Welcome, Guest
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Square one 16469 Views

Re: Square one 16 Jun 2021 11:12 #369940


"wilnevergiveup" post=369939 date=1623828239 catid=4I am not saying that everyone breaks after a while, rather that for some, the main role that the streak plays is to indicate that they have a bigger issue and that counting days just wont cut it.It's not a motivation issue, it's a bigger issue that needs dealing with.

Do you mind elaborating on this point, I'm not sure I follow. If counting days won't cut it, then surely there's not really any role to a streak, it's just a quirk of the gye website.

My first streak after joining gye was 8 days, and it took me almost a full year to reach 30 days. I never had that 'first streak rush' where you go many days clean and then hit the ground hard, but I have got pretty stuck after going my longest streaks


I have a mix of different motivations right now. I'm part of the challenge (but I signed up with a lower payout if I act out), I have a mentor from gye who I made a few agreements that I get a prize if I reach a certain number of clean days. Those are probably my main 2, amongst others. Obviously I'd like to keep a streak going, reach 90 for the first time, and I'd also like to have this issue under control before I start dating (not that I think it will be soon)

Re: Square one 16 Jun 2021 13:53 #369943

  • sapy
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 533
  • Karma: 53
wilnevergiveup wrote on 16 Jun 2021 07:23:

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 16 Jun 2021 04:32:
...But if the filter ever fails (which becomes more and more likely the more you test it, because you learn what doesn't work leaving you to try new things which will prob eventually work) then you have to start all over again. And maybe we place too much importance on the streaks and you can continue from where you left off. But my 0.02$ is that the streak is what motivates us so once you fall its likely you fall again and again and get into a rut of a few months before getting back up on the horse. If you can't believe this check out some of the big machers (no sarcasm intended - really have a lot of respect) around here on GYE who were doing incredible and then fell and have been in a been of a rut.

Logic and pure seichel says obviously don't test the filter its ridiculous but the emotion and longing and addiction prevails and hungers to test the filter but perhaps constantly thinking of the lack of logic will lead you to realize that it makes absolutely 0 sense whatsoever and is the animal soul inside you talking. We were created for a loftier purpose!







Okay, sorry to burst your bubble, but here are my two cents. Guys who fall after a long streak and cannot pick themselves up afterwards especially when it comes to the guys who are here a while, it has little to do with the fact that the streak was their only motivation and a lot to do with the fact that they have a bigger problem, one that "doing a streak" just doesn't fix. 

If you can do the 90 day thing, maybe fall the first time or two then get to 3000 etc. great, that means that your struggle is a different one than the guys who cannot pick themselves up. 

Guys get excited when they first show up here, or some other motivation, like getting caught and they put together a nice streak. Some guys understand that there is more to it and they work on underlying things, go to therapy, speak to a mentor, etc. and some guys don't. When We don't deal with the real problem and just "stay clean" we are in for a life of suffering. It's like treating a heart attack with a tylenol.

I am not saying that everyone breaks after a while, rather that for some, the main role that the streak plays is to indicate that they have a bigger issue and that counting days just wont cut it. It's not a motivation issue, it's a bigger issue that needs dealing with. 

I think that Mr. LTI proves my point perfectly. He knows good and well that what he is doing is dangerous, he doesn't need anyone to tell him that. It would seem that his streak is his main motivation (yeah, that feeling of success) and therefore he is okay with "sticking to the rules" even though looking for stuff isn't a special mitzvah either. There are two approaches to this, one is to say, well, my goal is not to masturbate so anything more is just "too much!" The other option is to take some time to think, why is it that I am looking? Am I bored? Do I feel like my life is missing something? Why is it that I only care about the streak but I am okay with doing other things that I know are harmful? 

If at 60+ days a person is just making it by the skin of their teeth, I think it's time for a deeper look.

Sometimes it's as simple as finding a new hobby, or keeping busy. Sometimes it's looking for more meaning in life. And sometimes it's dealing with messier stuff. 

I think that a healthy goal for now would be to set up some time (even better if you can do this with someone with whom you can be honest and knows how to help) to write down the situations and feelings that you have when you are tempted to start looking. Are you escaping from something? Bored? Stressed? Make a list, share it with us here and try to be honest. This will get you far more than another 10 days of white knuckling.  

We learnt how to live without porn, now we need to learn how to live with ourselves.

This post is definitely a "Dose of clarity" and "The Truth".... at least in my experience. Very well said. 
as to what people ask then what's the point of the streak, and the 90 days challenge? I'll just say what it is to me.
I think that when a person masturbates often, he usually does it at every uncomfortable situation, or even just for pleasure. It's hard to see the root cause which pushed him into it and doesn't let him stop. The 90 days challenge helped me to stop for pleasure, and for other situations, but when it came to my root issue, when I couldn't live with myself, the streak etc didnt cut it. And that helped me realize which issue is my root issue and on what I need to work on internally. After falling a few times, (after my initial long streak when I joined) I was able to examine what feelings, moods and thoughts, I had leading up to the fall, and get to work on the underlying issues.

