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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: here we go! 1459 Views

here we go! 28 Oct 2021 01:24 #373645

The journey starts now!

Re: here we go! 28 Oct 2021 01:31 #373646

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IshHeChofetzChaim! wrote on 28 Oct 2021 01:24:
The journey starts now!

Welcome. Journeying from Radin to Grodno?
In that case - you’re in good company :-) 
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Re: here we go! 28 Oct 2021 17:18 #373677

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Markz wrote on 28 Oct 2021 01:31:

IshHeChofetzChaim! wrote on 28 Oct 2021 01:24:
The journey starts now!

Welcome. Journeying from Radin to Grodno?
In that case - you’re in good company :-) 

Journeying with gye? 
In that case you're in good company ;-) 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: here we go! 28 Oct 2021 23:37 #373686

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hello i wish to know more about your struggles and learn from your experience and feel some identification, so if you don't mind to share about you then you will make a barber happy.

Re: here we go! 29 Oct 2021 17:34 #373716

I was waiting for you to ask!
Thank you!
Long story short, I have been struggling with p&m for 10 years, on and off with no real success, and even after discovering GYE I didn't take it seriously enough. To complicate things even more, along the road I had regressed in my Yiddishkeit significantly but have rebounded since then, thank G-d. 

Im not the person who was having a fall every single day, rather, it was usually once every few days or once a week, so I was able to easily convince myself that this behavior was okay, not so serious. 
​But over time I realized that it was holding my life back in many ways, such as lack of motivation and ambition , lack of aggression( the good kind), no joy in life or in Yiddishkeit etc.  I want to move forward in life, to get married and raise a family, to become financially independent( I'm living with my parents), but I feel like this is holding me down.

Last week, I heard a podcast that reinforces how urgently important it is for me to stop this behavior. It went into detail about p&m and the terrible effect that the spike in dopamine  has on my baseline levels of dopamine( this effects focus, mood , drive and more). He suggested starting a dopamine fast and p&m is at the top of the list. I decided to take this recovery process more seriously by fully utilizing GYE and with hashem's help I will be successful.
​This wasn't so short in the end but there it is. 

Re: here we go! 31 Oct 2021 05:13 #373732

so far so good. motzei shabbos is usually tougher for me than usual bc I'm glued to my phone or electronics after a 24 hr break but BH because of gye forums and my countdown to 90 days, it is much easier. wishing everyone a successful and wonderful week!

Re: here we go! 31 Oct 2021 19:28 #373754

so last night I woke up bc of keri. today, I searched the gye website for this topic. It basically says that to minimize it happening, one should be extra careful with shmiras aynayim and say krias shma. now to be honest, I watched a movie(which had some immodesty in it as most movies do) last night and didn't say krias shema with kavana. but it seems as if, generally speaking, keri isn't something to really worry about, being that its involuntary.
what is your take?
is this something that is more common when someone is clean for awhile?

Re: here we go! 31 Oct 2021 20:38 #373758

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A nocturnal emission is something that occurs by itself, against a person's will, and therefore the person is not considered to have committed a willful transgression. Nonetheless, t'shuva is certainly appropriate if a person looked at things he shouldn't or had lustful thoughts during the day.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: here we go! 01 Nov 2021 11:18 #373772

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The gemara tells us that if someone was lusting during the day, he is responsible for the wet dream while sleeping. Watching a movie with immodest images, besides being assur, will very often cause wet dreams. I am sorry if what i wrote is blunt, but fact is fact.

Any guy who comes to GYE and actually posts, is obviously serious about becoming clean; so you are obviously committed to doing the right thing. Do yourself a big favor now (do not push it off like many guys do). Decide that when Hashem instructed us  V'lo sassuru acharei eineichem  He was not instructing us to only not watch hard core pornography; He meant anything inappropriate. In addition, anyone here can tell you, that the worst thing a guy who is trying to break free can do, is watch a movie with a suggestive scene. Being that a big part of getting clean is rewiring our brains, watching a scene that objectifies women - which in essence dehumanizes those mothers, daughters, wives, etc. to the status of mens' toys of pleasure, sends the brain right back to it's former sick status.

However, very often, guys who are staying clean do experience wet dreams "out of the blue". this is expected and normal, due to the subconscious mind's "thirst" for this pleasure that one has BH stopped providing it with. If one is not lusting during the day, and doing what it takes to stay clean, and even so has a wet dream, he should not worry one bit. In fact he can congratulate himself that his subconscious has "realized" that he stopped these bad behaviors. The good news is that eventually, the wet dreams subside.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: here we go! 01 Nov 2021 14:37 #373782

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 01 Nov 2021 11:18:
The gemara tells us that if someone was lusting during the day, he is responsible for the wet dream while sleeping. Watching a movie with immodest images, besides being assur, will very often cause wet dreams. I am sorry if what i wrote is blunt, but fact is fact.

Any guy who comes to GYE and actually posts, is obviously serious about becoming clean; so you are obviously committed to doing the right thing. Do yourself a big favor now (do not push it off like many guys do). Decide that when Hashem instructed us  V'lo sassuru acharei eineichem  He was not instructing us to only not watch hard core pornography; He meant anything inappropriate. In addition, anyone here can tell you, that the worst thing a guy who is trying to break free can do, is watch a movie with a suggestive scene. Being that a big part of getting clean is rewiring our brains, watching a scene that objectifies women - which in essence dehumanizes those mothers, daughters, wives, etc. to the status of mens' toys of pleasure, sends the brain right back to it's former sick status.

However, very often, guys who are staying clean do experience wet dreams "out of the blue". this is expected and normal, due to the subconscious mind's "thirst" for this pleasure that one has BH stopped providing it with. If one is not lusting during the day, and doing what it takes to stay clean, and even so has a wet dream, he should not worry one bit. In fact he can congratulate himself that his subconscious has "realized" that he stopped these bad behaviors. The good news is that eventually, the wet dreams subside.

This is a golden post! Let's get it on the GYE Boost
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: here we go! 01 Nov 2021 17:52 #373789

I really appreciate this!

​You're obviously right that it's assur, and what you said, that those scenes keep the sick brain craving to act out, is totally relatable to me.
​I am committed to break free, and even though I do enjoy watching movies, I will be careful from now on.

I am glad to hear that wet dreams can go away eventually.
​Thanks for the chizzuk!
Last Edit: 01 Nov 2021 17:54 by IshHeChofetzChaim!.

Re: here we go! 02 Nov 2021 16:50 #373818

So I am experiencing the richness of this website and forum, so much that Ive got about 30 gye tabs open of things I want to read 
hope my computer can handle all that holy goodness..

Re: here we go! 02 Nov 2021 20:39 #373829

Three times a week, I go to the gym. Today is one of them.
I read on the forum, recently, to plan ahead for expected challenges. I get very triggered by women at the gym and have lust-attacks when I get back home. I think the game plan should be to try to listen to something holy during my workout, keep my head down as much as possible, and Daven. 
If anyone has any thoughts, I'm all ears!

Re: here we go! 02 Nov 2021 21:03 #373830

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Is there a kosher gym in your town? Even if more expensive it is worth it. If not, are there times of day that women do not frequent the gym? If not, did your rav pasken you may go there? There are other ways to exercise.....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: here we go! 02 Nov 2021 23:42 #373835

Shkoiach for those ideas!
There isn't a kosher gym but there are definitely times where its relatively empty and no women. I hadn't thought of that.

Thanks
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