Lost In Search wrote on 15 Feb 2022 13:16:

Yes. 
So long as she’s 100% supportive.
Many women either don’t understand our struggle, or could feel slighted when their needs are not met. 
In that case you can ask your Rav. 

Moreover, In current culture, where there’s no dress code in the street, I think it’s ridiculous in many cases to decline such a wife’s request for a date and bonding time in a way of clothing for her, when the visual challenge to someone that’s on a good clean streak (past 90 days) is minimal compared to what’s on the street or women in many stores. Some department stores can be problematic as I experienced recently, with bill boards not designed by our frum women’s league. 

If the problem is you didn’t get to 90 days yet?
I feel for you bro - give HHM a call and he’ll give you a hand 

My$0.02

Lost In Search wrote on 15 Feb 2022 13:16:

wow wow wow!
you're a tzadik! 
be proud

Please buy a dozen roses for your wife and write her a beautiful handwritten card how appreciative you are of her sacrificing having your company while shopping. Lay it on thick buddy. She obviously has values and does not live selfishly and she deserves your appreciation for respecting something she cannot really understand. Write a bracha that Hashem should repay her for her yiras shamayim with healthy and wholesome erliche children. Women appreciate that bracha/tefilla. 

And look in the mirror and tell the fellow looking back at you that he is a hero!

Bh I'm clean!! 10 days:clap:
Its crazy to think that if you told me a month ago that I would be clean for 10 straight days I would have never believed you but bh I am holding there today.

bh my shmiras einayim in the street is way better, I wasn't staring at the girls today, I just snobed them out:laughing:

also my intimacy with my wife is so much better, I feel real with my wife, not fooling her.

Today it was hard, because I was feeling very anxious the whole day and I kept on wanting to go online and on YouTube to calm my anxiety but bh I succeeded in staying strong. I told myself that if I escape my anxiety with YouTube my anxiety won't get better it will only get worse, the only way to manage my ocd and anxiety is to feel it and not run away, and bh that's exactly what I did. 
I am so happy that I didn't go for the quick fix and temporary high and instead went for the longterm and put myself, wife and child first. 

Hatzlocha to all On everyone's journeys

I bh have not been on YouTube and Netflix since the beginning of my current steak. As hard as it is to stay off them, trust me it's so hard for me, my day to day life has become more enjoyable, as well as my relationship with my wife and Hashem.
it was worth the sacrifice, 100 percent!!

I want to take the opportunity if I may, to suggest to anyone reading this post that uses YouTube for entertainment and to feel good, to take a 10 day challenge. Try to not use it for 10 days and see what happens. It won't be easy but I promise you won't regret it and you will feel so much better physically, spiritually and emotionally. 
trust me on this one, speaking as an addict to, YouTube, life is a lot better and happier with out it.

Congratulations keep up the inspiration

Just one question, don't you have to pay for netflix? Maybe your wife uses it I don't know but I wouldn't want to pay for netflix if I'm not watching it at all. Maybe I read your post wrong sorry but you are right about both of them. They are literally made in order to get your attention as much as they can, especially youtube because it's free. Netflix only needs to do it to a certain extent to get you to pay and to make your next payments and that's that for them. But they really do exist to make "addicts" to their services. On top of the fact that they take so much of your personal data also for advertising, it would only make sense to use them if they paid you because in essence they treat you like a lab rat in order to make their services more addictive and to make more money. 

Bilaam Harasha to Yosef Hatzaddik wrote on 17 Feb 2022 16:48:

I have access to a family account that I don't pay for anyways. I always can access it and always have the urge to and have to constantly remind myself that it's destroying my family life and it's not worth the short term pleasure. 
In the past I tried blocking it through my filter but I felt restricted and it made me want it even more, and then I  just opened it, I don't do well when I use the filter,  i do a lot better when I don't have it restricted and work on myself to understand that it's not good for me. Thats what I have now, I don't have it restricted but don't go on it because of my own will. I also have webchaver to keep me off porn and shmutz.