Re: Square one 16 Jun 2021 18:31 #369954

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1158
  • Karma: 112
Looking_to_improve wrote on 16 Jun 2021 11:12:



"wilnevergiveup" post=369939 date=1623828239 catid=4
I am not saying that everyone breaks after a while, rather that for some, the main role that the streak plays is to indicate that they have a bigger issue and that counting days just wont cut it.It's not a motivation issue, it's a bigger issue that needs dealing with.

Do you mind elaborating on this point, I'm not sure I follow. If counting days won't cut it, then surely there's not really any role to a streak, it's just a quirk of the gye website.

My first streak after joining gye was 8 days, and it took me almost a full year to reach 30 days. I never had that 'first streak rush' where you go many days clean and then hit the ground hard, but I have got pretty stuck after going my longest streaks


I have a mix of different motivations right now. I'm part of the challenge (but I signed up with a lower payout if I act out), I have a mentor from gye who I made a few agreements that I get a prize if I reach a certain number of clean days. Those are probably my main 2, amongst others. Obviously I'd like to keep a streak going, reach 90 for the first time, and I'd also like to have this issue under control before I start dating (not that I think it will be soon)

You are doing great!

I was responding to @EvedHashem's ideas about keeping the streak because it's the primary motivator. I wrote that for some, meaning those who can't just hop on the train and run with it, the streak or the inability to keep one, is in fact what should help them realize that there is something more going on. The streak is great to keep track of our progress, but as the only motivation? Most of us need more than just a streak to keep us going. 

My point is that if someone is here a while, it might be a good idea to consider digging a little deeper as to why we are still doing things that we regret. The goal is to remain clean for life, to do that we need to change ourselves and to do that we need to figure out what needs to be changed. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Square one 16 Jun 2021 21:46 #369958

Day 62 
Clean bH, tried to get one or 2 problematic things blocked by my filter

Re: Square one 17 Jun 2021 22:36 #369976

Day 63
9 week clean bH

Re: Square one 18 Jun 2021 14:22 #370006

Day 64
Clean bH.I was out in public today, so could have done a bit better with shemiras einaim, but on the whole I think it was ok

Re: Square one 19 Jun 2021 22:06 #370020

Day 65
Clean bH
Last Edit: 19 Jun 2021 22:15 by looking_to_improve.

Re: Square one 20 Jun 2021 21:49 #370051

Day 66
Clean bh 
Had a bit of a slip today, I had to borrow a friend's laptop and I searched up one or 2 things I shouldn't have. No porn or inappropriate stuff, but stuff that could lead to me masturbating, so wasn't a great moment. Gonna try move on
Been having negative feelings about yeshiva recently, I'm speaking to a Rebbe on Wednesday or Thursday, but I'm gonna have to suck it up for a a couple of days. 

Re: Square one 21 Jun 2021 21:06 #370070

Day 67
Clean bH

Re: Square one 22 Jun 2021 20:31 #370097

Day 68
Clean bH, this is my joint longest streak

Re: Square one 22 Jun 2021 21:06 #370098

Don't feel particularly confident in myself, despite being clean for this long.

Re: Square one 23 Jun 2021 03:15 #370109

  • BeVeryStrong
  • Current streak: 70 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 31
  • Karma: 5
68 days is impressive. Not being confident, this actually should help you keep your guard up. What so you think?
Go on! and BeVeryStrong

Re: Square one 23 Jun 2021 03:16 #370110

Good. If you're too confident you might think you can "handle" seeing things and end up falling from that (has happened to me many times)

At least for me as I kept going higher and higher I began getting more confident to the point where at maybe around 120 days I felt (and still feel) that its completely possible that I'll never act out again. But that entails not letting my guard down at all. 
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Feel free to contact me at evedhashem1836@gmail.com

Re: Square one 23 Jun 2021 04:38 #370112

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1158
  • Karma: 112
I think we are using the word confident a little loosely here. being confident in what one is doing is one of the most important things for success.

Not being confident is a terrible motivation to keep ones guard up. Being "overconfident" should mean that we are confidant in our plan and that it is working. The way it's being described here is that we just winged it for a whole bunch of weeks and it worked so what the heck, I can do what I want and I wont fall. That is not called confident, that is just being foolish because you don't have anything that you are relying on to be confident in. We need to have a plan, then we can discuss how we feel about it. When we have a plan, the more confident we are about it, the better. 

Am I clear? Confidence is vital!!! The other way around is just a thrill (at best) it's not long lasting.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Square one 23 Jun 2021 14:53 #370121

  • grant400
  • Current streak: 13 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1488
  • Karma: 171
Looking_to_improve wrote on 22 Jun 2021 21:06:
Don't feel particularly confident in myself, despite being clean for this long.

Sometimes the difference between being confident or not is simply a decision. If we can legitimately tell ourselves that we are absolutely done with this, and we aren't vacillating and trying to hang un there...this can be the final clincher.

A firm decision removes half the fight.

Can you say with complete conviction - I am ready to give up this stupidity for life?
Last Edit: 23 Jun 2021 15:20 by grant400.
Time to create page: 0.65 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes