Btw can anyone please teach me how to quote another user at the beginning of my post (in grey)?
Thx

excellence wrote on 11 Nov 2020 20:23:

On the bottom right corner of every post there's a grey button that says quote, you click that.

excellence wrote on 11 Nov 2020 19:13:

I feel it's also important to understand that this is not just about bringing nachasruach to HKB"H. While that surely is true the goal should be more than giving Hashem nachas it should be to bring before Hashem a growing person, someone who is better today than he was yesterday. 
When you tell yourself no, even if it only for a few minutes, you are training yourself little by little to live without this. Every time you hold yourself back you are growing to a new level and that is what Hashem is the most proud of.
Hashem doesn't want us to suffer, He wants us to overcome our challenges. The suffering isn't the goal, the overcoming them is, when we overcome a challenge we grow and move on to the next task. This is what makes Hashem the most proud, when we graduate to the next level and then the next one until we are right next to Hashem Himself.

Hatzlacha!

Thanks for taking time to reply. Fully agree. all I meant to say is that when we have setbacks we tend to feel very guilty before HKBH, so my point is that if thats the case then every time we say no, we must feel ever so proud before Hashem. 
Thanks n love your username.

excellence wrote on 12 Nov 2020 06:24:

I wasn't disagreeing, just giving a different angle of the same concept that I found to be more helpful as unfortunately, giving nacahs ruach to Hashem was just never a real motivator for most of my life. Progress however was a huge one, but it's the same concept.
Thanks

Day 27
Clean bH
Keeping it short and sweet today

Day 28
4 weeks clean today bH
Hope everyone has a great shabbos!

Day 29
Negatives
Feeling quite stressed, and I think I could be like this for a while
When I'm stressed, often my thoughts echo around my head and I only make myself more stressed

Positives
Last time I felt similar levels of stress, my brain couldn't also think about acting out, and I went a while clean
Today was clean
30 days is coming up tomorrow

Looking_to_improve wrote on 14 Nov 2020 23:10:

Hey there I hope you feel better soon. I for one struggle a lot when stressed so I cannot really relate. I find myself generally less productive when stressed, even though our elevated stress levels actually are supposed to make us more productive. 

GYE has some great resources for dealing with our emotions, it may be k'dai to check them out, Inspirational Videos and Dealing with Depression (it's not just depression, it's general emotional struggles as well)

Here is one video that I found particularly helpful Going Through It, Growing Through It 

All the best

How we doin Buddy? 

...and I'm back!
My filter no longer blocks posting on the forum. 
I think I'm gonna restart posting a daily update here. 

In true forum fashion, I had a longer message prepared with a bit of an update of where I'm holding, but I forgot to copy it before I posted. I'm outta practice. Maybe I'll give the whole shpiel some other time. 

Good to be back amongst the greats of Am Yisroel!
Looking forward to growing alongside you all.
Looking_to_Improve (LTI)

Looking_to_improve wrote on 22 Dec 2020 22:02:

Welcome back old friend!! 

It's so good to have you back, been thinking bout u a number of times, Tischadesh on your new car, can't believe your at 33 days already, what an inspiration. looking forward to your daily does of energy.

keep on speedin, n dont forget to take me with ya!

excellence

Thank you all for your kind welcome, it's great to be back!

Update
BH I'm currently 34 days clean, and my previous 2 streak were 44 and 33 days clean. Before these 3 streaks I think I rarely made it over 3 weeks clean. I've had a lot of menuchas hanefesh over these last 3 streaks, many days go by and I have very little or no struggle. It's very reassuring, and I'm very grateful to HKB"H for this period, it gives me a lot of confidence going forward.

I spoke once in person to a Rebbe about my struggle at the beginning of this period, and I've been in contact with a mentor from GYE about it. I email him most days and we call every few weeks. I've found opening up and hearing another persons voice makes a big difference to me, opening up on the forum didn't have the same degree of an impact. If you feel like you've been posting on the forum and you feel stuck in a bit of a rut, maybe consider reaching out to someone from GYE over the phone, or a Rebbe. Don't underestimate the forum either, consistently posting also has a big impact.

I've also been messaging guys on the forum here and there occasionally, I'm very fortunate to be around such a great crowd, and I look forward to getting to know those who've joined, in the time while I've been unable to post.

Since I last fell, I've installed webchaver on my phone, with my mentor and also another friend as the chaverim. I don't know if it would be good to open up a bit to my friend about it, or would it be best to save him my burden. I'd be interested to hear what your thoughts are. I don't think its a necessity at the moment, but perhaps it may be useful.

I don't know if it's a cause or an effect of this period being easier, but my davening has improved over this period and is consistently with better cavono than before. I'm trying to make the most of it, by continually davening to Hashem for success in this inyan.

Day 34

Mostly straightforward day today bH. Our schedule in yeshiva has been a bit disrupted this week, which means I sometimes end up in a more vunderable mood than I normally might be, but beH we should be back to normal sedorim soon, and bH I think I've been coping well so far, no major issues.

I forgot I was never good at keeping my posts short,   oh well. Maybe I'll post a bit more background to my struggles, although I've posted about it in the past.

Hi L.T.I,
Welcome back!
Looking forward to hear more of your story.

I have to agree with you, posting on the forum helps but calling/talking to a GYE member or anybody is a game changer.

All the best!