I had a problem with installing filters in general for the reason you give. Before what I used to do to is I set myself in control of my filters so I can turn them on and off as I please, so I was basically making an illusion for myself. It was basically as if I had no filter but it made me feel good for that time until I fell, and then fell again, until I realized that I needed to get someone else to set the filters for me. It was after doing this that I felt like you do when you restricted netflix, basically as if I was better off without the filters and to just rely on the strength of my will because I felt trapped and restricted. For me personally as soon as I set my mom in control over the filters this feeling set in and my will to fight also just felt much weaker and my allowed website list gave me access to everything I needed but I still felt like this. Maybe you also felt this. After a while a got used to it though and it was the smart thing for me to get filters with my mom in charge. Since you've already abstained from it for so long can you try to block it and have it blocked for a week maybe? The feeling you describe is just a tactic of the yetzer, this may seem corny but I also suffered from this feeling before, and I think it'll go away if you give it time although the feeling will be with you in the beginning. And in the f2f program they emphasize how it's best to save your willpower the best you can. 

By the way if you feel you can't do this or even if you think you can, would you be interested in maybe investing time to learn a new language? This will at the very least take away time from thinking about netflix and youtube. I can drop below of how to paid online language programs for free and they're pretty good. I'm learning Hebrew right now and I can speak pretty good from my learning so far and I was only taught how to read Hebrew with niqqud last year. Here's a few languages they offer, all of them offer hebrew, and spanish, and other languages as well. Some also offer yiddish. They also have family features meaning you can share the service with your wife and you two can do it together. I spend about 30 minutes everyday but usually more and it's a really productive use of my time and it takes away from thinking about bad things. Just as a heads up though you will have to consult a posek or rabbi about using these paid language programs with the method I'll give you to get them for free, there may be some problems in halacha and the topic is similar to this: 

An online store offers 20% discount to new customers but it doesn't store the addresses of previous customers so they can make a new account and order products to their home address with the discount again even though they aren’t new customers. Is one allowed to do this or not? Let's also say that other stores that offer discounts to new customers do store those customers' addresses so they can't make new accounts and use the discount again, it's just that this store doesn't do this, either as a lack of foresight or as a business tactic in order to get more business from people or to at least spread their brand name. I can let you know the specific details of the problems so you can ask a rabbi whose familiar with these topics if it's allowed or not if your interested in getting this.

For me personally filters don't work, Once you get to a certain stage of addiction a filter won't help, for me personally it backfires. Obviously a filter is what most people should be using on their phones like all Rabbanim say. I have been using filters for years and always found a way around them. My mom for a few years controlled the filter, even then I would constantly work on getting around it partly because I felt locked. I am speaking as an addict, so for non addicts this is not relevant, but some addicts out there might relate to me that they do better not having a filter but rather an accountability software like webchaver witch is what i use. 

Update 
its 2 weeks and im bh clean!
I've stayed off all online non Jewish entertainment sites including YouTube and Netflix during these 2 weeks.
This past Sunday, which I usually go out to the mall or beach with my wife, we instead went somewhere which is a lot more friendly for shmiras einayim. I mentioned to my wife that I am working on my shmiras einayim so I would rather not go to the beach or mall and she was totally fine with it, actually very happy to go somewhere else bh.

I had a fall today.
I feel very ashamed and down, I can't believe this happened to me, just as I was getting on the right path I fell.
I feel horrible and don't feel like I have the energy to pick myself up.

Lost In Search wrote on 21 Feb 2022 05:31:

If you fall while on the right path, that just means you're still on the right path, you're just a little banged up

Hi everyone, I want to give an update.
I started going to SA wich is Sexoholic Anonymous, Its great and I strongly suggest it to other who have an addiction.
This platform is great but it wasnt enough for me to stop my addiction.
To those that ocasionally stumble and dont have an ilness called addiction then this platform is great but for those like me that have an ilness of addiction this platform can not solve my problem.
I am currently working the 12 steps and am working step number one which is to admit that I am powerless over my lust.