinking seriously about the sin of wasting seed, and also about marriage and started dating, and learned that in many ways the habit can harm a future marriage, since it does not just go away. Having a good future marriage, shalom bayis, etc, is my major motivation.

I joined the site near the end of January, and started using the 90 day counter. I thought, now that I'm serious, this counter should be enough and I should be able to just quit...with maybe one or two falls. Well, the first 3 days were easy, but shortly after 5 I found an excuse and had a fall. Then, 8 days (my best yet!), but again another fall. I had an idea that, if I continued falling, I would add more and more to my fight against it.

So I got into the audios, since I can listen at my job. I decided to save all of Rabbi Shafier's "The Fight" audios from this site, and pledged to listen to one a day at work. These were very helpful, but on weekends I didn't listen to any, and tended to have falls then.

Once I finished them, things started to get worse again. Now my streaks were down to 2-4 days. I decided something had to change, I can't just be passive listening to audio (or watching videos) about the issue. That is why I'm here looking to the forum for help. I changed my username to "TheNextStep" to sort of mark the change.

I think I've identified a major underlying issue for me, which is I am very good at rationalizing. For example, you'll notice in my story that I've focused on wasting seed. That was my only original goal, but for the first month or so I had convinced myself that I could still look at explicit material. Please don't make fun of me for this, I know the name of this website...haha. (I also found out today that "Intentionally viewing improper sites" counts as a fall, so I've been doing it wrong.) There was a second issue with...I'll try to put it vaguely...improper touching but not finishing. This is playing with fire for one, but it also undermines the purpose of the 90 day challenge, since I was still partially maintaining a bad habit. If you read all that, thank you.

---[End of Lengthy Backstory]---

Rationalizing that, since wasting seed was my only mission, therefore things adjacent to it (like seeking improper material) were acceptable as long as I didn't cross the line, was the major cause of my unfortunately short streaks. I will be entering this next step without holding those as acceptable, and properly counting seeking illicit sites as falls. Finally, I made a pledge with a friend not to do it for a week, and that I will reward myself with ice cream if I can reach that mark.

Tonight marks the first day clean with the new pledge. I will be back tomorrow and for the next few months to log updates. I am open to suggestions.
Thanks, TheNextStep.

Welcome. Nice 1st post

Welcome! Great post!

Welcome! Hatzlocha.

Thank you for all the welcomes, it definitely helps to know it's not just me here.

Day #2
Not much trouble today, though I had some stressful moments and I am very tired. This could lead to some weakness tonight but I think I can overcome it. I wrote a list of things I can do instead if I get tempted and put it next to me bed (read, meditate, go to GYI, get up out of bed if tempted). Not too worried, but I have that to reach for just in case.

Day #3
I appreciate all the "thank you"s, it is motivating.

Last night was little difficult, but it was interesting. Actually drawing the line and not seeking illicit material really made a world of difference. Temptation and pull to waste seed was far lower. Though, I did get up out of bed at one point to be safe.

So far it's slow and steady. I think the weekend, especially Sunday night before work has been a weak point for me before now so I will have to think of something for then.

Tomorrow I will look through the forums some more to keep things in mind. For now, I have to sleep. 

Why is Sunday night more difficult? Is it because you are depressed/sad about having to go back to work? If so, it is possible that simply making sure to have music playing on Sunday nights will help put you in a better frame of mind….

Yes, it is because of stress the night before going back to work. Thanks for the suggestion of music, I will try it, or something similar. 

TheNextStep wrote on 15 Mar 2022 17:38:

You can also try GYE's new hotline for some great recording and tools to help with the stress... 646-493-6600

Great please report back on what works for you. It is great that you are developing an awareness.

Day #5

Thank you for all the suggestions. I added the GYI hotline to the list near by bed to reach for if I feel tempted.

I don't know if it's a solution necessarily, but I have noticed that temptation harder to deal with when I'm tired. This could be going to bed or waking up.

This morning, I laid in bed for too long and had such an issue, but I overcame it by standing up to start my day before I went too far. Getting enough sleep has been a life long issue, and I'm not sure if I can fight that one right now, but perhaps pay more attention to it. As for mornings, I think I have to get out of bed sooner, as I lay there for too long. Maybe I can find something to encourage me to start the day.

Anyway, I'm going to bed! I am quite happy with my progress, and I am still relistening to Rabbi Shafier's "The Fight" audios at work to keep the fight in mind.

Day #6

I was able to get out of bed this morning, rather than laying for half an hour or so like usual. Not in bed means not in the place where it's easiest to fall. In fact, I've been this slothful in the morning and wanting to overcome it for a couple of months now, so this is quite a meaningful small victory for me. I will try getting up right away again tomorrow.

Today was something of a low temptation day, but I'll stay serious about the fight, especially with the weekend and more spare time coming.

I think that's all for today.

Day #8!


I reached "Level 3" on the chart and got the cool coin with the black border. I have only ever made it to 8 days once, and it was a month or so ago. As long as I stay clean tonight and tomorrow, I will reach 9 days for the first time!

I can thank this success to I believe 3 things.

1. No more seeking material. Finally making the decision that P was a fall as well as wasting seed. (Thereby removing the temptation of P that led to falls, and feeling better about myself because I actually value guarding my eyes.)
2. Making a promise to a friend not to do it for a week. (I think now that the week is over, I should renew the promise next time I talk to my friend!)
3. Making this thread and finally sharing my journey out of this old habit of mine, as well as keeping regular updates.

I think I will try to do something productive today, like write or fix my desk (maybe both) so that I can go to bed feeling satisfied and perhaps reduce temptation. I am also currently listening to some nice music as Vehkam suggested.

Here's to another week. Or at least for now, so that I don't overextend and mess things up, at the very least another night and morning clean. Hurrah!

Congratulations and thanks for the shout out!

Day #12

Still going. I've been really busy recently, waking up early, etc., so I haven't had much time or mind to be tempted. However...I think it's time to admit that I still have a problem and that is touching, as I mentioned in my initial post...I thought I would get over it and it would go away, but that hasn't been the case.

I've been doing a bit of research into it from an anti-porn neurology doctor on youtube and nofap forums, and I've confirmed that such behaviour is not good, and could be affecting the brain worse than just plain wasting seed. This "touching," to put it dryly, is doing the action but not so far that one comes to waste seed. It really feels like cheating the system, and from what I learned looking into it, it sustains the bad habit and perhaps even the brain pathways that the 90 day streak is trying to undo. It is a little bit shameful that I still do this compulsion and so I haven't really talked about it, but today I figured that this is the place to be honest with it.

I said in the initial post,


And so this rationalization continued! I don't want to start counting it as a fall but I might if I can't quit it. I may make a post about it in one of the other forum categories. For now, I have talked to my friend about it, and made another pledge.

Whew. If anyone has advice for such a problem, it would be welcome.